Have you ever felt like your thoughts are suffocating you? It is important that we know that on many occasions what we think is not real. It doesn’t mean that you are inventing information that doesn’t exist, it means that you are distorting it.
But where does this come from? Is it bad to feel anxious? The answer is no. We have to go back to prehistory to know that anxiety is not a concept of the contemporary world.
Probably no one imagines a ‘CROMAÑON’ feeling anxious before facing a lion, but the truth is that yes, this happened. It is normal for anxiety to appear at a ‘critical’ moment, however it becomes negative when we find it in situations that are not risky. Our mind tends to continue thinking that we are in constant danger, as if we were still men from prehistory, causing us to be on alert in everyday situations.
Surely on more than one occasion you have been told “what movies you make” and you have been offended, but many times it is true, we conspire so much about the future, we distort the information we have so much that we generate a parallel reality. The worst thing is that we believe it.
How does our brain work?
To explain how our brain works, I am going to expose the Rational Emotive Theory of Albert Ellis, a psychologist who revealed the mechanism of thoughts and emotions through the ABC model.
A, corresponds to the situation, to the context. C to emotions. We usually think that when something happens (A) it immediately translates into an emotion (C). For example, our boss asks us to stay at work until 9pm on Friday (A), it seems obvious that the emotion will be negative, anger, anger, rage… (C). But as you can imagine, there is a B in between, which is thought.
Continuing with the same example, (A) our boss asks us to stay at work until 9 p.m. on Friday, (B) we think what a fool he has, that these are not working hours, he doesn’t respect me, he tells me because he knows I’m the office idiot, they ignore me in this company. (C) The emotions that all these thoughts generate are negative and unpleasant.
But I propose that you try to change that thought (B). Do you think it is possible to change our emotion (C)? Let’s try again, our boss asks us to stay to work until 9 p.m. on Friday (A), we think it’s a pain to work until that time on a Friday, but we also know that our boss trusts our work and that’s why we He has asked for it, he knows that we are responsible and we will move forward, he trusts our judgment. Does the C change anything? I’m not saying that all emotions are positive, but we certainly won’t feel useless even if it bothers us to work at those hours.
I’ll give you another example, I’m walking down the street wearing my new set of clothes and I see a group of people looking at me and it seems like they’re whispering something about me (A), I think that since I was able to buy that set, I already knew It didn’t suit me at all, I’m scared, I’m sure I look fat in these clothes and these guys have realized from afar (B) the emotion that this thought generates is devastating (C). However, let’s turn it around B, it’s clear that I look gorgeous, I feel powerful with him and these guys have noticed. Obviously the emotion that this thought generates in us is much more rewarding.
How do I know if what I’m thinking is irrational?
The most common irrational or distorted thoughts are:
- Overgeneralization: Drawing a general rule or conclusion based on details and applying to both similar and different situations. Example: I have failed an exam (A) I am an idiot, studying is not my thing, I will surely never be able to get my degree (B).
- Polarized or dichotomous thinking: consists of classifying all experiences into one or two opposite categories, selecting the extremes without taking into account intermediate degrees. Example: black or white, smart or stupid, ugly or handsome.
- Mind reading: believing that we know what the other person is thinking. Example: It is clear that he is thinking that I am not very smart, I can see it in his eyes.
- Emotional reasoning: thinking that something must be real because it feels like it is. Example: I am super angry with my partner, I know I am right because I feel a lot of anger.
- Selective abstraction: conceptualizing an experience based solely on one detail, ignoring the context and leaving out other, more relevant information. Example: I’m sure my in-laws don’t like me, because when they invited me to their house for lunch today they had pineapple for dessert, which they know I don’t like.
What can I do to stop these thoughts?
Challenge them, the first thing is to stop and question them. Is what I think reasonable? Am I basing this on reality? What is the probability of this happening? What evidence do I have to support this thought? And that they don’t support him? What would I say to my best friend if he were in this same situation?
It is important to reflect on whether there is an objective and more useful way of looking at the situation. On most occasions we look for evidence that confirms what we think, but what about the evidence that denies it? It is important to play devil’s advocate with our own thoughts.
As you will see, it is a complicated task, the first thing is to know that this exists, but knowing this does not finish the job. Now we have to put it into practice. My recommendation is that you go to a mental health professional to help you identify what your irrational thoughts are and change them.
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