Communication is so important that it can make or break a relationship, it is critical to success and instantly reflects self-esteem to listeners. Assertive communication requires respect, projects confidence and inspires influence. It is a respectful, direct, honest, open, non-threatening and non-defensive communication style. He is not demanding, aggressive or manipulative.
Communication is learned and with practice you can learn to communicate assertively, which will raise your self-esteem, self-confidence and improve your relationships and professional performance. In this Psychology-Online article, we explain with examples the types of assertive communicationas well as the importance of assertive communication both in the family and at work
Types of communication according to psychology
There are 4 main types of communication that we show you below.
Passive communication
It is a style in which individuals have developed a pattern to avoid expressing their opinions or feelings, protect your rights and identify and meet your needs. Passive communication usually arises from low self-esteem. These individuals believe: “I’m not worth taking care of.”
As a result, passive people do not respond openly to painful or anger-inducing situations. Instead, they allow complaints and annoyances to accumulate, usually without realizing that accumulation. But once they have reached their tolerance threshold for unacceptable behavior, usually high, are prone to explosive bursts, which are usually disproportionate to the triggering incident. However, after the outburst, they feel shame, guilt and confusion, so they become passive again.
The impact of a passive communication pattern is that these people often:
- They feel anxious because life seems out of their control
- They feel depressed because they feel stuck and hopeless.
- They feel resentful (but are not aware of it) because their needs are not being met
- They feel confused because they ignore their own feelings
- They are unable to mature because the real problems are never addressed, they often have emotional problems.
Aggressive communication
It is a style in which individuals express their feelings and opinions and advocate for their needs in a way that violates the rights of others. Therefore, aggressive communicators are verbally and/or physically abusive. Aggressive communication stems from low self-esteem (often caused by past physical and/or emotional abuse), unhealed emotional wounds, and feelings of helplessness.
The impact of an aggressive communication pattern is that a person with aggressive communication tends to:
- Trigger fear and hatred in others
- They always blame others instead of owning their problems and are therefore unable to mature.
Passive-aggressive communication
It is a style in which individuals appear passive on the surface, but in reality they are acting out anger in a subtle way or indirect.
People who develop a passive-aggressive communication pattern typically feel helpless, stuck, and resentful – in other words, they feel unable to directly deal with the reason for their resentments. Instead, they express their anger by subtly undermining the object (real or imagined) of their resentments. They smile at you as they set traps around you.
The impact of a passive-aggressive communication pattern is that:
- They distance themselves from those around them
- They remain trapped in a position of helplessness
They vent resentment while the real problems are never addressed, so they cannot mature.
Assertive communication
Compared to these types of communication, assertive communication is a style in which people clearly express their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of others. These individuals value themselves, their time, and their emotional and physical needs. They also have a high level of.
The impact of an assertive communication pattern is often:
- Create a respectful environment for others to grow and mature
- Feel connected with others
- They feel they are in control of their lives
- Are capable of maturing because they address issues and problems as they arise
If you want to enhance this type of communication, we recommend reading , which includes easy and successful techniques to gain trust and the respect you deserve.
Characteristics of communication types
The passive communicators often:
- They do not impose themselves
- Allowing others to deliberately or inadvertently infringe your rights
- They do not express their feelings, needs or opinions
- They tend to speak in a low voice or apologize
- They show poor eye contact and a slouched body posture
The aggressive communicators often:
- They try to dominate others
- They use humiliation to control others
- They criticize, blame, or attack others
- They are very impulsive
- They have a low tolerance for frustration
- They speak loudly, demanding and authoritarian
- They act in a threatening manner
- They don’t listen well
- They interrupt frequently
- They have a piercing eye contact and an authoritarian stance
The passive-aggressive communicators often:
- They murmur to themselves instead of confronting the person or problem
- They have difficulty recognizing their anger
- They use facial expressions that do not match their feelings, i.e. smiling when they are angry
- They use sarcasm
- They deny the existence of problems
- They appear cooperative while purposely doing things to annoy and disturb
- They use subtle blackmail to get revenge
The assertive communicators:
- Express needs, feelings and desires in a clear, appropriate and respectful manner
- Communicate respect for others
- They listen well without any type of total interruption
- They feel in control of themselves
- They have good eye contact
- They speak in a calm and clear tone of voice
- They have a relaxed body posture
- They feel competent
- They do not allow others to abuse or manipulate them
Discover more here.
Examples of assertive communication
In order to give a correct example of assertive communication, we are going to imagine an imaginary situation in which a dialogue is established.
Let’s say for example that our partner has not done the laundry even though we have repeated it several times. How would we solve it from the assertive communication?
- If we get angry, yell at our partner and let ourselves get carried away by anger, we will be communicating in a way aggressive
- If we don’t say anything out of fear and let this happen again, our communication it will be more passive.
- On the other hand, if we do not say anything but intend to hurt him with our silence, we will be using a passive-aggressive communication style.
- Finally, if we communicate how we feel and tell him the importance of teamwork, we will be using assertive communication. To put an example of dialoguewe could say the following:
“Look, I would like you to do the laundry and I see that you have not done it all week, this saddens me because to maintain a clean coexistence we must work as a team, I understand that you are very busy but I would be very happy if you made this effort“
Assertive communication at work
A healthy communication stylelike assertive, plays an important role in making your workplace not only effective but also a pleasant place to be, since we spend so much of our time at work.
Being a good communicator can help you build trust, help resolve differences and create an environment of respect that promotes problem solving and builds relationships. In other words, it is important to communicate in a way that allows you to clearly assert your needs and desires, while still considering the rights and needs of others. Using the can help you follow these dynamics:
- Communicate your ideas, concerns and wishes.
- Try to be more clear about what awaits you.
- Take control of your workload.
- Earn the respect of others.
- Try to keep your needs and desires satisfied.
- Ask what you want.
- Say no when appropriate
Assertive communication in the family
Nobody is born assertive. Rather, it is a skill that must be learned and cultivated. Assertiveness is a skill worth learning because it helps us communicate more effectively and minimize the number of stressful situations we have to deal with in life.
It is important that we use this type of communication in all areas of our life and fundamentally in the family, which is our vital nucleus. It is essential that family communication is effective and it is essential because it is where we learn from a young age how to communicate.
We can use the following strategies in situations that require, and a good time to practicing them is as a family:
- First, stop. Interrupt the initial impulse of anger so you can think of a more helpful response.
- Regroup. Breathe deeply and use a task or something that is relaxing for you. Take a ‘time out’ if necessary – minutes, hours, days – whatever it takes. Don’t respond until you’re calmer. Once you are calm, try to identify the things that triggered your anger so you can defuse it. Anger will distort rather than clarify the appropriate response.
- Communicate. Respond to the person who made you angry. Do it in a calm manner that shows that you will defend yourself if necessary, but that you will not go out of your way to attack unnecessarily. If possible and appropriate, talk about how what was said affected you. Talk about your feelings – how it has affected you, rather than making accusations. Talking about your own experience is unlikely to make the person you’re talking to defensive, and is more likely to convey your message clearly.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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