One of the easiest “traps” to fall into when we are in a relationship, whether as a couple, friendship or family, is emotional attachment. It’s about the dependency that is created between two people and that means we cannot be 100% independent. Our happiness does not depend, then, on ourselves but will be highly dependent on the relationship we maintain with that other person. It can be a double-edged sword, especially if we are talking about a couple’s environment since, if the relationship comes to an end, we can feel empty and depressed. In this Psychology-Online article, we are going to discover you what is emotional attachment and how to overcome it. Healthy relationships are those that bring more happiness and connection.
Are you emotionally dependent? Test
This is a situation that is very common in any type of relationship. It can be on a romantic level as well as on a friendship or family level. Furthermore, you can feel attachment, not only to people, but also to things. In fact, you may feel attached to your home, your city, your job, your clothes… an emotion that can prevent you from moving forward and stay stuck in your comfort zone.
To find out if you have emotional dependence, below we are going to offer you a test with questions that you must answer honestly. It is important that you be honest with yourself in order to have a truthful result on the subject. Answer TRUE or FALSE to these questions To know if you are emotionally dependent:
- The criticism of others affects me a lot.
- I care a lot what they think of me
- I don’t like to be contrary because I don’t like confrontations.
- I keep my opinions to myself if they are different from those of the rest.
- It is difficult for me to take the initiative when I am with other people
- I am afraid of losing my partner/friend/family and I often suffer from this thought.
- When I am afraid or afraid, I usually do emotional blackmail
- I find it difficult to make decisions for myself
- I feel like I need that person to be happy.
- I like to know where that person is at all times so I know they are okay.
- I have isolated myself a little from my friends and/or family
- I often feel anxious when I think about that relationship.
- I’m usually sad
- I feel like I don’t love myself very much, that I have low self-esteem.
If you answered a majority of TRUE
If you answered the previous statements with a majority of TRUE, then you do feel emotional attachment or dependence on someone in your environment. This feeling may be more or less obvious but it is affecting your personal and private life. Leaving aside friends or becoming obsessed with the lives of others can disrupt your own security and happiness. You have to conceive that the other person is someone independent and does not have to be accountable to you or be aware of you all day.
If you answered a majority of FALSE
So, in general, we can affirm that you are not 100% dependent. It is clear that, in the vast majority of relationships, there is a certain degree of dependency. But, in your case, it is a degree that can be managed and that is not affecting your life or your self-esteem.
If you have TIE
You have to be very careful because you are at the turning point that can lead you to a toxic or healthy relationship. You have to correct attitudes and remember that no one belongs to anyone. You are two independent people who, together, have a good time and become happier. But happiness is found in you and inside you, don’t forget it!
Tips to overcome emotional dependence
Once you have been honest with yourself, it is important to face the problem and know how to overcome emotional attachment. You have to change the course of this situation Because, dependency, the only thing it will do is make your destiny and your happiness much more vulnerable. The reason is that you let your happiness and well-being be in the hands of others and, therefore, it can be very dangerous.
In order to overcome emotional dependencies, we recommend that you take into account these tips that will surely help you.
Increase your self-esteem
One of the main reasons we “get attached” to people is to feel stronger and more secure. But this is a basic error. Security and our self-love have to come from within us, it cannot be related to something or someone outside of us. Therefore, the first thing you have to do is love yourself more, dedicate time to yourself and forgive your failures, as well as recognize your virtues. The change begins with yourself, so give yourself the value you really want and, thus, you will not need others to reinforce that positive image of yourself. In this article, we show you.
Learn to be alone
In order to overcome emotional attachment, it is essential that you know how to be with yourself. People who compulsively flee from loneliness are because there is something in them that doesn’t quite work. Remember that you just have to learn to be happy, that you don’t have to need more company than yourself to be comfortable and at peace. Therefore, we suggest that you spend more time in solitude, that you enjoy these moments just for yourself and that you make peace with yourself. Others can help you occasionally to overcome life’s problems but it is you who, in the end, has to heal your wounds.
Be clear about your objectives
People who are emotionally dependent often lose sight of their personal purposes and goals in life. Normally, they cling to the dreams and desires of that other person and “abandon” themselves to joint plans. This usually happens, especially, within a relationship where the limits of individuality often seem to be erased. But this is something you should avoid as much as possible. It is good that you have common projects, but you should also have separate projects. Our dreams and your goals should never be erased from our minds.
Learn to be assertive
If you want to regain your emotional and personal independence, it is important that you dare to be who you are. Don’t be afraid to say what you think (as long as you do it in a respectful and polite way). Many times, the presence of another more confident and “tough” person can make us feel small. But it is important to avoid this and reaffirm your personality and your opinions. Only in this way will you be able to regain your autonomy and not silence yourself or treat yourself badly.
How to overcome emotional attachment in a couple?
Although this dependence can take place on any emotional level, the truth is that it is on the romantic level where it is most common. The reason is that, sometimes, the fact of having a partner is confused with the fact of becoming a “pack.” And we must not forget that a couple is the union of two individual and independent people who decide to be together to be happier. Increase happiness but not create it. Because you, by yourself, already have to be happy.
A very common and dangerous mistake is believe that our happiness depends on our partner. “It just doesn’t make me happy,” this is one of the most common complaints that can arise in this area. But keep in mind that no one has to make you happy, you just have to be happy and others are people who will make you happier.
In the event that your partner suffers from this situation, here are some tips for you to know on a romantic level.
Have a healthy relationship
Dependency is one of the symptoms that a relationship is toxic. Mentally you have to be clear that that person is with you because he loves you and because he wants you. But, just as he is, he can go. It is neither yours nor are you his. That person is independent of you and he is by your side because of the feelings you have. Therefore, treat her the same way you treat a friend and avoid reproaches, avoid feeling jealous, avoid possessive relationships. All of this will not bring anything good, the only thing it will do is add more fuel to the fire and cause the couple to wither.
Get away from your partner a little
How to free yourself from emotional attachment? If you think you are having a dependent relationship with your partner, we suggest an exercise: try to distance yourself from them. And do it for real. Spend time spending time with your loved ones, avoid being on your cell phone all day, etc. Recovering your own life will help you be able to “disengage” from your partner and heal the relationship again. Furthermore, sometimes, missing each other and wanting to see each other makes the relationship reborn, as well as the passion.
have your own life
And finally, to eliminate emotional attachment in the couple, we recommend that you have a life of your own. It’s okay for you to share intimate moments, moments with mutual friends, but it’s also okay for everyone to make their own plans with their friends. That degree of independence is necessary and very healthy, therefore, do not lose it. And if you’ve already lost it, nothing happens, you can create it again.
Here we reveal the ways so that you can solve this situation as soon as possible.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Garriga, J. (2013). Good love in the couple. Barcelona: Destination.
- Gottman, J.M., Silver, N. (2012). Seven golden rules for living as a couple. Barcelona: Debolsillo.