Anyone who has ever experienced gym class at school knows the anxiety of being the last one to be chosen on the team. The same hurt feelings surface when you are excluded from lunch with your coworkers, when you can’t get the job you interviewed for, or if your partner leaves you. The fear of being rejected is a powerful emotion that many people have experienced at least once in their lives.
Psychology has always maintained that rejection is one of humanity’s greatest fears. We are biologically driven to feel a need to belong and we get nervous when we risk being misjudged. Precisely for this reason, fear of judgment and social phobia are so widespread among the population. In this Psychology-Online article, we will see What is social rejection, its causes, its symptoms and some tips to overcome it.
What is social rejection
The need for acceptance and belonging to a social group, as well as the need to feel safe within interpersonal relationships, are essential characteristics that unite all human beings and motivate the behaviors that each of us performs daily.
Social rejection occurs when a person is deliberately excluded of a relationship or of social interaction, rejected by individuals or by an entire group. Although we are social beings, feeling a certain level of rejection is an inevitable part of life, however, it can become a problem when it is prolonged or constantwhen the relationship is important or when the individual is very sensitive to rejection.
What causes social rejection
Social rejection can have negative effects, especially when it results in social isolation. Discover what the main symptoms of social rejection are:
- Loneliness.
- Low self-esteem.
- Aggressiveness.
- Depression.
- Feelings of unsafety.
- Greater sensitivity to future rejection.
Types of social rejection
There are several types of social rejection that we will see below:
- Asset: like the phenomenon of bullying, where mockery or ridicule happens.
- Passive: like deliberately ignoring a person (“silent treatment”).
It is important to note that the experience of social rejection is subjective and can also be perceived when it is not actually present. If you need more information about the causes of social rejection, we recommend this article on
Causes of social rejection
Psychology has always been interested in the phenomenon of social rejection and has investigated the causes of this. ancient fear. Nowadays, belonging to a group means identifying with common values, sharing interests, following rules and behaviors in line with the group’s ideology. Almost every we can choose whether or not we belong to a groupa fact that affects our chances of survival.
Let’s think about our ancestors. If one of our descendants had been separated from his tribe, he would hardly have survived long. Our brain has developed mechanisms that alert us to possible threats, such as being expelled from the group was a danger at that time.
Our descendants correctly read the social situations they found themselves in and They modified their behavior to overcome social rejection and be accepted within their tribe. Thanks to this ability they survived. Thus, the fear of social rejection has deep roots and has been transmitted to us evolutionarily by our ancestors.
Consequences of social rejection
Social rejection can be extremely painful, as it can make people feel as if they are not loved, appreciated, or accepted. Most people experience social rejection at some point in their lives. In the long term, social rejection can have psychological consequences durable. Let’s see what the effects of social rejection are:
- Trauma: Long-term social rejection causes extreme feelings and can have serious psychological consequences. For example, children who constantly feel rejected by their parents may have difficulty succeeding in school or relating to their peers. Some individuals develop a chronic fear of rejection, due to multiple traumatic experiences.
- Depression: Rejection has been linked to the development of depression in adolescents, however, other people who experience rejection can go on to develop it. Additionally, bullying can have numerous negative effects, such as depression, stress, eating disorders, and self-harming behavior. In this article you will see.
- Pain response: The brain responds to social pain in a similar way to the way it responds to physical pain. The same brain pathways activated by physical pain are also activated by social rejection. Receptor systems in the brain release natural pain relievers (opioids) when a person experiences social pain, just as they do when experiencing physical pain.
- Anxiety and stress: Social rejection can often contribute to or lead to pre-existing conditions, such as stress and anxiety. Likewise, these and other mental health conditions can exacerbate feelings of rejection.
- Abuse: One study found that, among male members, the perpetration of abuse in intimate relationships is associated with traumatic experiences of social rejection.
How to overcome social rejection
Often, those who fear being rejected have attitudes that, in the long term, prove to be dysfunctional. These behaviors are attempts, more or less covert, to hide their fear of social rejection. Below we show you some examples of these cases:
- Avoid new situations.
- Try to please everyone.
- Behaving in a passive-aggressive manner.
What to do when faced with social rejection
Rejection is part of social relationships, but when we open ourselves to the possibility of being rejected, we are accepting to feel emotions such as pain, disappointment, loss, fear, anger and loneliness. In this way, we learn from our experiences, but above all we learn that Rejection is not the end of our lives.
By becoming more confident in our ability to manage any emotions that arise from relationships with other people, we can build deeper relationships and enjoy them in a more relaxed and rewarding way. We can finally take off the mask we put on to please everyone, we can finally allow ourselves to be ourselves.
If you want more information about how to overcome social rejection, we recommend this article on .
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Marcheselli, E. (2020). The social rifiuto: perché è a form of violence. Retrieved from: https://www.paginemediche.it/medici-online/elisa-marcheselli/blog/il-rifiuto-sociale-perche-e-una-forma-di-violenza
- Polo, A. (2020). Paura di essere rifiutati: where you are born and how to overcome it. Retrieved from: https://www.psicoterapiascientifica.it/paura-del-rifiuto/