Although it is spreading thanks to social networks that exalt its apparent characteristics and virtues, vulnerable narcissism is difficult to recognize at least from the beginning, because it does not have the megalomaniacal visibility of the extroverted and histrionic form, but it is no less dangerous.
They are cold people, in fact very antisocial, fearful and worried about their future, but ready to aggressively shoot at the first contradiction in life. Understanding whether we are dealing with narcissistic people helps us understand what happens every time you interact with them and reflect on how much we are willing to invest in that relationship. In this Psychology-Online article, we will see What is a vulnerable narcissist and how to identify them.
What is a vulnerable narcissist
Along with the classic prototype of a narcissistic person, who is seen as arrogant and conceited, the so-called vulnerable narcissist is extremely sensitive to how others react to him. Specifically, a covert narcissist has the following traits:
- He seems inhibited and avoids being the center of attention.
- A shy person characterized by feelings of inadequacy and anxiety, so they tend to avoid others for fear of not being liked.
- He has or does not live up to the level demanded by his narcissism.
- Although it may not be perceived, the vulnerable narcissist is in a permanent state of performance anxiety.
Vulnerable narcissists lacked positive attention, recognition, and love at a young age, so their primary need for balanced self-esteem was thwarted. Therefore, it has a great inferiority complex and anxiety derived from the fear of failure, they feel small and insignificant, and all their presumptuous attitudes serve precisely to erase and compensate for that state.
Neuroticism and social anxiety
Compared to typical narcissists, vulnerable ones tend to be more likely to experience negative emotions. This form of narcissism is correlated with dissatisfaction, depression, anxiety and paranoia. Additionally, it is associated with and sensitivity to rejection.
It is very likely that the vulnerable narcissist worry excessively about your appearance, your career prospects, savings, relationship status, etc. Therefore, you will criticize people for feeling safe in social situations as a defense against your own social discomfort.
introversion
A vulnerable narcissist tends to be shy, embarrassed and anxious with a fragile self-esteem that is affected and regulated by the reactions of others. Although he knows that he has a more introverted personality, he is equally convinced that he is better. He does not apply to himself the same rules that he applies to others and your status is your absolute priority.
Victimism and need for care
How to recognize a vulnerable narcissist? tends to state that no one is worse than him and fears situations in which he may feel embarrassed, as opposed to arrogant, shameless, and carefree in all social interaction.
A covert narcissist needs the attention and approval of others. You feel great anguish when you are not the center of attentionbut even more so when he is rejected, hurt or ignored.
Selfishness
Someone with a vulnerable narcissistic personality, never give up in a relationship, making it difficult for him to maintain personal relationships. By requiring a lot of attention, they make it difficult to maintain relationships: never give in to a relationship, just take it! In fact, he is more concerned with receiving than with what he can offer.
You could make more money than everyone in the family, but still live in a miserable one-bedroom apartment or claim a parent’s life savings. If you decide to offer something, it’s probably because you believe it will benefit you in the long run.
Relationships of convenience
A vulnerable narcissist may have many friends and a wide social circle, but is unable to maintain close personal relationshipsromantic or professional due to their self-centered nature.
In fact, he surrounds himself with friendships and relationships at different stages of his life only for his personal benefit. If he no longer benefits from a relationship, or it does not feed his self-esteem, he tends to break it off and find someone else who can give him the adoration he seeks.
Jealousy
How does a vulnerable narcissist behave in a relationship? He/she can be very jealous and, in turn, is a risk factor for abusive behavior. In fact, he experiences a lot of anxiety in relationships, since is very sensitive to separation signals and experiences more intense anguish in case of abandonment. Discover what the .
Vulnerable narcissists tend to undermine their partner’s success, ahmake you feel guilty about your achievements or to underestimate or hide their emotion and devalue themselves.
External locus of control
How to detect a vulnerable narcissist? They rarely accept responsibility for their actions. They always attribute blame to external factors such as other people or circumstances. They may accept responsibility for actions and blame only when they are in trouble, but even in these cases, the vulnerable tend not to feel remorse or guilt.
If you want to better understand this factor, don’t miss this article on what is .
Lack of empathy
The vulnerable narcissist is unable to identify or acknowledge having hurt someone’s feelings, as well as causing problems in a group setting due to gaps in self-awareness. On the contrary, he cares so much about himself that he cannot care for the emotions of others. You often need others to calm your negative emotions.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to What is a vulnerable narcissist and how to identify themwe recommend that you enter our category.
Bibliography
- Grimaldi, P. (2019). Social anxiety. Clinic and therapy in an integrated cognitive perspective. Milan: Franco Angeli.
- Wery von Limont (2018). The secret life of the soul. Milan: Mondadori.