When someone says that a person is selfish, we do not hesitate to think that it is something negative, it means that that person pays too much attention to their own desires, needs and well-being while not taking others into account. Selfish behaviors are described as immoral, a good person thinks of others first. According to some experts, selfish behavior is not only immoral but also negative for one’s well-being, according to the Chinese proverb “if you want to be happy in your life, help someone.”
However, in self-help literature they present another opinion about thinking about oneself first, introducing self-care, which refers to the importance of prioritizing one’s physical health and psychological well-being through good eating habits, exercise, sleep, relaxation and activities. of leisure. In this Psychology-Online article, we explain the Positive and negative egoism: definition and examples.
Negative and unhealthy selfishness
Negative selfishness would be that which is bad for both the selfish person and the exploited victim. It is a unilateral transaction in which the selfish person tries to get something he wants from another person. In this sense we could think that it is good for the selfish person because he gets what he wants, but this is not the case either because there can be long-term negative consequences that exceed the temporary gains for him as well.
Acting in this way can have very negative consequences in the long term. If someone takes advantage of other people, it is likely that they will not help them or collaborate voluntarily with them in the future. They may even seek revenge at some point. Furthermore, someone who acquires a reputation for emotional manipulator You can be avoided or pushed aside by others and end up alone. Staying isolated is not good because we all need a support network made up of people who love and respect us.
Positive or healthy selfishness: definition
Positive selfishness is that which benefits both the selfish person and other people. In this case, selfishness is a two sided transaction, an exchange in which two people voluntarily part with something to obtain something else they value. Since both people gain something they want, it can be called a win-win transaction.
But bilateral transactions involve much more than economic exchanges of objects and services. For example, every time we do something with another person or other people because we enjoy doing it together and not so much alone, it is also a two-sided transaction.
Negative and positive selfishness: examples
negative selfishness
- Some examples of negative selfishness would be theft, fraud or the use of violence to take from others what they want, among others. Emotional manipulation would be another example, the selfish person pressures another person to do something that the other does not want to do by making them feel guilty if they do not do it through threats, isolation or any other way. In this way, the selfish person gets what he wants.
positive selfishness
- The clearest example of a two-sided transaction is a simple exchange. I give someone something that they really like and they give me something that I value, it can be music, movies, clothes, etc. This way we both feel like we are winning in the exchange.
- Watching a movie with a friend, where glances, laughter, conversations are exchanged… Going to concerts, sporting events, to the beach…
These are examples of positive selfishness as long as all the people involved in those plans obtain something of value for themselves in that activity, in this way they are good interactions for all parties.
Neutral selfishness in psychology: self-care
“If we don’t worry about ourselves first, we won’t be well enough to help and care for others.”
Neutral selfishness would be one that includes self-care without directly involving other people. It would be in line with what is proposed by self-help literature: “How can I help others if I don’t first take care of my own health, whether physical or mental?”
Taking care of ourselves is part of the practices of , neutral selfishness puts us in a better position to do things that can help others. So these acts of self-care could be neutral selfish acts because they do not immediately help or harm others. The time I use for self-care cannot be used to help other people, but at the same time it also allows me to be in better conditions to help others at other times.
An example would be any self-care behavior: comb your hair, brush your teeth, etc. It can also be going for a run alone, yoga… It is any activity that promotes the person’s well-being.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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