Arguments are social situations that, in general, most people dislike due to the internal discomfort caused by seeing them confront each other. Whether the discussion develops one way or another will depend, to a large extent, on the personality of the people involved in this situation. In such situations, people react in different ways depending, mainly, on the psychological-emotional characteristics they possess: they may encourage discussion with their attitude, they may appear indifferent and, as if it were not their problem, they will try by all means. reduce the degree of discomfort generated or they will feel tremendously affected by such an unpleasant situation and may even become blocked.
In the following Psychology-Online article we explain Why arguments affect me a lot and how to manage them.
Why do discussions affect me a lot?
The interaction of factors such as, for example, personality, the psycho-emotional state of the moment or the environment can provoke one type or another of response. In the case of people who are overly affected by any discussion, the main reasons that cause this reaction are:
- Innocence and early age: Children, adolescents and young people who have not been especially hit psychologically or emotionally may be affected by their first discussions due to the pain that their innocent state of purity internally feels in the face of such an unpleasant situation.
- High sensitivity: People with high degrees of sensitivity tend to be also very affected by situations of conflict and discussion due to the intense pain that these situations cause them. In the following article you will find information about the .
- childhood wounds: after having suffered during their childhood unpleasant situations of repeated and intense confrontations and arguments between their parents or disruptive attitudes on the part of one of them, some people develop a defensive blocking reaction in the face of any situation of conflict or discussion in their life. In other words, when faced with any possible argument, they remember the pain they experienced during their childhood and remain blocked without being able to react.
Discussions make anyone feel uncomfortable. Although the development of certain types of societies has encouraged more aggressive and confrontational behaviors, human beings, in essence, are peaceful beings. That is why, in the face of any discussion, part of the human being’s soul is hit and, therefore, hurt and affected.
Effects of discussions
As we have commented before, in essence people are peaceful and discussions are alterations and imbalances in this cordial social functioning between human beings. In this way, we can consider that the effects of discussions on people in the short, medium and long term will be negative and harmful to the health and balance of the person.
Specifically, the psychological effects that prolonged discussion situations can cause are stress, anxiety, anger and resentmentpsychosomatic diseases, lack of attention, concentration and memory, anguish, despair, uncontrolled crying, etc.
Consequently, people’s bodies can be affected to a greater or lesser extent with effects such as headaches, migraines or migraines, vertigo, digestive imbalances and alterations, inflammatory diseases due to chronic stress of the cells, skin rashes or loss of blood. hair, among other consequences.
How to manage discussions
Taking into account the negative effects caused by arguments between two or more people, and in an attempt to facilitate how to constructively manage these situations, we offer below five techniques to manage arguments:
- Consider whether our motive is really so important. to maintain this unpleasant situation. Seeing the situation this way, it is quite likely that we give more importance to good understanding than to the egocentric attempt to win the argument. Most arguments are encouraged by an egocentric posture that does not allow us to even try to understand the reasons expressed by the other person. For people who are blocked by arguments, this technique will help them see the situation take off, seeing that the discussion is unnecessary and can be stopped with a good attitude and getting out of fear.
- Trying to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. After considering whether our motivation to argue is more worth it than maintaining a good relationship with the person in front of me, trying to put ourselves in their shoes will help us continue to appease our internal reasons for arguing. Again, for people who are strongly affected, making the effort to put themselves in the other person’s shoes will help them empathize with the person in front of them and get out of their defensive avoidance mechanism.
- Breath deeply and repeat internally “calm down, calm down,…”. This will help us get out of the maladjusted emotional state (aggressive or blocked) that fuels and maintains the argument. In this article you will find some that will help you stay calm and reduce anxiety.
- Strive to be patient and peaceful. An argument does not happen if two do not fuel it. In this way, if we do everything we can to remain calm, patient and with a peaceful attitude, we will help the bad atmosphere created to diminish and the other person involved lose the negative force that led them to also participate in the discussion. This technique will especially help people who are blocked because, although they do not aggressively participate in the discussion, they do so passively. If you abandon this attitude of fear and are actively peaceful, the other person will lose the reasons for their fight and confrontation.
- Ask for forgiveness: It is the best response on our part to pleasantly end a discussion. It’s not about losing your mind and letting the other person win. It has nothing to do with that. It is about asking forgiveness for our share of responsibility in the origin and maintenance of the discussion (even with regard to the passive attitude of the people who are blocked). Asking for sincere forgiveness is a miraculous tool that stops and erases all types of conflict by confronting the people involved with the absurdity of the situation compared to the priority of taking care of ourselves and treating us well.
Putting these five strategies into practice will help us stop any type of discussion we find ourselves in in time, even preventing them from escalating as soon as they start. People with great difficulty facing these situations, likewise, will be pleasantly benefited by adopting resolution tools that will allow them to forever abandon the fear and avoidance that kept them blocked.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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