There are more and more technological means through which we can communicate and this makes it fertile ground for infidelities. One of the big problems that have arisen with the boom of technology are virtual infidelities and the worst thing is that they constitute a very difficult field to define. The distance that the screen generates for us is very ambiguous and then it is difficult for us to determine if it is just a game or something beyond such as an act of infidelity.
They are difficult and confusing topics, so it is normal for you to ask yourself: What is virtual infidelity? What defines it? Why is it so dangerous? What types of virtual infidelities exist? How can we deal with virtual infidelity? In Psychology-Online we will dedicate this article to explain what is the virtual infidelity, its types and how to deal with it.
What is virtual infidelity
We speak of cybernetic or virtual infidelity when a person outside the relationship, in a hidden way and without the consent of the other member, becomes the object of the sexual or amorous desire of one of the members of the couple and yesand maintains a relationship with this new person or different encounters through the cyber world. On many occasions, they start out as a harmless game and end up being much more than that. It is important to emphasize that these types of encounters do not necessarily take place on a physical level and often only remain in the virtual realm, but that does not make the connection any less powerful. What’s more, there could even be a relationship between two people who never meet or have a sexual encounter.
Virtual infidelity, a serious problem
The truth is that technology is updated every second and it is now possible to make messages, audios, videos and photographs sent disappear without leaving traces. Applications are updated faster and faster and then it is also possible to send anything without leaving a trace, which is good in terms of security, but it has also opened new possibilities for the secret.
Why do we talk about infidelity if lovers, sometimes, never meet and their entire romance remains virtual? First it is important to put the issue of virtual infidelities in context. We talk about this type of infidelity because they are an increasingly common problemwhich is also located in a hybrid terrain that fills us with ambiguities and it is difficult for us to define clearly.
The infidelity is in the fact that the fidelity agreement established implicitly or explicitly by the couple is broken, there is dishonesty on the part of one of the members and typical behaviors of the unfaithful act also occur; How to start hiding and concealing these types of events that are known to be not incorrect because they are outside of what was agreed upon and therefore if the other discovered what was shared through the network, they would most likely be greatly disappointed or end the relationship.
Characteristics of virtual infidelity
Let’s look at the characteristics and consequences of virtual infidelity:
- Ambiguity. It has been quite complex to determine that we are talking about infidelity when the romance or affair is generated in a virtual terrain, which leaves it ambiguous and unclear if it is constituted as a reality or not.
- It may seem “not real”. In fact, in this type of adventures, when they are discovered the justification is precisely that it is a fictitious game that is not real, there has not been a connection, nor physical contact, nor will there be.
- More important than it seems. But it is true that the screen is increasingly part of our daily lives and connects us much more than we could imagine and this is how very strong connections are established at the bond level, especially today, which can lead to a person to feel a special connection with another or to live different experiences in the sexual field.
- The feelings are the same as in physical infidelity. There are also studies that corroborate that virtual romances can generate the same type of thoughts and emotions that are generated in any relationship that is established and this occurs because virtual relationships also include the establishment of secrecy and fantasy, they are experienced different emotions such as joy, anger, rage and sadness, you can experience enthusiasm, experience frustrations, you can more easily idealize the other and feel in love with them. This shows us that connections with others go beyond the physical, although we have all experienced and confirmed that with the entire pandemic and confinement.
Consequences of virtual infidelity
What damage can be generated from this type of infidelity? Let’s look at the consequences of virtual infidelity for the person who cheated and for the partner:
- Treason: He who is deceived and discovers this type of infidelity, whether with a love or sexual infidelity through the cyber world, feels strongly betrayed and damaged by his partner.
- Breakdown of trust: Trust is broken and a fracture is generated in the relationship that often ends in separations.
- Idealization: the person who is unfaithful through networks can idealize the person with whom they have a new connection, they can experience that their reality is more monotonous and boring than their new virtual connection and, sometimes, what begins as a game apparently harmless ends up breaking the relationship for both parties.
Types of virtual infidelity
Virtual infidelities can occur in different types, depending on the dynamics established between the person and what each person is looking for, but they can always end in different ways. Here we show you some types of dynamics that could be generated:
1. Virtual sexual connection with an unknown person
There are connections that occur between strangers that are only generated by a search for excitement and an exchange of photographs, videos or different material is generated. Many times, this type of contact is established through search platforms in which both people search for the same thing. It is presented as a type of pornography specifically dedicated to someone in particular and where the bond established with the other is only physical and just looking for excitement.
Generally, this type of encounter only remains on the cybernetic level and if a physical encounter occurs, they maintain the same tone of being something purely physical.
2. Virtual sexual connection with a known person
There are also connections that occur between acquaintances, where sexual infidelity occurs. In this type of cybernetic sexual encounters, many possibilities open up in the sexual field, depending on how far the imagination and the game between the virtual lovers go, they can occur, from exchanges of photographs, videos, sexting, role playing, exchange of fantasies. , etc.
It could involve something emotional in the short or long term, depending on the dynamics that are generated after the sexual encounter.
3. Romantic infidelities
They have more to do with a special bond that occurs with another, that can start as something friendly sharing their secrets, telling them their things, dreams, projects, desires, etc., but that at some point turns to love and they begin to treat each other lovingly, have dreams, plans and fantasies together. You can even feel emotions for the other. It may or may not be linked to sexuality and there may or may not be real encounters.
In the following article, you can see more information about the .
How to deal with virtual infidelity
Virtual infidelity, like all infidelity, could cause significant damage to both the couple and the person who has been deceived and also generate considerable consequences in the relationship. This will always depend on what happened, how things happened, the context in which they occurred, the level at which they occurred and, above all, what this means for the couple. What constitutes deception is defined by each person in particular according to their beliefs, values and the way they see a relationship: what they expect from it and what each of the members of the couple should do or how they should be. This is something we rarely talk about or are aware of. For this reason, these types of situations can help us re-evaluate what we want and what we don’t and make it clear by establishing clear limits, either in this relationship or in subsequent ones. What to do if my partner has a virtual relationship?
1. Identify if there is infidelity
It is important to be clear if the other person is really being unfaithful. The traits that can give signs of possible infidelity are: if the other person has distanced himself, if he spends a lot of time on the phone or computer and looks for discreet places to check it, if he puts his cell phone on silent or airplane mode when he is in our presence, If you get nervous when receiving calls or messages, if you lock yourself in the bathroom or go out every time you want to talk or write, if there are notable changes in your behavior, way of dressing, etc… In this article we explain.
2. Evaluate the type of infidelity
The second step to deal with virtual infidelity is to evaluate the type of infidelity and the level of involvement:
- What happened?
- How did it happen?
- At what level?
- What type of virtual infidelity was there?
- Who is the other person?: an acquaintance, a stranger…
3. Evaluate how I feel
Evaluate how the particular situation affects me:
- Why do I think it happened?
- How does this situation affect me personally?
- How do I mean it?
- What bothers me the most?
- What doesn’t bother me?
- What is it that hurts me?
- What makes the situation seem like infidelity to me?
- What is infidelity for me?
4. Communicate
If you are sure about what happened, about what you feel, confront the situation and see what response you get. Show what the situation generates in you, what you feel, how it affects you and how you interpret the situation. Carry out a damage assessment together. Evaluate what limits were crossed, honestly communicate what each of you feels, without invalidating the other. Evaluate the couple codes that have been broken, what really happened and what damage this situation causes you. Analyze the seriousness of the matter and decide what you want to do after what happened.
5. Evaluate what to do
Evaluate whether or not what happened virtually constitutes a deception for you and what you want to do with it. Without a doubt, any type of infidelity is painful and difficult to cope with, but, although we cannot see it so clearly at the moment, it is an important opportunity to rethink some things…
If the couple wants to move forward in the relationship, it is very important to be honest and clear to explain what is behind what happened: talking about the reasons why this type of encounter occurred and the reasons why it was sustained, can shed light. of the latent needs behind the couple. About the things not said and what would need to be done to use this event as a fertilizer that makes the relationship stronger than before.