One of the fundamental reasons why we form intimate and romantic relationships is due to the need that all people have to feel loved, understood, supported by others, seen and validated for who we are.
We want our relationships to include companionship, passion, friendship, to fill us with purpose, to feel special and important in the life of our partner or spouse and to know what place we occupy in their lives. However, when in a relationship, instead of feeling recognized, we have the feeling that our partner is hiding from us, it may be a question of stashing. In the following Psychology-Online article we will explain what is the stashing in the couple and why it should be avoided.
What is stashing on social networks
The term stashing refers to the signs that your partner does not include you in important areas of his life and actively hides you, such as avoiding posting photos of you on social media. We live immersed in the era of digital life, so not being accepted and disseminated in this medium can be very painful.
Even so, if it happens to you, you should take it with caution and don’t rush to draw conclusions. That your partner does not want to appear on your profile does not have to be an unequivocal case of stashing not a warning sign that the relationship is in danger. It is important to remember that there are people who simply do not like social networks, do not spend time on them, do not find them fun or do not want to expose their private life on them.
Is it normal for my partner to hide me on social networks?
Nowadays, exposing our lives on networks is normalized. Still, keep in mind that this is also related to the image you create of yourself and the validation you receive from others. In this way, wanting to show our partner on our social networks at all costs could imply that you do not respect their will and could have a negative impact on your relationship and in yourself.
However, sometimes the stashing Nor is it limited solely to the realm of social media. If you notice that your partner behaves in a loving way, includes you in his plans, you have a place in his life or that you know his friends and family, simply It could be a person who is not active on social networks or that he prefers to keep his private life apart from them.
Likewise, publicly and constantly exposing your relationship could harm us. According to García Garzón, sharing certain aspects of life as a couple could help validate the relationship and also strengthen the bond with the other person thanks to the feeling of intimacy experienced. Garzón adds the nuance that a person You can be active on social networks and not show your partner and that these statements may be subject to insecurity and lack of confidence in oneself and the relationship. If this is your case, in this article you will find information about .
How to know if your partner is stashing you
If you are wondering how to know if my partner is hiding from me, below we will show you signs that can help you identify it:
- Not knowing any friends, acquaintances or family from your partner, even though you’ve been dating for a while.
- Avoid going out together to crowded places where you can meet acquaintances or friends.
- Avoid posting photos of both. He claims that he does not publish photos together because the relationship does not have to be public, even though he does do so with other people.
- Does not accept labels or It does not go up stories with you.
However, before jumping to conclusions or accusations, you should keep in mind that You can’t confuse social media with reality. of your day to day life when evaluating your relationship. Therefore, keep in mind that factors such as the duration of the relationship, your partner’s use of the networks, whether they are afraid of “what people will say” or want to protect their private life, among others, can influence their behavior.
Furthermore, not all signals that can act as possible indicators of stashing They are applicable to all contexts. For this reason, we would not be talking about stashing If your partner does not usually share personal information publicly, is not interested in social networks, needs more time to formalize the relationship, his family and friendship ties are not very close, etc.
Every relationship is different, so, when in doubt, communication in the relationship is crucial to avoid misunderstandings. In this article you will see.
Why you should avoid stashing in your relationship
What to do if they make me stashing? In an interview for Daily Mail, psychologist Hemmings pointed out that the reason why some people do stashing It could be the result of not thinking about your relationship with your partner long-term, or the person is not special enough to introduce to your friends or family.
For this reason, this situation must be avoided, since it would be a sign that one part of the couple does not take the other seriously, which causes the feeling of feeling used. The “stasher”, that is, the person who acts in this way with his partner, despite maintaining a romantic relationship, keeps his options open to meeting other people, which results from a lack of commitment for the couple and the relationship.
Another reason that would reflect why the stashing is that the “stasher” acts by afraid to show your feelings by your partner and want to avoid feeling judged because you would like to give another image with other people, for example, as a conqueror.
Another of the causes that cause the stashing is that the “stasher” is ashamed of the person he is dating, perhaps because he believes that physically or intellectually he is not up to his standard. This causes a very unpleasant situation for the other person, who longs for a deeper bond in their relationship, and can feel judged.
Consequences of stashing for the couple
One of the most worrying consequences of stashing for the couple it is emotional suffering and psychological damage what it causes in the person who suffers from it. We tell you the effects it has below:
- Feelings of inferiority regarding your partner by considering yourself not worthy of being included in your partner’s life. Discover and how to eliminate this feeling.
- Rethinking long-term expectations and put the relationship on the line.
- Making decisions based on fear or in the anger that you may regret.
Some people prefer to stay in an open relationship for a while to get to know someone and decide if they really want to start a relationship with them. However, the fact that a person keeps you a secret for too long would be enough to make you consider talking about this attitude and draw conclusions that will help you make a decision.
There’s nothing wrong with some people needing to take things slow and move forward little by little, but it’s important to differentiate between taking your time doing it and avoiding it at all costs. If you think your situation resembles a case of stashing, Consider talking to your partner to try to clear things up.. To avoid disappointment, it is important to make clear what you need in your relationship. Only then will you be able to check if it is worth staying in the relationship or walking away from it.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to What is stashing in a relationship and why it should be avoidedwe recommend that you enter our category.
References
- Hemmings, J. (2017) Are you a victim of stashing? dailymail
Bibliography
- Encinas, FJL (2015). Psychological intervention in couples therapy. Pyramid Editions.
- L’Abate, L., & Talmadge, W.C. (2013). Love, intimacy, and sex. in Integrating sex and marital therapy (pp. 23-34). Routledge.
- Salmurri, F. (2004). Emotional freedom. Strategies to educate emotionss.