Nobody likes to be wrong. Although we all make mistakes, it is an unpleasant emotional experience for anyone. If your partner does not accept his mistakes and blames you, it may be due to factors such as ego fragility, perfectionism, intolerance of different opinions, arrogance or to avoid possible criticism.
Despite the discomfort of the moment, people generally admit when they are wrong and apologize. Still, there are those who refuse to admit that they are wrong. What happens when a person opposes the facts and does not admit that they have been wrong? This becomes especially relevant when it comes to our partner. In this Psychology-Online article, we tell you Why doesn’t my partner accept his mistakes and blames me?.
Ego Fragility
Some people have such fragile self-esteem that it is very difficult for them to admit that they are wrong. His fragile ego cannot tolerate it and tries to distort reality. In this way, they avoid contemplating that they are wrong and, through their defense mechanisms, distort their perception of reality so that it is less threatening.
For example, a person with a fragile ego will insist that he or she has correctly identified a thief, despite DNA evidence and another person’s confession. When confronted, he will continue to insist and may rebuke any information source who attempts to argue otherwise.
Even so, recognizing it is difficult, because to the outside world these people are perceived as firm and confident. However, psychological rigidity is not a sign of strength, but an indication of fragility. These people do not choose to stand their ground, but are forced to do so to protect their weakened egos. Admitting that you are wrong is unpleasant, but it is necessary to have courage and strength to deal with that reality and recognize your own mistakes.
Perfectionism
Your partner may not recognize their mistakes because they find it unpleasant to be wrong because they see it as an inherent character defect. You may relate being wrong with being unworthy, imperfect, or of little value.
This unrational need to always be “perfect” direct your ego and they may come to feel that making mistakes is something they cannot allow. The difficulty of admitting failure comes largely from the unrealistic expectation that you have to do it right all the time. These people believe that never admitting they are wrong makes them stronger and more valuable.
It is possible that by trying to achieve an image of perfection they try to make others perceive them as leaders. However, when a person insists, “I am 100% perfect, I am 100% right all the time,” it is quite difficult for others to believe. It will be difficult for them to believe and trust her because no one is perfect or always right. In this article, we explain to you.
Intolerance of different opinions
Some people may be guided by the belief that views different from their own are wrong. As a result, people who are too focused on their own point of view can become intolerant of opinions different from their own.
This intolerance can result in rigidity in holding on to your beliefs, opinions and ideas. For this reason, they cannot stand anyone disagreeing with them. In a way, intolerance of different opinions is also a way of avoiding pain. This type of stubbornness can hinder a person’s personal growth and affect their relationships with others.
Arrogance
Arrogance is a person’s belief that whatever they do, they can do it better than anyone else. This can lead to stubborn behavior as it makes it difficult to make balanced decisions and recognize mistakes when they are made.
An arrogant person may have difficulty acknowledging their mistakes due to their belief that they are superior to others and therefore do not make mistakes. They may also be reluctant to admit mistakes because of the possible loss of status or power. Additionally, they may have trouble perceiving their own behavior and how it affects others.
This is especially problematic when you try to disagree or speak from logic to a person guided by . He may not listen to what you are trying to convey and be dismissive of your arguments, and in the interaction it seems that you are speaking different languages.
Avoidance of possible criticism
If your partner does not accept mistakes and blames you, it may be because he or she believes that the arguments that point out his or her mistake are criticisms. So if you anticipate that making a mistake means you will be criticized for it, you may not recognize it.
Receiving criticism can make a person feel judged or attacked, which can negatively affect your self-esteem and self-image. Furthermore, a lack of self-confidence, a lack of emotional skills to manage opinions, and ineffective communication will cause the person to avoid feeling criticized.
Thus, when a person makes a mistake and does not recognize it, they may tend to discard and try to ignore comments against their point of view, because they interpret them as harsh or unjustified, especially if they are afraid of being criticized.
Earning benefits
A person can remain in his mistake and not recognize it when he obtains greater benefits by maintaining this mistake than by admitting that you were wrong. So, if he believes that the rewards of staying there are greater than accepting it, he will not admit that he was wrong. For example, a person may remain in his mistake if he believes that other people will use it against him or to harm him.
Sometimes a person may not recognize his mistakes just because he knows that stubbornness helps him get what he wants. In this case, a person can use his stubbornness when he knows it is a good way to get what you want or to avoid comments that bother you
When this behavior works, it will tend to be repeated to continue receiving rewards or avoiding negative consequences. In this sense, not recognizing mistakes can be useful.
Feeling self-conscious and fearful
When a person does not recognize his mistakes You may feel self-conscious and fearful of possible consequences who anticipates that they will come if he admits that he was not wrong or that he was not right. When someone points out inappropriate habits, actions or opinions in another person, they may feel uncomfortable and fearful. She may assess that what she is signing up for is something she does not want or is not willing to change, and anticipate unfavorable consequences.
For example, a person may be unwilling to admit that he was wrong if he fears or anticipates that the next time he speaks out his opinions will be rejected or ridiculed. Thus, he may not be willing to accept what is being proposed or admit that her actions are not appropriate.
Personal history
The relationship between personal history and the inability to recognize mistakes can be complicated. In some cases, past experiences can influence in the way a person holds on to their beliefs and decisions, which can lead to not recognizing their mistakes.
For example, a person who has grown up in an unstable childhood environment may have developed the belief that the opinions of others cannot be trusted. If her parental figures had little concern for her well-being, the responsibility and decision-making fell into their own hands.
In this way, the person has learned that others do not provide solutions and will tend to distrust everyone. He will think that she is the only person who is in possession of the correct beliefs and opinions. Therefore, when he makes a mistake, he will interpret that others are wrong and will be suspicious of any arguments and reasoning contrary to his own.
How to help my partner recognize his mistakes.
When a person points out opinions and behaviors in another who has made a mistake, the latter may have his or her own motives and reasons for not considering it, and not accepting these indications because he or she considers that he or she must defend his or her position.
Here are some tips to help your partner recognize their mistakes:
- Focus on the facts and not on your partner: If your partner doesn’t recognize their mistake because they don’t see it as such, help them realize why it is a mistake using specific examples from the facts and how their behavior or opinion has been harmful or inconsistent with reality. Try to avoid personalizing the mistake and don’t focus on him or her (“you do everything wrong and you don’t take care of things”), but on the facts (“if you leave the milk out of the refrigerator it will spoil and we will have to throw”).
- Use respectful and constructive language: Make sure you speak in a friendly and non-offensive way. It is important that your partner does not feel judged or disrespected, as this will only encourage them to become defensive and not listen to your arguments. If your partner feels offended, he or she may not listen to you, so he or she may not be in a position to be open to understanding another view of the events and correcting his or her mistake.
- Listen to your partner and avoid blaming him: Ask your partner about their perspective and listen carefully to their answers. When you listen to your partner, you are showing empathy and validating their experience, even if you don’t agree with it. It’s important to remember that the goal is to help your partner recognize their mistake and learn from it, not judge or humiliate them.
- Help your partner see the consequences of their mistake: Helping the person realize the consequences of the mistake can help them better understand why it is wrong and needs to be corrected. For example, if your partner always leaves milk out of the refrigerator, you can help him or her realize that this is a mistake due to the consequences it entails: a waste of food and money.
- Find solutions together– If you have suggestions to help fix the error, please share them constructively and help find a solution to fix the error. It is also very important to ask your partner what solutions they can think of to prevent them from seeming like something imposed and obligatory, and can be part of the solution.
- Help your partner learn from their mistakes: Helping your partner see how they can avoid making the same mistake in the future will help them not make it again in the future, grow and improve. Errors are teachers that inform us of those aspects that help us improve, grow, become more empathetic, more resilient, more decisive, and ultimately, better people.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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