People are “social” beings, in the sense that we spend most of our lives with other people. Therefore, it is important to learn to understand others and function appropriately in social situations. Certain communication skills help us improve interpersonal relationships. Communication is the act by which an individual establishes contact with another that allows him or her to transmit information.
Therefore, it is important to learn to communicate optimally, positively and clearly. In this Psychology-Online article we are going to discover which are the best techniques for effective communication and that will help you establish much more positive and error-free bridges of understanding.
6 elements for effective communication
Effective communication between two people occurs when the receiver interprets the message in the sense intended by the sender.
- Issuer: The person (or persons) who issues a message.
- Receiver: The person (or people) who receives the message.
- Message: Content of the information that is sent.
- Channel: Medium through which the message is sent.
- Code: Signs and rules used to send the message.
- Context: Situation in which communication occurs.
In this other article we discover the .
Types of communication: verbal and non-verbal
The forms of human communication They can be grouped into two broad categories: verbal communication and non-verbal communication:
- Verbal communication refers to words that we already use the inflections of our voice (tone of voice).
- Non-verbal communication refers to a large number of channels, among which the most important could be the eye contactthe gestures facialsthe movements of arms and hands or posture and body distance.
Verbal communication:
- Words (what we say)
- tone of our voice
Non-verbal communication:
- Eye contact
- (facial expressions)
- Arm and hand movements
- Posture and body distance
Despite the importance that we usually attribute to verbal communication, among 65% and 80% of the total of our communication with others is done through non-verbal channels. To communicate effectively, verbal and non-verbal messages must match each other. Many difficulties in communication occur when our words contradict our non-verbal behavior. Example:
- A son gives his father a gift for his birthday and his father, with a disappointed expression, says: “Thank you, it’s just what I wanted.”
- A boy meets his best friend on the street and, when he greets him, the other greets him back with a cold, dry “hello” and looks away.
Effective and efficient communication techniques: active listening
But let’s get into the matter and discover what the techniques are for effective communication. We all know and could cite in theory what the basic principles are to achieve correct communication, but, perhaps because it sounds like a truism, we frequently forget about them. Some of the strategies that we can use are as simple as the following.
active listening
One of the most important and difficult principles of the entire communication process is the know how to listen. The lack of communication that we suffer today is largely due to not knowing how to listen to others. One spends more time focusing on one’s own emissions, and in this need to communicate one loses the essence of communication, that is, putting in common, sharing with others.
There is a mistaken belief that it is heard automatically, but this is not the case. Listening requires a greater effort than what is made when speaking and also what is exerted when listening without interpreting what is heard. But what really is active listening?
Active listening means listen and understand communication from the point of view of the speaker. What is the difference between hearing and listening? There are big differences. Hearing is simply perceive sound vibrations. While listening is understanding, comprehending or giving meaning to what is heard. Effective listening necessarily has to be active rather than passive.
Active listening refers to the ability to hear not only what the person is directly expressing, but also the feelings, ideas or thoughts that underlie what is being said. To understand someone, you also need a certain empathy, that is, knowing how to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
Elements that facilitate active listening
- Psychological disposition: prepare internally to listen. Observe the other: identify the content of what he says, the objectives and feelings.
- Express to the other that you are listening to them with verbal communication (I see, umm, uh, etc.) and non-verbal communication (eye contact, gestures, body tilt, etc.).
Elements to avoid in active listening
- Don’t get distracted, because getting distracted is easy at certain times. The attention curve starts at a very high point, decreases as the message continues, and rises again towards the end of the message. Try to combat this tendency by making a special effort towards the middle of the message so that our attention does not wane.
- Do not interrupt the speaker.
- Not judge.
- Do not offer premature help or solutions.
- Do not reject what the other person is feeling, for example: “don’t worry, that’s nothing.”
- Don’t tell “your story” when the other person needs to talk to you.
- Do not counterargue. For example: the other says “I feel bad” and you respond “and so do I.”
- Avoid the “expert syndrome”: you already have the answers to the other person’s problem, before they have even told you half of it.
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Active listening skills
As we have seen previously, active listening is an essential pillar to be able to correctly develop our communication skills. This is defined as the ability to not understand at all levels what they are telling us.
Communication techniques: elements of active listening
- Show empathy: Actively listening to the emotions of others is trying to “get under their skin” and understand their motives. It is listening to their feelings and letting them know that “we take charge”, trying to understand what that person feels. It’s not about showing joy, it’s even about being nice. Simply, we are able to put ourselves in their place. However, it does not mean accepting or agreeing with the other’s position. To demonstrate that attitude, we will use phrases like: “I understand what you feel”, “I notice that…”.
- Paraphrase. This concept means verifying or saying in one’s own words what it seems the speaker has just said. It is very important in the listening process since it helps to understand what the other is saying and allows you to verify if you are really understanding and not misunderstanding what is being said. An example of paraphrasing could be: “So, as I see, what was happening was that…”, “Do you mean that you felt…?”
- Issue words of reinforcement or compliments. They can be defined as verbalizations that flatter the other person or reinforce their speech by conveying that one approves, agrees, or understands what has just been said. Some examples of this communication technique would be: “This is very funny“; “I love talking to you” either “You must be very good at playing tennis“. Other types of less direct phrases also serve to convey interest in the conversation: “Good”, “umm” or “Great!”.
- Resume: Through this communication skill, we inform the other person of our level of understanding or the need for further clarification.
Communication skills and their techniques
But, in addition to active listening, there are other techniques for effective communication. Here we discover some examples and communication skills that will help you achieve good listening and understanding.
Communication techniques: skills
- Avoid labels. When criticizing another person, talk about what he does, not what he is. Labels do not help the person change, but rather they reinforce the person’s defenses. Talking about what a person is would be: “you have forgotten to take out the trash again. You are a disaster”; while talking about what you do would be: “you’ve forgotten to take out the trash again. You’ve been forgetting a lot about things lately.”
- Discuss topics one at a timenot “take advantage” of what is being discussed, for example about the partner’s tardiness, to reproach him in the process for being absent-minded, forgetful and not affectionate.
- Do not accumulate negative emotions without communicating them, as they would produce an outburst that would lead to destructive hostility.
- Don’t talk about the past. Recalling old advantages, or bringing up the “dirty laundry” of the past, not only does not contribute anything useful, but it awakens bad feelings. The past should only be brought up constructively, to use it as a model when it has been good and we try to re-initiate positive behaviors that may have been somewhat forgotten. But it is evident that the past cannot be changed; Therefore, energies must be directed to the present and the future.
- Be specific. Being specific, concrete, precise, is one of the techniques for effective communication. After a specific communication, there are changes; It is a concrete way to move forward. When it is nonspecific, nothing is rarely mobilized. If, for example, we feel lonely and want more time to be with our partner, don’t just say something like this: “You don’t pay attention to me”, “I feel lonely”, “You’re always busy”. Although such a formulation expresses a feeling, if we do not make a specific proposal, things will probably not change. It would be appropriate to add something else. For example: “What do you think if we both commit to leaving everything we have on our hands at 9 pm, so we can have dinner together and talk?”
- Avoid generalizations. The terms “always” and “never” are rarely true and tend to form labels. It is different to say: “lately I see you somewhat absent” than “you are always in the clouds.” To be fair and honest, to reach agreements, to produce changes, expressions such as: “Most of the time”, “Sometimes”, “Sometimes”, “Frequently” are more effective. They are forms of expression that allow others to feel correctly valued.
- Be brief. Repeating the same thing several times with different words, or excessively lengthening the statement, is not pleasant for the listener. It produces the feeling of being treated like someone with little intelligence or like a child. In any case, he runs the risk of being shunned as annoying when he starts to speak. We must remember that: “The good, if brief, is twice as good.”
The importance of non-verbal communication
To take care of it we will take the following into account:
- Non-verbal communication must go in accordance with the verbal . Saying “you know I love you” with an annoyed face will leave the other person worse than if nothing had been said.
- Eye contact. It is the percentage of time you are looking into the other person’s eyes. Eye contact…