If you’ve come this far, you probably never stop fearing that your partner will leave you, or that your friends will stop talking to you, or you’re afraid that your family will want to break contact with you. Furthermore, it is not always about the fear of physical abandonment, but rather an emotional one. That they stop caring about us or loving us can cause a high level of anxiety and stress. In the relationship where it is most reflected is in the couple and jealousy, insecurities, arguments, end up causing the end of the relationship that they were fearing so much, since in most cases, these fears have no real basis. and they are only a reflection of different experiences or traumas experienced in the past that we are paying with the person who is by our side today.
Next, in Psychology-Online, we will see why you are afraid of abandonment and how you can overcome it.
Attachment and fear of abandonment
Why am I afraid of abandonment? To understand the causes of fear of abandonment we must start from childhood. He is that bond that is created between a baby’s caregivers and it. During childhood, this attachment also continues to develop. in adulthood this learned attachment is expressed with the relationships we have as adults, especially relationships as a couple.
If your caregivers when you were an infant or adolescent did not attend to your emotional needs or did so only on some occasions without any apparent reason for their change in attitude, you will surely end up generating a problem. anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment which will cause you to not be able to have a healthy and safe attitude with your partners or your own children. In this article we talk about the.
Giving an example, if when a baby cries because he is hungry he is taken care of by the mother or father, he receives what he needs, he understands that when he needs help he will receive it and it will calm his anxiety. If, on the other hand, she learns that no matter how much she cries she will not be cared for, she will develop as an adult a feeling of abandonment and a feeling in which he considers that, no matter how much he needs something, no one will help him and help him, so he will learn that he is alone in the world.
Likewise, the fact that one of the parents is missing, whether due to divorce, death or another type of trauma, can cause fear of abandonment. A fear is generated of loving someone again and that this someone, in one way or another, ends up abandoning us and all those painful feelings that occurred at the time of the parent’s abandonment are repeated.
Fear of abandonment in the couple
That learning of not counting on anyone, of being alone, of believing that no one is going to be like this is very easy to awaken. At the moment in which the couple has an attitude slightly similar to that which the parents had during childhood, everyone those fears of being neglected will awaken. It is at this moment when toxic behaviors and attitudes begin in a relationship. The person with fear of abandonment will want to continually check that his partner is not like his parents, will constantly ask for signs of affection, approval, to reaffirm that the other is not going to leave…All of these are signs of fear of abandonment.
If, in addition, previous partners have left that person, a feeling of low worth will occur, it will be believed that one is not worthy of receiving affection and love and that no one will be able to love them, other symptoms, fear of abandonment.
How to overcome the fear of abandonment
We must understand that when a fear of abandonment occurs it is because there is an emotional dependence on others. How to work on the fear of abandonment? First of all, it must work on self-esteem and self-sufficiency. Both processes can go hand in hand. Reviewing the language we have with ourselves and starting to send messages of support and love will help our self-esteem rise. Additionally, creating routines self care Like taking a bath, getting ready, eating healthy or playing sports are ways to make us understand that we have the right to be treated well and that this good treatment has to start with ourselves. We must stop and think: how can I demand that others treat me well when I myself am not treating myself as I should? Therefore, the first step is up to you.
On the other hand, learning to manage emotions for ourselves without seeking to calm our anxiety with words or gestures made by others is of utmost importance. Painting mandalas, reading, playing sports… are good ways to be self-sufficient when it comes to calming down. In this article you will find information about.
Furthermore, overcoming past traumas and review irrational ideas that we have of the world is of utmost importance. Surely your concept of the world is that it is a dangerous place and that what happened to you will happen to you again and again. Correcting this misconception will help you stop constantly fearing that you will be alone and unprotected in the world. For this you will need the help of a professional.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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