There may come a time in your relationship when suffer more than you enjoy. This may be because you live with constant emotional ups and downs caused by the anguish that just thinking about that relationship may come to an end generates in you. Then, you stop living in peace because you are constantly aware of what your partner says and does. If you are always afraid that your partner will leave you, what happens is that you have developed an emotional attachment or dependence on that person. In this Psychology-Online article, we are going to analyze in more depth about “Why am I afraid that my partner will leave me?“. Keep reading and discover the most common causes.
Where does the fear of abandonment come from?
Why are some people so afraid of abandonment? Where do those fears come from? He emotional attachment or dependence It is an obsessive bond that is established with certain ideas, activities, thoughts, objects and in this case with other people. A person with a strong emotional dependence has the belief that the bond he maintains with another gives him the security and happiness he needs. There are people who are more likely to generate emotional dependence due to their family history and certain personal traits.
Society also exerts a great influence so that people more easily develop dependence on others. A dependency relationship is based on need and not preference. Needing is not the same as preferring since when you need what moves you is lack.
Below we will briefly explain some of the main factors that influence people to be afraid that their partner will leave them.
Social origin
Society in general has been instilling in us a quite idealistic conception about what love is. So people grow up with the belief that love has to be unconditional, perfect, sacrificial, that it has to last a lifetime, we believe that to be happy we have to find our “better half.”
When we have this mentality deeply ingrained, we tend to cling more to the idea that to be happy we need to have someone by our side and that when we have everything it has to be rosy, which can cause us a lot of unnecessary suffering. Really They don’t teach us what an earthly relationship is. Which has nothing to do with perfect love, in which love for a person does not necessarily have to last a lifetime and in which we can be happy even after having ended the relationship.
Family history
It has been shown that the relationship we had with parents at an early age can have repercussions when we establish an adult relationship. If as a child you had unpredictable and contradictory parents (one day they expressed affection to you and another they didn’t), it is more likely that when you establish an adult relationship, you will drag insecurities, jealousy, obsessions and dependency towards your partner.
It is important to take into account that parents are their children’s role models and when one or both parents have an emotional dependence on their partner, the chances increase for the child to also establish dependent relationships.
love for oneself
How much do you love yourself? People who have a and therefore they have little love and respect for themselves, they tend to fall more easily into a situation of attachment and dependence. When you do not have enough love for yourself, you put aside your personal interests and give greater importance to those of other people. The person feels unable to move forward on their own and feels that they are incomplete.
On the contrary, a person who feels love for himself is an independent person who establishes calmer relationships in which he does not put his dignity and personal value at stake. That she knows that happiness is in herself and she doesn’t need anyone to be calm. In this other article we tell you how
How to know if I am dependent on my partner
On many occasions we may have doubts about to what extent we can be considered to have a healthy dependence, so to speak, on our partner and when it has become a dependence or emotional attachment harmful.
It is perfectly normal that we want to spend a lot of time with our partner, especially at the beginning of the relationship, because we are just getting to know each other and other important factors such as falling in love come into play. However, when you have already gone through that stage and the relationship is more consolidated, the time comes to return to “normal life” and, in addition to dedicating time to your partner, you must also dedicate it to family, friends. , hobbies and personal goals.
These are some signs that will let you know if you have developed a dependency relationship towards your partner. You just have to identify yourself with one to confirm it.
- You leave aside the people and things that matter to you and dedicate your time exclusively to your partner
- You focus only on the goals you both have in common and forget about yours.
- You spend most of your time hanging on that person.
- Your emotional state depends on that person
- Your happiness depends on your relationship
- You have the feeling that you feel protected by your partner. Without her by your side you feel insecure.
- You think it is essential for your life
- You suffer more than you enjoy the relationship due to the emotional ups and downs caused by the constant fear of abandonment
- You constantly ask yourself: why am I always afraid that my partner will leave me?
6 keys to overcome the fear of my partner leaving me
Remember your personal goals and objectives
Remember that probably before meeting your partner or generating this bond of dependency, you had your own personal goals. Think about what they were, review them and visualize yourself achieving them every day so that you begin to recover that motivation that you have lost and give you the push to get back on track towards them.
Focus on you
Focusing on ourselves and our well-being does not mean that one is selfish. You are probably giving your partner more priority than yourself right now and this doesn’t have to be that way. Remember that in order to have a healthy relationship, both have to feel self-actualized and comfortable with themselves since if only one of them is, in the short or long term there will begin to be conflicts.
Strengthen your self-love
Remember that in order to give love to others you must first love yourself since you cannot offer something you do not have. If you have self-esteem problems and do not feel enough love for yourself, it is time for you to start working on yourself to increase it. If you think that you have tried in many ways and you still cannot love and accept yourself, it is recommended that you go to a professional, who will serve as support so that you can increase it and be able to love and respect yourself as it should be. .
Connect with more people
For any relationship, it is detrimental for one or both parties to isolate themselves from everyone else. This can lead to many problems in the long run, not only for the relationship but also individually. It is essential to stay in contact with other people, such as friends, family, schoolmates, work, etc. as well as expanding our social circle. All the emotional relationships that we generate throughout life are valuable and not just those between couples.
Do activities that you like
Take advantage of your free time to go do those activities that you like so much and that you enjoy individually or that you can do with other people. If you haven’t yet found those activities that you are so passionate about, start by trying different things to find them. This will help you further reinforce your self-esteem, distract yourself and realize that not only can you have a good time with your partner and that you can also do things that motivate you, that inspire you and with which you feel totally comfortable and happy. .
Practice meditation
Regular meditation practice has many benefits. Among them, it helps us focus our attention on the present moment and regulate our emotions. How can this benefit us? When we are sad, sensitive, afraid that our partner will leave us, we begin to generate thoughts about the future such as: “this relationship can end at any moment”, “if my partner leaves me I will feel terrible”, “I won’t be able to live without him or her”, etc. which causes us more anguish and suffering.
Meditation helps us change our perspective about those thoughts. It calms our mind by focusing on the present moment, it helps us realize that nothing is truly happening in the here and now and that we can enjoy what we are experiencing right now.
In this other article we discover you.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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