Surely you have ever thought about how many true friends you have, how many people you are capable of really loving, why today you like a person and tomorrow you even feel like you hate them. She sounds familiar to you, right? In the following article we will talk about those factors that intervene in the first instance when it comes to feeling attracted to others and that will surely answer some of these questions.
Introduction
Although the article focuses on those factors that intervene in interpersonal attraction, we would like to reflect on the bond, since it is related and reflects the importance of feeling loved, accepted and being part of “something.” The following video, the result of research by Dr. Tronick, clearly illustrates the importance of “the gaze of the other” in our psyche since we are so little.
What do you think? It is clear that we are emotional and social beings and that we need each other. Hence the importance of delving into those factors that are fundamental when it comes to feeling attracted to someone, friends or a partner. So without further ado, let’s see what the studies tell us about these factors.
Different aspects
Attraction is a phenomenon based on the action of bringing to oneself someone who, due to a series of cultural, psychological and biological factors, one likes. The reasons for liking vary depending on different nuances, and even the levels of love have their variations. In ancient Greece, for example, they called the love of friends “phileos,” sexual love “eros,” and selfless, altruistic or platonic love “agape.”
Defining love or attraction can be very complicated, even more so if we wanted to measure the amount of that love or attraction. The most accurate way to do this is to ask the person or people involved directly. Social psychology has attempted to promulgate some explanatory theory about attraction between people. One of the representative theories is the one that bases attraction on the gratifications that one person obtains from another, that is, we are attracted to people whose behavior gratifies us in some way, or also to those people who we associate with events that are gratifying for us. . Normally this type of gratification usually involves balanced reciprocity, where what we receive in a relationship is directly proportional to what we give.
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We are attracted to people whose behavior gratifies us in some way.
It is very important that the members involved in a relationship of attraction or love perceive that the mutual contributions are balanced, that the costs-benefits are compensated. And to do this, it is very important that from the beginning we can express what we understand as a demonstration of affection, what we dislike, what we expect and, very important, know the same about the other person. Only then do we begin to establish a common language where “mind readings and intentions” are minimal.
Notice, in relationships that are friendly, equity is continually present: “I invite you to the beer (chelitas) today, and you tomorrow.” But in couple relationships, normally, this relationship of equity is rather long-term, there can be long periods of receiving little and giving a lot.
Most valued features
Currently we find a lot of scientific literature regarding the variables involved. However, we would like to summarize the most important points found in one and, above all, very complete. This research was carried out by the Full Professor of the University of Valencia, Gemma Pons-Salvador and the Graduate in Psychology and Specialist in Sexology, Carolina Muñoz Martínez. In it we see how at first it is physical attractiveness that plays a fundamental role, this is because it is related to the idea of reproducing with a healthy person. We obtain the main information from the symmetry of the body and especially the face. But, this physical attractiveness is modulated by culture, there are predominant traits according to the prevailing social beauty model. It is enough for us to think about what that model is in our society. Isn’t it the same one from the 60s, for example? Surely a thin girl at that time would be starving and therefore not physically attractive, we can also go to , where women go to obesity centers to be able to gain kilos before getting married, since this indicates a high social status.
In general terms, the most valued characteristics according to the previous study were: a healthy appearance, with socially accepted values, a personality adapted to life as a couple and with a cultural level similar to their own. Of course, with slight variations. Subjects without a stable partner give more importance to physical attractiveness and beauty, and subjects who perceive themselves as very attractive value the physical attractiveness of others more.
Biopsychosocial factors involved
Attraction at a more general level, on the other hand, takes more into account factors such as proximity, similarity, reciprocity, other socially valued characteristics, and although to a lesser extent, physical characteristics, which we will discuss in more detail below.
Physical characteristics
The physical characteristics of the people we perceive are especially important in the first encounters, or when the first contact is superficial. When we meet strangers, the first process that occurs is to decide whether or not said person is of any interest to us. If she doesn’t have it, she will be ignored. It is the process of cognitive ignorance.
proximity, similarity, reciprocity are other important characteristics of attraction at a more general level
Some explanations of why a pleasant physique is attractive are:
- a) That we tend to infer that there are characteristics or qualities associated with personality and with a certain consistency, for example “What is beautiful is good.” This phenomenon is explained by Asch in his work on las. Sometimes, attractiveness is associated with negative characteristics, for example, that very attractive women are vain and materialistic.
- b) The , a name coined by the American psychologist Edward Lee Thorndike, explains the cognitive bias by which the perception of a particular trait is influenced by the perception of previous traits in a sequence of interpretations. Thus, if we like a person we tend to rate them with favorable characteristics even if we do not have much information about that person.
- b) That when we associate with an attractive person, our public image is favored.
Proximity
This sounds a lot like “eyes that don’t see, heart that doesn’t feel”, or “they say distance is oblivion…” And it has its logic. There are elements that, from the outset, favor us meeting people with whom we have more affinity, these are the social and institutional factors and the personal characteristics that each of us has. That is to say, it will be very likely that two people who love painting will meet in a museum.
Some of the ways that physical proximity influences attraction are:
- a) In that generally the people who are closest to us physically are more accessible
- b) In which dealing with strangers, according to our society, can be inappropriate, or even dangerous.
- c) In which proximity can increase familiarity and, in turn, this can increase attraction. This effect is known as the “principle of familiarity” in social psychology and was named by Zajón as ““: The repeated perception of a stimulus that is initially neutral or positive (not negative), leads to greater attraction toward the stimulus.
Proximity does not always positively influence attraction (the effect of mere exposure does not occur if the stimulus is negative).
Likeness
It is very common that the more similar you are to people, the greater your attraction. We will feel more attracted to each other, if there is similarity in terms of ethnic, geographical origin, religion, cultural level, social class and age, they tend to feel attracted to each other.
Social psychology has put a lot of focus on two of its dimensions: attitudinal similarity and personality similarity. As for the first, he showed in , the important impact that having similar attitudes had on attraction. The theory of cognitive consistency explains that being similar to someone and not feeling attracted to that person is a relationship of imbalance, taking into account that there is only balance if someone is similar and we like it, or when they are different and we don’t like it. There are exceptions, for example, when another person is similar but has some additional negative characteristic or is of lower status, or when the difference is more reinforcing than the similarity, such as when we interact with people with a different attitude since we have in mind to learn things. new.
As for the second, the results are less consistent due to the inconspicuous nature of the personality characteristic in question. However, as a general rule, when the personality dimension is clearly manifested, similarity produces greater attraction than difference, at least in the case of the following characteristics: sexual orientation or role, type A behavior, depression, search for sensations and cognitive style.
Reciprocity
For this factor, interaction is fundamental. The mere fact that reciprocity occurs will be decisive for the development of relationships.
Surely it has happened to you, when a woman (or man) responds positively to you, you tend to feel attracted to that person. (It is not exclusive to romantic relationships, it also appears in friendships and professional relationships).
These studies provide us with interesting data but they will always have to be contextualized to the individual in particular.
Another example could be when we are informed that “someone likes us or dislikes us”, when we meet that someone what they have told us will influence us, we will be more affectionate or distant, depending on the case. Then, our behavior would influence and we would end up liking or not liking that stranger.
This can be explained by reinforcement mechanisms: the fact that someone has a bad image of us is not rewarded, or by theories of cognitive consistency: that someone likes me and that someone dislikes me is a situation of imbalance.
Other socially valued personal characteristics
In a survey of 100 university students in which the 5 most valued out of 555 traits had to be rated, Anderson found that the five most valued traits were being sincere, honest, understanding, loyal and trustworthy, and the least valued were being …