The sex. Something that everyone looks for and wants. Sex is a topic that makes us all curious, but that not everyone dares to talk about. And it has been a topic so repressed throughout history, so taboo, that it is normal to have reservations when talking openly about it and, for the same reason, expectations and doubts are generated around it. Sex is the latent topic that everyone wants to know more about.
It is common, especially when you are still discovering this world, to think about sex. But what happens when we can’t stop thinking about it? Is it normal to think about sex all day? Continue reading this Psychology-Online article to discover it and continue informing yourself about the topic.
Thinking about sex and sexual desire
Helen Kaplan, a specialist in sexology and sexual therapy, proposed a sexual response model to explain the phases we go through when we want and/or have sex. Today it is the most used model and on which most treatments are based. In it Kaplan three-phase modelthe sexual response is divided into desire, excitement and orgasm.
In the desire phase, this is defined as an impulse that leads the person to seek a sexual experience or to be receptive to having it. Thoughts about sex, fantasies, etc. are included in this phase. When alterations occur at this stage, disorders such as , sex aversion disorder or hyperactive sexual desire or hypersexuality may appear.
But not all alterations have to lead to disorders. There are some general criteria to evaluate in alterations in sexual desire:
- The frequencythat is, if there is more or less appearance of desire, sexual fantasies, receptivity to erotic stimuli, etc.
- The intensity of desireif there is a defect or an excess of it, if there is a presence of intensity during the sexual response cycle, etc.
- The orientation. Let no one be alarmed! It does not refer to sexual orientation (understood as hetero, homo, bi, etc.), but rather how the orientation of that desire is expressed, that is, if there is exclusivity (the desire only appears in certain circumstances or with a certain person or object), compulsion, etc. This parameter is more related to paraphilias.
It must be taken into account that For frequency and intensity there are no absolute values on which to determine if it is “a lot” or “little”, but the assessment of the alterations depends on the frequency and base intensity of the person. For example, there are people who already have a high frequency of sexual desire and this does not mean that they suffer from hypersexuality.
Furthermore, it is necessary to contemplate the role of the society in which we live. We find ourselves in a hypersexualized societywhere sex takes on disproportionate importance when it comes to defining status among young people, where it is used to sell anything even if it has nothing to do with it (even colognes and cleaning products!), where it is an essential ingredient in any movie or television series… Given this panorama, no wonder we think about sex and may even become a cause for concern.
Hypersexuality
Hypersexuality is a disorder that has been defined throughout history. In the past, a distinction was made between that of men (called “satiriasis” or “Don Juanism”) and that of women (“nymphomania” or “vaginal rage”). For both sexes it has received countless names: sexual hyperesthesia, compulsive promiscuity, compulsive autoeroticism, excessive sexual drive (OMS), etc. Currently there is no single name for this type of behavior: compulsive sex, sex addiction, sexolism, sex addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, problematic hypersexuality, etc.
People who have a maladaptive sexual behaviorwith marked sexual impulsivity and/or compulsivity, risky behaviors and probable paraphilias.
Hypersexuality criteria
The criteria to be evaluated to determine if one suffers from sex addiction are the following.
- Invest a excessive time spent on sexual fantasies and desiresas well as in the planning and carrying out of sexual behaviors.
- Repeated sexual fantasies, desires and behaviors are a response to dysphoric moods (anxiety, depression, boredom, irritability…) or stressful life situations.
- Persistent and unsuccessful attempts are made to control or reduce sexual fantasies, desires, and behaviors.
- There is repeated involvement in sexual behavior, ignoring the physical, mental or emotional risk it may have for oneself or other people.
Behaviors involved in sex addiction
- Compulsive masturbation (75%). In the following article you will find more information for.
- Use of pornography -magazines, internet, movies…- (47.5%)
- Promiscuity – multiple lovers, payment of prostitutes… – (44.1%)
- Use of erotic phones
- Use of erotic chats
- Constant sexual fantasies
- Cybersex
- Hypersexual and obsessive behavior with a person
Consequences
Another way to know if you are addicted to sex is by the consequences it usually entails:
- Social: loss of employment, risk of being arrested, devaluation of socioeconomic status, unwanted breakup of a relationship, etc.
- Physics: contraction of sexually transmitted diseases, physical exhaustion, fatigue, etc.
- Psychological: guilt, shame, loneliness, isolation, concentration difficulties, etc.
How to stop thinking about having sex constantly
Thinking about sex is something natural. However, it is possible that an excess of these thoughts interferes with your daily life, preventing you from leading a normal life and generating anxiety and discomfort. Being able to control these thoughts is essential to recover your daily life. Below you have some tips to stop thinking about sex:
- Identify triggers of thoughts (situations, moments, images, etc.) to be able to avoid them or stop them in time.
- Avoid viewing erotic content: watch suggestive videos and images, conversation topics that make you think about sex, etc.
- stay busy (with things that have nothing to do with sex, obviously), make plans, commit to things, etc.
- Direct your attention: Immerse yourself in things that fully capture your attention: a book, a movie, a creative process like writing, drawing, singing, playing an instrument, etc. You can also train your attention and let go of thoughts through .
- Do exercise. It is a good way to stay busy and you also release the same hormones as when you have sex, so in some way it helps to “satiate” your appetite.
- Leave yourself space for sex. It’s about reducing these thoughts, not suppressing them completely. It is important to be able to develop a healthy sexuality, explore yourself, ask yourself doubts, etc.
- Consult with a specialist. As always, if you find yourself having difficulties handling these situations, it is best to go to a psychologist or sexologist who will be able to give you an answer adapted to your case.
And remember: sex is to be enjoyed, not suffered.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Kaplan, H. (1974). The new sex therapy.
- Kingston, D.A., & Firestone, P. (2008). Problematic hypersexuality: A review of conceptualization and diagnosis. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 15284-310.