Sometimes the line between friendship and feeling that the other person feels something more can be difficult to distinguish. Throughout our lives we may have encountered confusing situations in which someone assures us that they only see us as friends, but at the same time constantly seeks our company and attention. This contradiction can disconcert us and make us question that person’s intentions, especially if on our part there are not only feelings of friendship.
Why does he want me as a friend, but he looks for me? In this Psychology-Online article we will talk about the possible reasons behind this behavior, we will provide you with key signs to help you differentiate if he only loves you as a friend and we will explain how to handle this situation in the best possible way for both parties. .
Why are you looking for me if you just want to be my friend?
When someone is constantly looking for you despite clearly telling you that they only want your friendship, it can seem like an emotional contradiction. To better understand this situation we must delve into the characteristics of relationships and the psychology behind them.
- Nature of relationships: First, it is essential to remember that relationships are not always simple or linear. Friendship and affection can coexist, and people often experience a variety of feelings toward others, even if they initially only seek a friendship relationship.
- Attraction isn’t always romantic: When someone is constantly pursuing you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they have a romantic interest in you. Attraction can manifest itself in different ways, such as a deep appreciation for your personality, values, or even your company in general. He may love how you treat him, but that doesn’t mean he has an interest beyond friendship.
- Emotional ambiguity: Sometimes people may be unsure of their own feelings or may feel a mix of emotions. They may value friendship, but at the same time, experience an attraction that they do not fully understand, so they prefer not to go further until they are completely sure.
- Fear of losing connection: Constantly seeking your company may be an indication that they deeply value the connection with you and fear losing it. They may feel that being around you enriches their lives and gives them a sense of well-being and security even though they want nothing more from you.
- Lack of labels: Sometimes, people may avoid labeling a relationship so as not to put pressure on it. They prefer to let the dynamic flow naturally and do not want to put restrictions on the relationship they are building.
- Friendship: Friendship is a valuable and meaningful relationship. In fact, a good friendship can be very difficult to find. Some people may be seeking to cultivate and strengthen their friendship with you because they value that relationship dearly.
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How to know if he just wants to be your friend
Identifying if someone just wants to be your friend, despite constantly seeking your company or attention, can be a complicated task. However, there are those that can help you better understand their intentions with you. Below are some key signs that may indicate that someone just wants to be your friend.
- Friendship Behavior: See if their overall behavior reflects a strong friendship. This includes emotional support in difficult times, mutual trust and willingness to give you their time, without comments or flirtations that could make you suspect that they are looking for a romantic relationship.
- He talks about another person he likes: if he openly mentions other love interests, it is likely that he is focused on maintaining only a friendship with you. Is he testing you? Most likely not, although sometimes we want to convince ourselves otherwise.
- Introduces you to his friends: If he introduces you to his social circle and considers you an important part of his life, this is a solid sign that he values your friendship and thinks you can fit in with them.
- They show no signs of flirting: Avoid flirting or any romantic behavior with you. If he doesn’t show romantic interest or any gesture that could hint at something more, it’s likely that he just wants to be friends.
- They do not seek physical contact: The absence of attempts at physical contact, such as hugs, kisses or subtle caresses, is an indication that the person is comfortable maintaining a purely friendly relationship and nothing more.
- He tells you that he appreciates you as a friend: Open conversations about his feelings and expectations are often clear signs that he is only interested in your friendship. If they clearly express that they value the friendship, it is important to take their words seriously. Sometimes our hope or feelings are so great that we can come to think that he doesn’t mean it for whatever reason.
- Does not show jealousy towards you: not feeling jealous of your relationship with other people is usually an indication that the person is committed to maintaining a friendship without romantic expectations. Most likely, he is interested in you because he appreciates you and wants to see you happy with a person who deserves you.
In the following article we explain to you.
What to do if he wants me as a friend, but is looking for me
If you find yourself in a situation where someone loves you as a friend, but is constantly looking for you, it is important to handle this situation to avoid misunderstandings and take care of the relationship. Some questions you can consider:
- Establish clear and sincere communication: Start a clear and sincere conversation with your crush to clarify your intentions and expectations in the relationship. Ask him directly why he seeks you out so often and what he feels when he is with you.
- Express your feelings: Share your own feelings and thoughts about the relationship and what the person means to you. Be honest about your expectations so that you are both on the same page.
- Actively listen: Pay attention to what the other person has to say. Listen to their thinking and explanations so you can have a deeper understanding of their actions and the reasons for them. Here we explain what the .
- Evaluate your feelings: Reflect on your own feelings towards this person. Are you comfortable with their friendship? Do you feel pressured or uncomfortable by their constant search? If not, perhaps it would be positive to let them know and take some time to recover.
- Set boundaries: If you feel like the person is crossing boundaries or constantly confusing you, don’t hesitate to set clear boundaries. Let him know how you prefer the relationship to be in case he only wants your friendship from you.
- Consider their perspective: Try to understand the person’s perspective and the reasons behind their behavior. There may be reasons that are not obvious to the naked eye, but that explain the reasons behind your confusing behavior.
- Offer alternatives: If the person seeks your company because they enjoy your friendship, you can offer alternatives to spend time together in a way that makes you comfortable. You could start going out more in groups or meeting up less frequently than now so you can protect your feelings.
- Be honest: If after the conversation it is clear that the person is looking for a friendship and you do not share those feelings, be honest in expressing your limits, but respecting their feelings. Being loved as a friend is something very valuable, since truly good friends are not easily found.
- Evaluate the relationship: Consider whether the relationship is healthy and satisfying for both parties. If you feel that this situation is causing you more discomfort than happiness, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship as a whole.
- Seek support: If you feel confused, consider talking to a trusted person or therapist to get guidance on how to handle the situation. Sometimes, other points of view can be of great help to see beyond what you see at a given moment.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Brenlla, M.E. (2004). Attitudes towards love and attachment. Dialnet. https://dialnet.unirioja.es/servlet/articulo?codigo=5645302
- Burton, N. (2017). What’s the Difference Between Friendship and Love? psychologytoday. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/hide-and-seek/201703/whats-the-difference-between-friendship-and-love
- Morano, CD (2001). The bond of friendship. Dialnet. https://dialnet.unirioja.es/servlet/articulo?codigo=140443