In the world of love and couples there are no recipes. Despite this, clinical psychology, social psychology and the different orientations that address couples therapy have thoroughly investigated and studied the different types of love and bond, the usual phases through which relationships go and the various factors that influence relationships. On the other hand, art and philosophy have been addressing love and heartbreak since time immemorial. The couple is a privileged source of well-being, as well as suffering, so it is not surprising that so much effort has been dedicated to unraveling what makes us happy or unhappy in our relationships.
As an example, the psychologist Joan Garriga in his book “Good love in a couple” refers to Arnaud Desjardins, disciple of the Hindu wise man Swami Prajnanpad, who in his book A happy life, a happy love explains what, from his point of view, are the five conditions for well-being in the couple.
- To be easy, let it flow without having to put in too much effort. Let things be comfortable and it is not necessary to waste large amounts of energy facing or fighting emotions. When this condition is present, a comfort that is not routine occurs, in which there are no dramas or tragedies, only well-being.
- Let it be about two natures not too incompatible, not too different. May the understanding of the other not be beyond our capabilities. The compatibility of any couple rests on the difference, but when the difference is excessive, other fundamental issues for compatibility are at risk, such as the possibility of association, imbrication and complicity.
- That the members of the couple are true companions, that they feel as such, accompanied, since the other is also a friend and friendship does not wear out over the years. That they can share their peculiarities, tastes, interests, differences, complicities. That they have someone they understand and who understands them.
- Let it be had full faith and trust in each other. That it is not necessary to fear, distrust or protect yourself in order to find an innocent heart again. May the other inspire us with complete trust on which a true love, susceptible to growth, can be founded. May we have the conviction that the other is not going to harm us.
- He spontaneous desire for the other to be well, which means, the desire for goodness above our fears and shortcomings. This last condition is, if possible, the most difficult to meet.