According to INE data, in 2011, 7.4% of families were reconstituted. More and more couples are separating after years of relationship and forming a new family with a new partner and the sons or daughters of their previous relationships. This change may mean that problems arise between members of the new family. The most common difficulties and challenges to overcome range from changes in organization and routines, to jealousy. That is why in this Psychology-Online article we want to talk to you about the most common problems in the stepfamily and solutions suitable for each of them.
A reconstituted family either blended family is that formed by a couple in which at least one of the members brings a son or daughter from a previous relationship.
For a reconstituted family to occur, it is necessary that a breakup of a previous family occurs, either due to separation or the death of one of the members of the couple.
In reconstituted families, new roles appear, such as stepmother, stepfather, stepsister, stepbrother or “half-brother” (when the new couple has children in common).
There are different types of reconstituted families.
- Widowed mother or father. In this type of family, the father or mother is left in charge of the sons or daughters when their partner dies and begins a new relationship.
- Separated mother or father. The father or mother brings sons or daughters to the new relationship after the separation of both parents.
- complex family. Both members of the new couple bring sons or daughters into their new relationship.
- With common children. In this type of family, in addition to providing children from previous relationships, the new couple has common children. It would be a reconstituted family with a new child.
Relationships between members of a stepfamily are not usually easy. However, it has some advantages over the traditional or single-parent family.
Advantages
- The family economy It is usually better than if the family is single-parent. Although the stepfather or stepmother has no obligation to take care of the stepchildren, the fact that both members of the couple contribute to household expenses is beneficial.
- New supports. If the relationship between the new partner of the father or mother and the children is good, complicity arises between them.
- Company and teamwork. The members of the new couple feel more accompanied and the burden of raising children alone decreases. Whether by consulting opinions or distributing tasks, tasks and responsibilities become more bearable.
- Increased tolerance and respect. In general, when living with new people, more tolerance and respect for others develops.
- Maturity. All members of the new family develop their maturity to adapt to a new situation in which complications in living together can and do arise, especially at the beginning.
- Development of social skills. Here you can see what they are with practical examples.
But not everything is positive in reconstituted families.
Disadvantages
- Jealousy. The good relationship between stepfather or stepmother and stepson usually provokes jealousy in children.
- Rebellion against a new authority. Some boys and girls do not accept that their parent’s new partner gives them orders or decides about their lives. This usually becomes more complicated in adolescence. Here you will find the.
- Divided life. If the parents share custody, the children live in two houses with everything that entails: two routines, two systems of rules, two celebrations, etc. This situation can be exhausting.
- Problems with the ex-partner. It is not easy to reach agreements with the ex-partner about the education and care of the children and if we add children from the new couple it becomes more complicated which can create conflicts. In this article you will find more information to manage the situation correctly with ex-partners when there are children in common: .
- Adaptation. Adapting to the new family is usually difficult, especially for boys and girls.
These days we find many types of families and there are more and more reconstituted families, especially due to the increase in divorce. The concept is not new, but previously the most common was that of a widowed mother or father and now it is that of a divorced mother or father. In fact, this type of family is increasing so much that soon it could be the most common, surpassing the traditional family.
But is it easy to live together in a reconstituted family? We are going to see the problems that can arise in these joints, as well as the possible solutions to make it work as well as possible.
Children’s rejection of the new couple
That children reject their parent’s new partner and do not accept him or her as a member of the family is one of the most frequent problems in reconstituted families.
The solution is to understand that the new couple has a new role in the reconstituted family, that of stepmother or stepfather, therefore, should not try to replace the father or mother of the stepchildren. Here we talk more about .
Bad relationship with ex-partner
So that this is not a problem, it is advisable that contact with the ex-partner focus solely on issues related to their common sons or daughters. Correct dialogue and assertive communication contribute to a better understanding. If this is not possible, working with a professional can help resolve differences and make the best decisions for the children. In this article you can read more about .
New rules of coexistence
In complex families, in which each member of the new couple brings children to the reconstituted family, previous rules of coexistence may differ and create conflicts.
Solution: Establishing a new system that takes into account the previous rules of coexistence, as well as new common ones, can facilitate adaptation. Is about reach agreements in which everyone gives up something to adjust to a new coexistence.
Address changes
Change of residence of the stepchildren to the residence of their parent’s new partner. In this situation, especially if the new couple brings their own sons or daughters, the new cohabitants may feel displaced or out of place.
Solution: establish own spaces if it were possible for each of the children. If you need to share a room, create similar separate spaces within the same room.
Jealousy between stepsiblings
The education, privileges and attention towards different children and stepchildren may differ. If this happens, it is very likely that jealousy will appear between them.
Solution: in the new family an agreement must be reached in which the members enjoy similar privileges and education as far as possible. This is not usually easy to adapt, especially when the children are older. But the couple’s attention to each of the children and stepchildren must be a couple so that no one feels excluded. It is good to encourage the realization of family leisure activities and better if they are new activities for everyone. This strengthens ties and creates new memories and anecdotes for the new family.