The couple relationship represents the transcendence of sexuality towards an interactional dimension, essentially social, where the encounter with the other takes place and emotional and erotic bonds are established through physical and spiritual communication. (Castellanos and González, 2003).
It could be said that it is in the relationship where sexuality is expressed in its fullest form. As Viktor E. Frankl states “human sexuality is more than mere sexuality. And it is to the extent that it is the expression of a loving relationship.” (1983, p.27). In this Online Psychology study we are going to discover the close relationship that exists between the relationships and sexuality.
The importance of sexuality in the couple
Referring to this particular type of relationship that is structured within the framework of sexuality, Patricia Arés expresses that “it constitutes the most complex interpersonal bond of the human being. A multiplicity of personal, sociological and interactive factors influence its stability, solidity and satisfaction. ” (2002, p. 49).
Without a doubt, this It is the most intimate of human relationships, of high selectivity and personological involvement, where the subjects involved in this type of union demand from each other the satisfaction of mutual needs for approximation, communication, dedication, identification, sexual and emotional-psychological attraction. Although socially conditioned, its form of expression is totally unique and unrepeatable in each link.
Authors such as R. Sternberg have oriented their research towards the topic of love, this one in 1986. As can be seen, the love model presented by the author has a descriptive, predictive and diagnostic capacity.
In attempts to explain the emergence and maintenance of a relationship of couple Sternberg (Cited in Serrano and Carreño, 1993) presents an outline of a general theory about love. In an attempt to cover both the structural aspects and their dynamics, he points out three fundamental components: Intimacy (I), Passion (P) and Decision-Commitment (C) that, following a geometric metaphor, would occupy the vertices of a supposed triangle.
The area of the triangle will indicate the amount of love felt by a subject; Its geometric shape, given by the interrelationships of the elements, would express the balance or level of load of each of the components. In this way, love relationships will be defined by both the intensity and the balance of the elements. The love triangles will vary in size and shape and both aspects will define how much and how a person feels towards another. (Rodríguez and Barragán, 1989; Serrano and Carreño, 1993). In this way, every love relationship is fostered and structured or can become dysfunctional depending on the combination of these components.
Maintain a good relationship
The Spanish author Luis García Vega adds two other elements to this subjective configuration of love, affection and interest, The first, different from passion, is the emotional experience that makes the subject dependent and the second refers to the interests of each member regarding the professional level and status socioeconomic of the other, although in the author’s own words “we could talk about the pentagon of love, but without closing ourselves to another possible figure with more angles, due to the great complexity of this feeling.” (1999, p.20).
Several investigations have been carried out based on the theory formulated by Sternberg, or in an attempt to enrich it, as is the case of a study carried out in Spain with 412 people with the objective of investigating the temporal course of these components over a period of time. couple relationship, as a result of the global analysis of the components, the existence of three fundamental phases in the evolution of love is pointed out: “falling in love”, “passionate love” and “companion love”. (Yela, 1997.)
exist seven essential aspects that Álvarez -Gayou (2006) suggests must be considered to maintain a good relationship, and they are: physical attraction, intellectual attraction, emotional attraction, communication, empathy, respect and updating, but above all, the existence of a satisfactory erotic life.
In this sense, a study carried out by Álvarez-Gayou, Honold and Millán in 2005 with the objective of knowing the component elements of the psychological meaning that Mexican men and women attribute to sexual satisfaction, showed that love and communication seem to be equally relevant for both genders, which tells us about the importance that the participants give to the emotional aspect in the sexual relationship.
The importance given, in both genders, to different emotional aspects linked to the affection, affection and tenderness, the physical aspects of erotic pleasure and orgasm being of less weight.
Couples problems
Many of the problems in love and sexual relationships have their first origin in ignorance and false beliefs that cause disappointments, frustrations and disappointments. If people in general or couples learn and recognize that the intensity of the different love components tends, in general, to fluctuate in a certain way throughout the love relationship, perhaps there will not be so many unfulfilled expectations, nor will people live with great regret and disappointment which are absolutely normal and natural processes such as the progressive deterioration of the passion felt in the first months or years.
In this sense, and agreeing with authors such as Álvarez-Gayou (2006), García Vega (1999), Rodríguez and Barragán (1989), we consider it vitally important to know that every relationship goes through a series of stages, it changes, it goes forming, evolving, maturing.
Stages of love and relationships
The Cuban researcher Lourdes Fernández Rius (2006) proposes a series of stages from the initial moment in which the union begins to take shape. The Encounter-Attraction occurs when the initial unexpected, violent, unreflective crush occurs. It is a process of seduction and emotional awakening that generates a strong eroticism and leads to feeling the desire and need to see and be with the other person. that has been found in a spontaneous mutual search for physical proximity.
- The Selection of the other In the loving bond, it occurs when after that initial encounter and depending on the system of needs and motives, the person moves towards recognition and identification with the other, the mutual expectations and ideals with respect to the other and the relationship in general intersect, which It leads to the ratification or decision to choose the other to form the loving bond.
- He Fall in love It occurs when an excessive, urgent and impatient impulsivity is “experienced” towards meeting and fusion with the other, where sexuality is very intense. In this stage, the subjects look for each other as unique, unmistakable and irreplaceable people, the expectations and idealization of the other mutually increase, ignoring the defects, the love life is conceived only as a provider of satisfaction.
- The next stage is called From falling in love to love, It occurs when the ambivalences and natural contradictions of this very complex type of interpersonal relationship arise. The high idealization of the other begins to decline when one or both subjects feel that their needs cannot be satisfied in the relationship, disappointments and frustration appear in the face of the expectations created, differences, imperfections and criticisms flourish, experiencing intense moments of disappointment. and a lot of aggressiveness, experiencing fusion as a threat, the relevance of continuing life as a couple is questioned. A crisis is thus triggered that does not necessarily imply the dissolution of the bond as the only path, but rather this moment can become a developmental resource by virtue of which the couple restructures its own functioning.
In this regard, Fromm said “falling in love is, by its very nature, little durable. The two people get to know each other well, their intimacy loses more and more of its miraculous character, until their antagonism, their disappointments, their mutual boredom, end up killing what may remain of the initial excitement. (1979, p.6).
As a conclusion to this part, we would like to clarify that the evolution in stages of each relationship will depend on a numerous set of biological, historical-cultural, sociological, demographic, interpersonal, and psychological variables that make each couple unique and unrepeatable, so The path they take may vary from one to another, thus, there are those who begin with love and then cultivate passion.
In this way, the passage from one stage to another of the love bond will fundamentally depend on the maturity and personological resources that interacting subjectivities have.
Psychological intimacy
In the process of configuring the relationship and the transition from falling in love to love and in the consolidation of the latter, Psychological intimacy It is one of the vital elements.
In this sense, the prominent Cuban researcher points out that “psychological intimacy points towards that possibility that the subject has, based on his personality, to reveal his deepest feelings and thoughts and that the other with whom he relates also shares the same. his. It is a requirement for the development of deep affections and a lasting bond” (p.149).
In this way, intimacy involves capacity for openness, authenticity by sharing and expressing responsibly, through emotional communication, our internal world to the other person.
We return to Sternberg (1986) when he points out that Intimacy is a foundation of love that is difficult to achieve, that develops slowly, and that once it begins to assert itself, it causes a certain fear and emotional discomfort regarding the dangers that one begins to feel regarding one’s existence as an independent and autonomous person. The result is a relentless balance between intimacy and autonomy that continues throughout the lives of many couples, a balance in which a completely stable balance is never achieved. (Cited in Yela, C., 1996).
We then have a crucial axis of conflict in the love bond, the independence-intimacy relationship. This leads us to reaffirm the conception of the love bond not as something static or as if it were about achieving a goal, but as a process that is in constant mobility, where the interacting subjects are responsible for always searching for that point of balance where At the same time as contributing to creating this common intersubjective space, one’s own identity is maintained.
Psychological intimacy requires psychological maturitysufficient self-knowledge and a favorable self-esteem that guarantees a certain self-confidence to maintain personal identity in the face of exposing oneself to the other, the ability to decenter to understand the other from their perspective and thus achieve mutual understanding.
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