The jealousy They are a very complex emotion that we have all felt at some point, whether within a couple, between siblings, friends, co-workers, etc.
In reality, it is a reaction motivated by the fear of losing something, whether it is a person, a thing, certain social or family status or position, the affection of a loved one, etc.
If we talk about jealousy within a couple, we must be clear that jealousy never means or expresses love. In reality, they are the expression of an imbalanced emotional development.
What are the causes of jealousy
In the 1990s, New York University launched a study to discover what exactly caused jealousy. The results confirmed the theories of many psychologists. Jealous people tend to be insecure, have low self-esteem, and have an unhealthy attachment history during their upbringing.
Thus, at the base of jealousy we can find the following causes:
Insecurity and low self-esteem
Jealousy projects our own insecurities. The very fact of not valuing yourself enough causes the fear of losing the person you love. Our own insecurity generates distrust towards our partner.
Fear of being alone
In this case, jealousy is not motivated by affection for the other, but by a selfish concern about the possibility of being alone. It may be the fear of not being able to find a partner again or it may be people who do not know how to be alone, who cannot conceive of life without a partner. Social pressure can also influence this.
Feeling of possession towards the partner
This feeling is based on a mistaken idea: that the other person belongs to us. This creates toxic relationships and unhealthy patterns of behavior. However, an emotionally healthy couple can only be built by guaranteeing the autonomy of its two members, based on mutual trust.
Fear of losing the loved one
Emotional dependence is another reason for a jealousy problem. This causes the person to live in suspicion, with constant fear of losing their partner, and they are terrified of imagining their life without them. However, our happiness cannot be linked to a single person. No matter how much we love our partner, their company cannot be a necessary condition for us to have a full life.
Insecure attachment in childhood
There are studies that relate them to the development of jealousy problems in adult life. The mental schemas of a person raised in conditions of insecure attachment can develop dependent and jealous behaviors. Their affective patterns are unstructured, which causes emotional instability and low self-esteem.
Bad previous experiences
Previous experiences of abandonment or infidelity mark our life path and make us become more suspicious and distrustful. However, these bad experiences do not have to be repeated, we must relearn to trust.
Inappropriate emotional patterns
Having had a jealous previous partner can make us normalize this type of behavior. But we should not persist in bad habits, but rather correct them.
Should jealousy be repressed?
If we try to eradicate jealousy, it will continue to haunt us. More than that, what we must do is try to understand why they occur, be aware of our insecurities and fears to control them and to solve the original problem.
To solve a jealousy problem it is necessary to work on our self-esteem and be able to recognize our virtues and achievements.
When is jealousy considered pathological?
When jealousy goes beyond mere emotional management difficulties, it becomes a pathology.
According to the DSM-5, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of the American Psychiatric Association, the celotype (or pathological jealousy), also called Othello syndrome, is a subtype of delusional disorder whose central theme is the partner’s infidelity.
It is characterized by distrust and recurring, uncontrollable and obsessive thoughts about the couple’s possible infidelities. Jealousy is the central axis of the lives of these people, with whom it is practically impossible to live. These are cases that need psychological intervention.
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