In 2006, the American Psychological Association (APA) published one in the area of conflicts with repercussions on a social scale, such as the attacks of September 11, 2001 and acts of mass violence.
In the document, titled “Forgiveness: A Sampling of Research Results”the APA defines forgiveness as a process (or the result of a process) that involves a change in emotions and attitudes toward an offender. The outcome of the process is described as a decrease in motivation to retaliate or distance oneself from an offender despite his or her actions, and requires let go of negative emotions that are experienced towards him.
Forgiveness is an independent process that should not be confused with excuse, condone, pardon neither forget. According to the APA, all of these are, at the same time, individual processes that involve another type of awareness and do not lead to the same results. Thus:
- Excuse involves making the decision not to hold a person or group responsible for an action.
- Condone It assumes that we do not see the action as negative or inappropriate and that we do not consider it necessary to forgive its author.
- Pardon It is equivalent to absolving a person of the crimes for which he had been convicted, and corresponds only to a representative social figure.
- Forget It is to remove the offense from the thought.
Forgiveness should be seen by the person granting it as a self-directed favor that grants internal benefits, not external ones.
Forgiveness has been, like conflict, a fundamental process in the evolutionary history of the human being, as well as a topic of critical attention, not always from a scientific level, but from reflection and conscious analysis.
Despite this, it has only been a matter of a decade of in-depth and systematic study of the factors that influence the consolidation of forgiveness and its benefits for those who grant it. As a result, today it is possible to know for sure what forgiveness grants to the victims of an offense:
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- An improvement in physical and mental health.
- A restoration of the sense of personal empowerment.
- A clear and healthy possibility of reconciliation between the offended and the offender.
- A sense of hope for the resolution of a conflict.
- A positive change in the emotional scheme.
Four keys to the path to forgiveness
The obsession with forgiveness is as unhealthy as the obsession with revenge. Forgiveness takes time
Of course, forgiveness is not only an essential internal process to get rid of negative emotions and reinforce good mental health, it is also a steep path whose journey can involve years of resentment and the desire to retaliate against an offender.
Psychology’s emphasis on research in recent years about the bases of forgiveness has, however, led to some key data to promote openness to forgiveness and make the process more solid.
Below are four aspects derived from scientific research to improve the willingness to forgive and learn to heal the wounds of the past.
Forgiveness is for the one who grants it, not for the one who receives it.
A common burden that makes forgiveness difficult is that people assume that forgiving means minimizing the seriousness of the offense, downplaying their suffering, or allowing the person who hurt them to get away with it.
Psychologist Frederic Luskin, director of the project focused on studying people who have been affected by international political conflicts, explains that forgiveness should be seen by the person granting it as a self-directed favor that provides internal benefits, not external ones.
Forgive, because the wound we suffered could have been caused by us in other circumstances
Forgiveness from empathy, according to the psychologist, whose career in the study of forgiveness is extensive and notable, explains that a practice that encourages and facilitates forgiving is the exercise of putting ourselves in the other person’s place, that is, the person who forgives us. hurt
When we decide to put empathy into practice, we are able to open ourselves to the possible feelings or conflicts that our offender was going through at the time of committing their actions.
An effective technique for this is the empty chair exercise, which consists of sitting in front of an empty chair and emptying ourselves emotionally as if the person who offended us were sitting there. The process includes questioning that person about what they did and, later, changing places and taking their chair to answer our own questions.
The exercise is designed to awaken feelings of empathy or even pity towards the offender, which reduces discomfort and negative emotions.
Forgiveness takes (and should take) time
The obsession with forgiveness is as unhealthy as the obsession with revenge. Forgiveness, says Luskin, takes time and one must be fully aware of this to avoid putting pressure on oneself and ““Let the wounds heal and the mind recover from the trauma.”
When it comes to high-impact conflicts, psychotherapy is essential to help people assimilate what happened and support the process of forgiveness, which does not have to involve a process of reconciliation with the offender, but rather personal liberation.
Fountain: