Romantic jealousy is a set of thoughts, feelings and actions that appear when it is perceived that the relationship is threatened by a possible rival. It is normal to feel jealousy in a relationship when you care about your partner and are afraid of losing them, however, it is very common for jealousy to become a problem when it is deliberately provoked and poorly managed.
In this Psychology-Online article we focus on jealousy that is induced, that is, when it is one of the members of the couple who tries to generate it in the other. Why does my partner want to make me jealous? Why do you want me to be jealous, when it could harm our relationship? Below, we explain the reasons why this happens.
Seeks to test the relationship
Studies carried out by Whitey, later by Fleischmann and his collaborators, showed that the most frequent motivation to provoke jealousy is to test the relationship, in an attempt to confirm the couple’s feelings and commitment.
In another study conducted at the University of California, Santa Cruz, Dainton and Gross asked participants how they tried to maintain their relationships and recall them in order to check the status of the relationship. This was one of the most common methods referred to. In short, many people try to make their partners jealous to measure your commitment in the relationship.
Has latent insecurities
When an adult boasts to his partner that other people are interested in him, it is important to ask what motivates this attitude. Frequently, behind the need to boast ostentatiously about one’s attractiveness and magnetism, there are latent insecurities that manifest themselves in this very maladaptive way.
Why does a man want to make a woman jealous? If your partner is trying to make you jealous, he or she may be trying to make you see that he or she is “in demand” because other people are interested in him/her. However, although seductive people are usually considered by others to be self-confident, in reality it does not have to be that way.
Behind exaggerated attempts to show their attractiveness and how “in demand” they are, there is usually a grandiose ego, but at the same time It is unstable and fragile. It does not stand on its own, since it is dependent on the opinions of others. This behavior may be associated with the one we explained to you in this article.
It can be difficult for these types of people to take responsibility for their feelings and they ask for more attention and affection from their partner, which is why they resort to this “strategy.” Due to their need for approval, they make their partner jealous. to strengthen your self-esteem and reaffirm its value.
Need power and control
One of the signs that he wants to make you jealous is that he wants to have power and control in the relationship. Inducing jealousy in a partner intentionally can be a tactic to manage the other person in pursuit of getting what he wants.
So, if your partner provokes jealousy to get attention, he/she might want you to increase your efforts and attention towards him/her to maintain your interest. This strategy causes an imbalance in the relationship, since it is a highly harmful form of manipulation. In this article, we tell you how to unmask it.
Manipulation is never a good way to increase another person’s attention because it never closes a real bond. That is only possible through honesty and vulnerability.
Seek attention or a reaction from you
If you’re wondering why my partner wants to make me jealous, one of the most common reasons is that seeks to get your attention and make you dedicate time. He may try to make you jealous to get you to react. The aforementioned study, led by Fleischmann, states that some people try to make their partners jealous so that they engage in compensatory behavior.
Why does a man want to make a woman jealous? Some of the objectives could be the following:
- He wants you to put more effort into the relationship.
- It seeks to get you more involved.
- He wants you to dedicate more time and attention to him.
- He needs you to be more affectionate.
In this sense, the rewards that your partner could seek could be to alleviate their anxiety when they fear that you are no longer interested, to confirm that you are still in love and committed to your relationship, to react to improve the quality of your relationship, etc
You are dissatisfied with the relationship
Does jealousy cause dissatisfaction in a relationship? Does being dissatisfied in your relationship cause jealousy? According to Ayala Malach Pines, both situations are possible. The Israeli psychologist explains that jealousy brings with it dramatic and conflictive situations and causes dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Furthermore, he also argues that unsatisfactory relationships make people more likely to experience jealousy due to the instability of the relationship. In this article we delve into the .
Wants revenge and/or punishment
Why does my girlfriend want to make me jealous? If she is upset with you because of some of your behavior that has caused her discomfort, or even she herself is jealous because you have made her feel jealous, it is possible that she wants to reciprocate that negativity. If that happens, she will want to punish you and make you jealous.
In this sense, your partner could make you jealous through revenge or punishment, so will want to hurt you intentionally. This behavior is highly harmful, toxic and detrimental to both parties, so it should not be tolerated under any circumstances. If you want to avoid this situation, we recommend reading this article about .
Wants to end the relationship
Making the decision to end a relationship is not easy, since it requires facing the situation, having a difficult conversation, and even seeing the person who has been your partner suffer and tolerate their discomfort. Your partner may have difficulties speaking directlyhave doubts, do not have the tools to do it or simply do not dare.
Maybe he is avoiding breaking off the relationship directly because he assumes it will hurt you and feels guilty. Still, intentionally provoking jealousy to trigger the end of the relationship is much more harmful than communicating it clearly and honestly.
What is hidden behind jealousy? When jealousy is used to break up a relationship the real reason for the breakup is not understood, which makes it difficult to properly close the stage and the relationship. Acting in this way is a lack of emotional responsibility, as well as an act of dishonesty and cowardice.
has an adventure
What does it mean when a man wants to make you jealous? One possible reason may be that your partner is really encourages situations that involve third parties. What is your role in the situation? Do you have approaches to third parties that make you uncomfortable? If so, it is likely that your partner is involved with someone other than you and does not want to end the relationship with you because he simply likes the game of seduction and feeling desired.
Adventures can be almost irresistible for those who immerse themselves in them. There are people who resort to having meetings with a lover to escape the limitations of everyday life. They seek to feel young, attractive, desiredfreeing oneself from certain family or work “burdens”, exploring and experimenting with new roles and immersing oneself in hiding.
If your relationship has reached this point, an important element to keep in mind is that, no matter how painful it is, perhaps the other person doesn’t care that you suffer or that you know that they are with someone else.
He is afraid of abandonment
The Mexican author Carlos Fuentes states the following: “Jealousy kills love but not desire. This is the true punishment of betrayed passion.” Although this way of acting is common, Deliberately causing jealousy in your partner has consequences. Jealousy may spark the connection for a moment, but it is caring behaviors and empathy that create a real and lasting bond over time.
What to do if your partner wants to make you jealous? If you sense that he is deliberately making you jealous, addresses the topic openly and honestly to understand what is happening to him and why he is acting like this. He may already be experiencing the loss of the relationship, or perhaps he needs more attention and support from you and doesn’t know how to ask for it in a more functional way.
In any case, wanting your partner to experience jealousy is a highly dysfunctional behaviorboth for those who generate them, who do not take responsibility for their emotions or know how to manage them, and for those who suffer from them.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Why does my partner want to make me jealous?we recommend that you enter our category.
References
- White, G. L. (1980). Inducing jealousy: A power perspective. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 6(2), 222-227.
- Fleischmann, AA, Spitzberg, BH, Andersen, PA, & Roesch, SC (2005). Tickling the monster: Jealousy induction in relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(1), 49-73.
- Dainton, M., & Gross, J. (2008). The use of negative behaviors to maintain relationships. Communication Research Reports, 25(3), 179-191.
- Pines, A. M. (2016). Romantic jealousy: Causes, symptoms, cures. Routledge.
- Fuentes, C. (2016). I believe in this. Alfaguara.
Bibliography
- Morf, C. C., & Rhodewalt, F. (2001). Unraveling the paradoxes of narcissism: A dynamic self-regulatory processing model. Psychological inquiry, 12(4), 177-196.
- Perel, E. (2017). The state of affairs: Rethinking infidelity-A book for anyone who has ever loved. Hachette UK.
- Whitson, D., & Mattingly, B.A. (2010). Waking the Green-Eyed Monster: Attachment Styles and Jealousy Induction in Romantic Relationships. Psi Chi Journal of undergraduate research, 15(1).