The world of a couple is a world with endless idiosyncrasies, each couple is a world and each person lives love in different ways. Even so, most couples go through different phases or stages, some stages where they are more attached to each other; others where they are very good together, but they no longer need contact as much as before because they already know that they have each other, etc. In some of these phases it may happen that your partner proposes something unexpected, such as finding someone else. In this Psychology-Online article we want to give you some tips about What to do when your partner tells you to find someone else.
Why does your partner tell you to look for someone else?
In the middle of an argument, deliberately or spontaneously, your partner may tell you to find someone else. What reasons could there be behind this uncomfortable situation?
He wants to prove himself
Maybe your partner is having a lot of doubts about the future of your relationship and one way to test his feelings towards you is to tell you to find someone else and see if this causes any kind of discomfort.
He does not love you
Another option is that perhaps before stating that he no longer feels the same way about you, it is easier for him to ask you to go with someone else, to then be justified in putting an end to your situation with excuses like: “I didn’t imagine I would feel so bad.” In this article you will find.
Want to open yourself to new experiences
Currently, we find ourselves in a very changing world and, with it, the way we relate to each other in love changes as well. Couples have evolved towards a society where the bonds that are forged are more flexible and the way of thinking has evolved towards more open relationships and not so closed – for some people – this fact may be a reason why your partner suggests that you find another partner, perhaps he/she is open to the idea of polyamory, being able to love more than one person at a time, in the case of a couple in a sexual-affective way. In this article we explain.
To compensate for his infidelity
It may happen that your partner has been unfaithful to you and that generates a feeling of guilt that he or she thinks can be compensated if you do the same act that he or she has already committed. In this article we explain.
Why does my partner make me feel bad?
Before starting with this section it is very important to keep in mind that conflicts in the couple exist and that we must learn from them, we cannot always expect to have an idyllic relationship. Even so, in any type of relationship that we maintain in our lives there must be undeniable things such as: I respect for the other person and that it makes you happy, that is, the good times overcome possible conflicts and that these conflicts never threaten you. When your partner makes you feel bad, there may be different reasons:
He doesn’t know how to manage his emotions
Maybe your partner is a person who has a hard time listening to themselves and understanding the emotions they feel. When this happens, people can act in an unempathetic way and harm those on our side because we don’t know how to understand or take care of ourselves either. If a person is sad, but does not know how to identify it, he will only notice a discomfort in his body and will stalk him at the first thing he sees fit, which in many cases may be his partner.
He doesn’t value you
Lack of responsibility for actions: another reason that can occur is the inability to recognize that every act has its consequence and therefore we must take responsibility for the actions we take. And that in all relationships there is reciprocity, that is, depending on what we do, we will obtain a response from the other person or another type of response. If he is not able to see that his actions have consequences and always externalizes, it may happen that he blames you for all his actions.
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What to do when your partner tells you to find someone else
How can you act on this comment? When your partner tells you to find someone else, you have these options:
Find someone else
If you feel good about the proposal made, you can start your search for another person, above all try to make the search not for revenge but for revenge. because you feel like it, otherwise it may be that after finding someone or when you are flirting with another person you feel bad, since you are not doing something that you truly believe, you are not being honest with yourself. So now you know, if this option is done it is because you are convinced that you want to do it.
Talk to your partner
Communication is very important in a couple. If the proposal made to you makes you feel uncomfortable, you must be able to express it as well as confront the uncertainty that the proposal generates in you regarding the feelings they have towards you. It is important to place special emphasis on this section, because if something is not clear to you, it generates doubts and discomfort even after you have spoken about it, speak about it again and express your opinion and feelings.
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Put an end to the relationship
If after having spoken and no agreement has been reached and, despite your refusal to look for another person, your partner continues with the same thing, perhaps it is time to ask yourself if this is the relationship you want. be and covers the sexual-affective needs that you want and need. If you don’t, it’s time to make a decision about it. In this article you will find.
Prioritize yourself
Given this proposal, at all times you must keep in mind your feelings, values, needs and listen to your body, mind and heart what it asks of you. Prioritize yourself and not your partner’s desires. Do you want to do this? You fancy? Are you going to feel good? Has that made you change your perception of your partner?
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Bauman, Z. (2005). Liquid love. About the fragility of human bonds. Madrid: Economic Culture Fund.
- Bauman, Z. (2007). Liquid fear: contemporary society and its fears. Buenos Aires: Paidós.