If your boyfriend treats you badly but says he loves you, the first thing you should do is recognize the problem, set limits, communicate your feelings, seek support, and prioritize your well-being. It is important to ask for help and advice in this regard. We all get angry and can lose control in some situations, however, when the way of resolving conflicts becomes aggressive as the norm, we must remain alert to stop this abuse and prevent a bigger one.
In this Psychology-Online article we analyze What to do if my boyfriend treats me badly but says he loves me. We will expose the social, cultural and personal factors that favor situations of abuse in couples, we will clarify what the specific situations of abuse are and we will provide guidance on the steps and strategies to follow to modify these dysfunctional functionings or stop them.
Why does my partner treat me badly when he gets angry?
The dating violence among adolescents and young people in recent years it has unfortunately become a social problem with serious consequences at an individual and social level. In several studies carried out in different countries, it has been proven that abuse, whether verbal, psychological, physical or sexual, occurs in kids between 16 and 24 years old in a higher percentage than in other age groups (between 18 and 33). %).
There are many cases of young people who say “my partner makes me feel bad when he gets angry.” This situation reflects psychological abuse, apparently invisible, but with terrible consequences for those who suffer it. Here you can see.
The risk factors that serve as a breeding ground for both the aggressor and the victim to end up identifying with these roles derive from the capitalist and patriarchal system current situation, where essentially human needs and values have been replaced by artificialities and deceptions that fill us with frustration and aggressiveness/helplessness, and that end up causing situations of discrimination and abuse.
The reasons why a person may treat their partner badly when they are angry and that are related to the values that promote this situation of abuse are:
- Lack of communication skills: Some people may have difficulty expressing their emotions and frustrations in a healthy way. Instead of communicating effectively, they resort to abusive or destructive behaviors. In these cases, we recommend applying like the ones you will find in this article.
- Learned patterns: Some people may have grown up in environments where aggression or abuse was the usual way of dealing with anger. These patterns may have been internalized and repeated in your current relationships.
- Control problems: In some cases, abuse during anger may be related to a desire to control the partner. The person may use abuse as a form of manipulation to get what they want or to maintain power and dominance in the relationship. The superiority of men over women, which culturally transmits gender stereotypes in an obvious or subtle way, promotes this need to control the other.
- Stress management problems: There are people who find it difficult to manage stress and frustration in a healthy way. When they feel overwhelmed, they may vent their anger and frustration on their partner, using abuse as a way to release their own emotional tension.
Furthermore, the promotion of values such as consumerism, immediacy, individualism and egocentrism, as well as socioeconomic inequalities, favor maladaptive and emotionally and psychologically maladjusted family and social functioning.
First and foremost, regardless of the reasons behind the behavior, it is important to remember that mistreatment or abusive treatment is never justified. No one deserves to be mistreated, even in moments of anger. If you are experiencing abuse from your partner, it is essential to seek support and consider leaving that relationship to ensure your safety and well-being.
How to identify that my partner treats me badly if he says he loves me
If you say that “my boyfriend treats me badly and then regrets it” or “my boyfriend talks to me when he gets angry”, you could be suffering psychological abuse from your partner. All of the aforementioned factors are related to each other, causing maladjusted social interactions. In the specific case we are dealing with, they refer to disrespectful relationships.
If you want to identify if your partner treats you badly, even if he tells you he loves you, pay attention to the following examples of lack of respect in a couple:
- Contempt and humiliating treatment.
- Mockery, criticism and humiliation.
- Verbally, physically or sexually assault.
- Control, limit and censor.
- and respect.
- Lying and hiding relevant aspects.
- Lack of loyalty.
- Ignore, ignore, not listen or speak.
- Blackmail and/or blame.
If you detect any of these behaviors, you may be suffering psychological abuse from your partner. If you want to understand why they are so serious, in the following article we explain what they are.
What should I do if my boyfriend treats me badly but says he loves me?
When wondering what to do if your partner speaks badly to you, unfortunately, there is no easy solution for it, since these dysfunctional relationships can be the result of personality structures with emotional deficiencies originally created by our social system. Many aspects of these interactions are normalized by the members of the couple themselves (aggressor and/or victim) or even by their immediate social environment.
So what should I do if my boyfriend treats me badly? When the factors of lack of respect in the couple mentioned above occur, it is necessary to intervene quickly to change the situation or, if this is not possible, end the relationship. The most convenient measures to reverse the situation of abuse are:
- Become aware of the abusive situation
- Find support social (family and friends), institutional (social services and social protection agents) and professional (psychologists, mediators and professionals in the sector)
- Do self-care work and personal growth (both in the case of the victim and the aggressor) to restore the lost emotional balance or to create a secure emotional base, which has not existed until now.
The work in it is used as a prevention tool, and to stop emotional abuse as a couple. In this sense, the most important areas to work on are:
- Intrapersonal: develop self-concept, self-esteem, assertiveness, emotional self-awareness and independence. In the following article you will find.
- Interpersonal: work on empathy and interpersonal relationships.
- Adaptability: offer problem-solving strategies and develop an attitude of openness and flexibility in the face of changes and/or frustrations.
- Stress management: work on stress tolerance and impulse control. Here you can see.
- Mood and motivation: encourage positive mood and motivated to action.
In reality, although incorporating this type of emotional work in schools is important, it is also essential to continue acting in all other social areas, as they are a source of food for mistreatment of young people and many other social inequalities. intervene and changing the root of the problems is the best preventive to prevent its gestation and development.
Finally, remember that there is a .
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to What to do if my boyfriend treats me badly but says he loves mewe recommend that you enter our category.
Bibliography
- Blazquez Alonso, M., Moreno Manso, JM and García-Bahamonde Sánchez, ME (2009). Emotional intelligence as an alternative for the prevention of psychological abuse in couples. Annals of Psychology. Volume 25, nº2, pages 250-260. University of Murcia.
- Fernández de Juan, T. (2014). Sexual and gender education vs. abuse in the couple. Scenario on violence in young people in Baja California. Department of Cultural Studies. The northern border school. Vol. 15. Number 30. Retrieved from: http://www.scielo.org.mx/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S0187-69612014000200003
- Martínez Gómez, JA, Vargas Gutierrez, R. and Novoa Gómez, M. (2016). Relationship between dating violence and observation of parental models of abuse. Psychology: Advances in discipline. 10(1), 101-112.