When a couple breaks up their relationship, it may be the case that the person left does not accept the situation and tries to maintain contact with their ex-partner every day. Most of the time, the person who has ended the relationship does not return calls, but from time to time he relents and talks, even to repeat that his relationship is over.
This intermittent reinforcement given by the occasional response to phone calls causes the dumped person to regularly call their ex in the hope that they will still respond. In this Psychology-Online article we will delve into this topic to understand What is intermittent reinforcement in a couple and how to break it.
What is intermittent reinforcement
Intermittent reinforcement refers to the fact that reinforcing a behavior increases the likelihood that it will be repeated. Unlike continuous reinforcement, intermittent reinforcement involves reinforcing only some actions of the desired behavior, not all. Specifically, there are four subgroups of intermittent reinforcement programs that we will show you below:
- Fixed ratio: reinforcement depends on the number of responses given, that is, for reinforcement to occur, a fixed number of reactions is needed. This program tends to produce consistently high levels of reaction. An example would be the predetermined bonus that they give you in a store when you buy a certain number of units.
- Variable ratio: in this case, the reinforcement depends on the number of responses given. A variable or random number of reactions causes reinforcement, making it a system capable of producing high levels of resistant reaction. For example, slot machines or the lottery produce this type of intermittent reinforcement.
- Fixed interval: reinforcement is based on the passage of time. It produces a reactive pattern that varies from a slow, weak reaction after reinforcement to a rapid reaction just before exposure to reinforcement. An example of a fixed interval would be hourly wages or annual wages paid on a fixed basis.
- Variable range: it is always a reinforcement that is also based on the passage of time. The first outcome following a variable time interval is subject to reinforcement. It is a system capable of producing high rates of constant and resistant reaction, such as the praise or compliments received by the boss in response to a job well done.
As we see in the intermittent reinforcement subgroups, not all outcomes are followed by reinforcement, which can produce reactions very frequently. The low frequency of the booster prevents the appearance of premature saturation, so this type of booster is suitable for stable and high frequency reactions.
How intermittent reinforcement works in relationships
Intermittent reinforcement abusive relationships often manifest with a narcissistic person in which abuse is wisely mixed with periodic affection at unpredictable times. Intermittent reinforcement works precisely because “rewards,” for example, a hug or a show of remorse from the bully, are given sporadically during the cycle of abuse.
This forces the victim to work harder to feed the toxic relationship because they desperately want to return to the honeymoon phase of the abuse cycle. Thus, intermittent reinforcement in relationships causes dependency due to the unpredictability of the cycle of abuse.
This effect also works on a biochemical level. When pleasant moments are few and far between, fused with cruelty, the reward circuits associated with a toxic relationship become stronger. When pleasure is predictable, reward circuits become accustomed to it and our brains actually release less dopamine over time when we are in a relationship with a consistently good partner.
In this sense, it could be argued that in many cases the rejection and chaos of a toxic partner creates an addiction which is much more lasting than the predictable quality of stable love. In this article you will find more information about the.
How to detect intermittent reinforcement in love
The intermittent reinforcement technique in psychology causes the abuse victim to become dependent due to severe ups and downs in the relationship. If you want to learn how to detect this situation, then we will show you clear signs from intermittent reinforcement from a manipulative narcissist:
- He floods you with messages and disappears.
- He walks away abruptly after a moment of apparent intimacy.
- He makes his partner feel very good through flattery and then strongly devalues him.
- Seduce and then abandon or becomes slippery.
- It seduces by getting closer and then abruptly putting a distance.
- Come back just when you were leavingand finally you were a little better.
If you have doubts about whether you are experiencing this situation, we recommend you do our
How to Break Up with Intermittent Reinforcement in Toxic Relationships
Intermittent reinforcement in the couple strengthens the traumatic bond and is essential to break it look for support and a space away from the other person. The best thing to break this type of bond is not to have contact with the other, that is, the rule known as no contact.
Thus, to get out of intermittent reinforcement in a relationship, you have to put distance in order to regain peace of mind and free yourself from pain and dependence on your partner. To achieve this, we recommend you follow these tips:
- Distance yourself physically, emotionally and mentally of the person to repair damaged self-esteem and rebuild your life.
- Start the detoxification process of pathological dependence. In this article, we tell you.
- Complying with the no contact rule will give way to your emotional rebirth.
- Seek professional support: The traumatic bond can only be dissolved with deep work that you must do on yourself with the psychological support of an experienced professional. The psychologist will help you apply dynamics to understand and identify the vicious circle of manipulation and, consequently, to heal yourself.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Kreitner, R., Kinicki, A. (2004). Organizational behavior. Milan: Apogee.
- Saccà, F. (2019). Narcissis and intermittent rhinforzo technique. Retrieved from: https://www.francescasacca.it/blog-psicologo-roma/narcisisti-e-tecnica-del-rinforzo-intermittente/
- Saccà, F. (2019). Perché il narcissist…? Capire as a pathological narcissist works for mettersi in safe. Lecce: Youcanprint.
- Van Dijk, S. (2021). Fare DBT. Practical guide for professionists alla Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Milan: Franco Angeli.
- Venturi, C. (2022). Rinforzo intermittente in psychology: how it conditions and how it determines our behavior. Retrieved from: https://www.chiaraventuri.it/rinforzo-intermittente-in-psicologia/