Emotional independence occurs in those people who are able to carry out their lives and personal relationships in a mature and balanced manner without depending emotionally on anyone. Emotional dependence means the opposite, a pathological behavior that deprives the person of free, real and sincere behavior and subjects them to the need to depend on the care and acceptance of a third person on whom their own calm and well-being depends.
In this Psychology-Online article, we are going to discuss the issue of emotional independence and dependence and the way in which a state of greater emotional independence can be consolidated. Let’s see What is emotional independence and how to work on it.
What is emotional independence
Emotional independence refers to an internal attitude by which a person can carry on his or her life without depending on anyone else. For this concept to be well defined, it is important to note that this notion of independence assumes that The human being is a social being that needs relationships with others to have a healthy standard of living.. The term “independent” is used to differentiate it from “dependence”, understood as those pathological relationships in which certain people cannot function on their own without separating from other significant people in their lives. Understood in this way, emotional independence would constitute an important aspect to develop in the person as a factor that favors personal growth, development and maturity.
What is emotional dependence due to?
There are people who present greater or lesser degrees of understanding this, as we have commented, as an attitude and behavior with a certain degree of pathology in that it does not allow them to function autonomously unless it is in conjunction with a certain person in their life.
If you suffer from emotional dependence, it is normal for you to ask yourself: “Why am I emotionally dependent?” Emotional dependence is due, in most cases, to a constant need to be attended to, taken into account and cared for by others. Let’s see the two main causes:
Emotional deficiencies in childhood
Emotional dependence usually occurs in people who have suffered certain emotional deficiencies during their childhood and, as a defense mechanism to cover the emptiness they felt at that moment with respect to the maternal/paternal love expected and not obtained, they act by “attaching” themselves to certain people. as a way to obtain that long-awaited love and care.
Overprotection in childhood
Other cases of emotional dependence can occur in people whose caregivers have been excessively overprotective, without allowing the person to develop autonomously and independently with respect to its vital functioning. In both cases, those affected become emotionally dependent people. In the following article, we talk about the .
How do you know if a person is emotionally dependent? Here you can make a .
How to achieve emotional independence
How can we help people achieve emotional independence, understanding this as a way of life in which we relate in a cordial, respectful and sincere manner with our neighbors but with enough maturity not to get hooked or dependent on any person? ? Next, we will explain how to achieve emotional independence.
1. Address emotional needs in childhood
For this process to occur naturally in people, it is essential to correctly attend to emotional needs during childhood until adolescence. In the different stages of this period, children and young people need certain modes of emotional interaction that, if given correctly, will give them sufficient emotional maturity to be able to relate openly with people for the rest of their lives, with assertiveness, empathy and emotional independence. If we want to educate our children with this objective, it will be important that we get advice, information and/or training on what these real needs of children and adolescents are and how to address them in a favorable way.
2. Work on emotional independence in adulthood
How to have emotional independence? Let’s look at the keys to creating emotional independence:
- Become aware. In the case of people who suffer from emotional dependence, the way to break this self-destructive way of life will be to help these people become aware of their behavior.
- Analyze the cause. From here, it will be important to show them the way in which this means of survival was created and established in them, showing them the limitations of living this way.
- Personal work. Accompany them in the process of personal reconstruction that will allow them to fill the inner void.
- Heal past wounds. In this article, we explain.
- Foster healthy relationships. Adopt a new way of life that is healthier and more balanced with themselves and their environment.
- Authoremotional responsibility. Learn to take charge of your own needs and emotions.
- Change irrational beliefs. Here we explain.
- Psychotherapy. The process of accompaniment in this awareness and in the adoption of new, more independent behaviors will be essential in the consolidation of emotional independence.
- Information and readings. Some authors who can help us in this process of accompaniment or development of our own emotional independence may be Laura Gutman and Walter Riso They are two of the authors who, with their books, can help us progress in the complex process of emotional liberation and independence.
An example would be a person whose emotional state depends on the attention and care they receive from their partner. In this case, the person in question will be shown how their way of acting exempts them from taking responsibility for their own emotional instability by indicating how their own behavior has been, based on irrational beliefs based on childhood deficiencies (if they take care of me, they love me). and they pay attention, yes no, no, etc.) which gives rise to a behavior of emotional dependence that does not allow you to be free and act in a healthy and mature way with your partner.
In this article, you will find more information about .
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Gutman, L. (2006). Breeding. New Extreme Editorial.
- Riso, W. (2013). Practical guide to overcome emotional dependence: 13 steps to love with independence and freedom (Vol. 1). PHRONESIS SAS.