In life, there are moments when we have to start over, we must close circles, let go of the past and prepare to look forward, no matter how much it hurts. Julio Cortázar said “Nothing is lost if you have the courage to proclaim that everything is lost and you have to start over.”
In fact, this process of letting go of the past in order to cling to the future often creates a kind of emotional vertigo. This is due to the fact that we identify the past with the safe and known path that we leave behind us and we perceive the future as an emptiness ahead of us, an uncertain bet, a jump into the void without a parachute. For this reason, if we want to move forward with a firm step and without regrets, it is essential to take the time we need to heal the wounds and rebuild ourselves emotionally. Haste has never been a good adviser.
Emotional wounds cause profound changes that we must accept
On many occasions we are tempted to violate the times. Sometimes when we feel bad and suffer, all we want is to take that pain away from us. We despair and rush to look ahead. It’s understandable. But it is not positive.
In other cases it is the people around us who push us. Perhaps with the best of intentions, they encourage us to move on and take the next step or even brand us as “weak” because we can’t get up fast enough. However, when we are not ready, taking that step can hurt us even more.
To look to the future again with confidence, it is essential to be patient and wait for emotional wounds to heal. That doesn’t mean wallowing in pain, but taking small steps, at our own pace and without rushing too much.
Time is essential to recover from the emotional blowsover time we manage to find meaning in what has happened to us, we accept the past and turn the page.
In fact, traumas often cause a psychological earthquake, so we need time to rebuild ourselves, to look inside ourselves and realize that we are no longer the same, that something has changed. After great emotional shocks we can become blocked and we need time to rediscover ourselves, to understand, accept and even learn to live with that new person we have become.
Time to think, time to learn
On the other hand, time is essential to learn from the mistakes we have made. If we get out of one traumatic partner relationshipfor example, and we jump into someone else’s arms immediately, we won’t have had enough time to understand where we went wrong.
In fact, that’s one of the reasons why people often find themselves in relationships that never come to fruition. They have not given themselves time to grow. Time allows us to assume an emotional distance from the trauma, so we can evaluate our behavior and decisions more objectively and with a position of detachment. As a result, we are able to take our share of responsibility and grow.
On the contrary, if we rush, we run the risk of making the same mistakes, of hitting the same stone over and over again. Unfortunately, many people still believe that “one nail drives the other”, so they go through life so fast that their own speed dazes them. Although sometimes all we need is to stop to put together the broken pieces and gain strength.
How do you know when you are ready to start over?
Each person is different and each trauma or injury is also different. Being prepared to move on takes time and there is no single rule, you must learn to connect with your interior and listen to the signals that your “I” sends you. However, in a general sense, a person is ready to move on when they meet at least two of the following conditions:
- The pain has eased. Looking back you realize that although the wound is there, it no longer stings. In fact, it is likely that you will begin to remember more of the positive aspects than the ones that hurt you.
- You have learned. By analyzing what happened, you manage to make sense of it and understand where you went wrong. You assume the experience and it enriches you as a person.
- You can joke about what happened. When you are able to laugh at what has happened, it means that you have overcome the trauma, that you have stripped the situation of its initial drama.
In any case, don’t be afraid to take a step back if you’ve moved too fast. Sometimes you may think you’re ready to move on, but you really aren’t. Then it is better to withdraw to gain strength and heal completely.
Every new beginning is worth it, but you must make sure that you can face this new stage with greater maturity and security.
Via: Psychology Corner
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