When a person does not have a job, it is not only a problem for them, but it can become a challenging and controversial aspect in the context of their relationship. This situation can become complicated when one of the members of the couple reproaches him or her and there is a climate of constant criticism and complaints in the relationship.
If your partner blames you for not working, it is normal for you to feel distressed and not know what to do or how to manage this situation. In this Psychology-Online article, we explain What to do if my partner blames me for not workingwhy he does it and what consequences does it have for the relationship if he throws money in your face.
The fact that a person does not work can affect their partner and the relationship as a whole. There may be several reasons why your partner complains about you not working. We describe them below:
- financial stress: The working person may feel that they are carrying a disproportionate financial burden and that their partner should contribute more to the household.
- Imbalance of responsibilities: If you don’t work, there may be an imbalance in household responsibilities and the person who works may feel that the entire burden of maintaining the home falls on them.
- Consideration of little effort on your part: Your partner may consider that you are not making enough efforts to find a job or improve your work situation.
- Money expectations: There may be tensions or disagreements around financial issues in the relationship, regarding who pays for what, how expenses are shared, etc.
If your partner blames you for not working, it is important to try to stay calm and avoid reacting in a defensive or aggressive way. Here are some tips you could follow to address the situation:
1. Positive talk about work
First of all, it is important that you both be able to have a positive conversation about work. To do this, you can follow the following steps:
- Establish a convenient time for both of you when you are receptive to talking about the topic.
- Find a private place without distractions.
- Limit time, as open discussions can lead to tension.
- Establish ground rules: one speaks, the other listens without interruption. Ask clarifying questions that are not critical. For example, instead of asking “Why…?” rephrase to “Can you tell me more about…?”
- Talk about each person’s beliefs in relation to work and lessons learned. When we share a story, we help the other person understand our perspective.
- Find the connection points where you both agree.
- It is important to know when to stop and postpone the conversation for another time.
2. Support each other and see the problem as a couple
What should I do if my partner blames me for supporting me? Holding on to resentment and anger about the work situation is counterproductive. Negativity blocks our ability to think clearly, making it difficult to work and solve problems. It is something that can only damage the relationship and does not resolve the work issue.
Instead, reframing the problem as something that belongs to both of you is a most effective way to solve it and brings us closer to the next step.
3. Practical solutions for money management
Working together to find work, better control expenses, and manage money can help combat the discomfort and conflict that comes with not having a job for an extended period of time. Additionally, it is very helpful to think about ways to distribute work and financial responsibilities equitably and look for ways to improve financial situation in the long term.
It is important that the two of you can sit down together and strategize not only for the job search, but also to avoid, or at least minimize, the conflicts that arise due to the stress of unemployment.
4. Attitude towards unemployment as something temporary and manageable
The ability to cope with the pressure of not finding a job depends on how couples deal with it. The repeated rejection that accompanies the job search is difficult, but a job opportunity is more likely to arise if you both stay focused on the result.
Try to keep a broad perspective and focus on a future where there are opportunities. Avoid catastrophic thoughts like “I will never find a job.” To reach the right opportunity, you must not give up at the first “no”, no matter how uncomfortable or painful it may be. To do this, we recommend you read this article about .
5. Set realistic expectations for the future
If your partner blames you for what he or she does for you, you need to stay positive but realistic about what to expect in the coming weeks and months. You must take into account aspects such as family situation, illnesses, labor market, whether you are studying or not, how long it may take to find a job, etc.
Don’t stop maintaining a routine as much as possible. Be mutually responsible and establish a daily agenda for both of you: job interviews, leisure outings, household chores, etc.
6. Search for professional support
If tensions due to work and economic reasons are seriously affecting the couple’s relationship, and when in doubt about what to do if my partner blames me for not working, it is best to seek professional help. It can “unravel” your situation, improve communication between both of you, and help you understand each other more effectively. find strategies and tools to solve the problem.
Additionally, a professional can help limit the psychological impact of the work situation and make it easier to focus on finding solutions. In this article you will find different ones.