We are all familiar with what gender violence is, understood as the mistreatment of a man towards a woman, but there is a type of violence that constitutes a silenced reality that is talked about very little and that is the mistreatment that men receive. by women. Men face many obstacles, since when it comes to reporting they do not have access to the same resources that women have, they are not taken into account in the same way and their reality is often underestimated. Which is also why many men prefer not to talk about what happened when faced with this type of case.
This is a serious and little-discussed topic and it is very important to take it with the seriousness it deserves, for this reason, in this Psychology-Online article, we will talk about Psychological abuse of men, what are its causes, symptoms, consequences and how can you get out of it?.
What is abuse of men called?
When we talk about gender violence, the first thing we think is that a man is attacking a woman and this is because at least in Spain, by law, the term is used exclusively for female victims. Attacked men fall into the category of , which is a different category and carries a lesser penalty.
Why does this differentiation occur? First it is important to clarify that violence is defined as: a behavior that causes physical or psychological harm to another being and may be of type; physical, psychological or emotional. Psychological and sexual abuse are included here. In this article we talk about the different ones.
In case of domestic violence directed towards men It is usually more of the type of , and in this sense the damage is not as palpable and visible as the previous one.
“When we talk about psychological abuse, we refer to any physical or verbal behavior, active or passive, that attacks the emotional integrity of the victim in a continuous and systematic process in order to produce intimidation, devaluation, feelings of guilt or suffering. (McAllister, 2000; Villavicencio and Sebastián, 1999).
This fact is not minor and the biggest problem is that we still do not know the impact that psychological damage can have on us and many times we even normalize behaviors that are not entirely right, because we have suffered them in our childhood. By this I mean that there is not much knowledge of what psychological damage is, the attitudes that make it up, its consequences and what should be done about it in a situation like this.
Causes of psychological abuse of men
There are different reasons that can explain why a man could suffer and remain in a dynamic of abuse. Different reasons appear as to why he does not leave his wife:
- Learned helplessness, a theory proposed in 1974 by Selligman who states that when organisms are subjected to uncontrollable situations they show a series of motivational, cognitive, physiological and emotional deficits. When abuse occurs in a couple, behind the abuse there is a deep psychological wear and tear and the victim learns to live in fear believing that it will be impossible for them to produce a change. Here you can see more about the .
- Stockholm syndromeAs a result of a dissociative state, the victim denies the violent phase of the aggressor, while overvaluing his friendly side, underestimating his needs and becoming hyper-reactive to the needs of the aggressor. In this article we talk in depth about.
- For fear of leaving their children with an irresponsible and abusive woman, adopts an overprotective attitude.
- For fear of losing their children. The man is at a disadvantage in legal terms in obtaining custody and many times when there is psychological aggression the woman tends to manipulate the children.
- Shame to assume what happened before the world, fear of ridicule or what they will say.
- Lack of support from family, friends or authorities.
- Denial. There may be a tendency to deny what is happening or minimize the facts.
Symptoms of psychological abuse in men
It can be very difficult to identify abusive behaviors and unfortunately fall into camouflaged or normalized abuse. That is why we are going to explain to you below, in detail, what are typical symptoms of psychological or emotional abuse, so that you can identify, recognize and take care of it in time.
Therefore, the symptoms of psychological abuse in men are:
- Devaluation: here we find ridicule, disqualifications, trivializations, oppositions and contempt.
- Hostility: types of hostile behavior would be reproaches, insults and threats.
- Indifference: lack of empathy and support, monopolization…
- Intimidation: judging, criticizing and correcting, threatening postures and gestures, destructive behaviors…
- Imposition of conduct: orders, deviations, abusive insistence, invasions of privacy, sabotage…
- Blame: accusations, denial…
- Apparent goodness: manipulation of reality.
In addition to the above, it would be good to classify some symptoms of abuse as these two types:
- Covert abuse mechanisms: where we could find disqualifications, denials, projections, accusations, denying abuse, negatively connoting, threats of physical or emotional abandonment, abandoning physically or emotionally.
- Overt abuse mechanisms: shouting, contempt, insults, bad words, orders, criticism, bad mood, denying and withholding affection, ignoring, isolating the victim from family and friends, monitoring the other’s time, restricting the other’s resources, throwing objects, hitting, slamming doors, etc.
Consequences of psychological abuse in men
Psychological abuse is extremely harmful, since we do not see its effects until some time later, when it has already caused us significant damage. Some of the consequences that can be triggered by psychological or emotional abuse are:
- Anxiety and stress
- Depression
- Feelings of guilt
- Low self-esteem
- Irritability
- Feeling of emptiness and feelings of loneliness
- Sleep disturbances
- Aggressiveness
- Difficulties in interpersonal relationships
- Retreat
- Somatization
The most important is .
How to get out of abuse as a man
This point is key once a man has identified that he is being a victim of abuse, it is most likely that he will connect with many emotions and with the feeling of confusion and not knowing what measures to take, what to do, who to turn to or how to get out. of that situation of abuse.
- Keep calm. The first thing we advise you is to stay calm and I know that this is a lot to ask, because generally the person who has reached this point is already very overwhelmed and affected. But it is important that you take a deep breath, think about things as coolly as possible and avoid being impulsive or acting in response to aggression so that you will not regret it later.
- Leave the place. When you feel that the environment becomes very aggressive and that you can get hooked on violence and respond in the same way, take a deep breath and try to leave that place and rejoin when you have calmed down.
- Stop having contact. To get out of the situation of abuse it is necessary to break with the dynamic that is generated with the abuser and for that it is necessary to stop having contact, at least in an initial phase and that is not an easy task since many things are involved that do that the person who is the victim of this situation remains there and perpetuates the situation of abuse.
- Ask for help. The most advisable thing is that you ask for help. To this end, the Spanish government, together with the Ministry of Equality, provides a telephone advisory and help service to attacked people. If you feel confused, lost and don’t know what to do, you can call and tell them what’s happening to you so you can clear up your doubts and know what you can do next. You can call 016contact by WhatsApp at 600 000 016 or write to email 016-online@igualdad.gob.es.
- Talk to a trusted person. Try to tell a trusted friend or family member about what is happening to you and, if you do not perceive that possibility as viable, contact a therapist or psychiatrist so that you have someone to vent to and who can help you think things through coldly, make the best decisions, to get the tools you need to leave that situation or to identify what is holding you back in that dynamic.
How to help an abused man
The person being attacked is so invaded by their emotions and trapped by them that it will probably be difficult for them to take control of the matter. If you are an outsider and you are seeing that your friend, family member or acquaintance is suffering psychological, physical or emotional abuse, we recommend the following to help you.
- Contact the municipal help service.
- Ask legal advice with a lawyer expert in abuse of men, who will advise you and clarify your doubts in practical terms and in a realistic way
- Contact a psychologist or psychiatrist who is an expert in abusewho will serve to help, contain, clearly identify the problem and the things that keep it there, provide the necessary tools to get out of there, request help for the affected person if necessary, may issue a subsequent report that records the psychological damage generated. so far and will help you overcome the situation.
- Listen to him and contain him. Avoid passing judgment or reproach. The last thing an abused person needs is any other situation that makes them feel abused or exposed. What he needs most is love, containment, unconditional support and someone to help him organize his thoughts to act and get out of his situation.
In this article we talk about.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Psychological abuse of men: causes, symptoms, consequences and how to get outwe recommend that you enter our category.
Bibliography
- Blasquez M. Moreno J. García-Bahamonte M. (2010) Theoretical review of psychological abuse in marital violence. Psychology and health. Vol 20: Mexico
- Hundek L. (2010). Domestic violence between men and abused women in the city of Barranquilla. American Thought Magazine: Colombia
- Ministry of Equality, Government of Spain. Care for victims of gender violence.