What is it to be a narcissist? How do narcissistic people behave with their partner? Narcissistic people in love do not tolerate frustration, that is, they will not be able to accept the absences of the loved object. For example, you will not tolerate when you do not answer the phone, when you are not available at the time you want and at the time you want, you will not be able to withstand the frustration of your partner doing things without him or her. For all this, it can be difficult to maintain a healthy and happy relationship with a person with these traits.
In this article we talk about the narcissistic personality in the couple through 16 keys so you can identify it. Is your partner narcissistic?
He wants you to be what he or she wants
A person with a narcissistic personality wants his or her partner to be exactly what he or she wants. A person with narcissism, for example, He will not tolerate his partner having different tastes. to their own, very different beliefs or opinions.
Always wants your attention
One of the main traits of a narcissistic partner is that can’t stand the absence of the loved object (leaving your messages unseen or not answering the phone when you call).
In this article we talk about.
He is jealous of everything
A narcissistic person will not tolerate the attention of the loved object being concentrated on another person (it happens in little siblings that they do not like to share mother’s attention, in sexual partners they cannot tolerate living with friends).
Generally these people begin to create conflicts (often invented, for example: I think that friend of yours doesn’t like me, I think that your family doesn’t like me) with people who may be a threat and are making the person aware. partner about how pathological the relationship is. They ask you to choose between your partner and friends.
In this article we explain.
He wants to control everything
He will try to have control of every situation and aspect of relationships (schedules, friendships, tastes, ideals). A narcissistic partner presents attitudes of jealousy and constant control as check social media and phoneask for or steal passwords from social networks and telephone, secretly follow the partner to know where they are going, ask third parties to keep them informed about what the other is doing when they are not present, ban friendships…
For example, at the slightest displeasure and even if it seems irrelevant to the couple, the narcissist will suggest that they talk because they have many things to resolve. He may even write notes about what he will ask for in the next conversation – which makes him feel that he has the control-.
Does not tolerate rejection
The narcissistic subject does not tolerate discontinuity, the “no”, he does not tolerate that something he wants is denied to him. Someone with a narcissistic personality will not tolerate refusals, such as not accepting them on a date for example.
Why doesn’t the narcissist tolerate rejection? Biologically it is impossible for there to be no discontinuity. Not all of the child’s demands can be satisfied, however, there are parents who reward in advance or at the slightest complaint. they fulfill the son’s wish.
How does a narcissist react to rejection? The reaction of a rejection by a narcissist is generally experienced with great anguish. When great frustration and discomfort is generated, they look for any way to relieve the sensations. Some of the most common ways a narcissist reacts to rejection could be the following:
- Shows symptoms of distress: irritability, feelings of guilt, catastrophic thoughts, lack of hope, emptiness in the chest, difficulty breathing, increased respiratory rate, motor restlessness, difficulty concentrating.
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- Changes in the eating behavior.
- Alteration of the cycle sleep-wake.
- Sometimes they react very anger and aggression immediately upon rejection. In this article we talk about the.
- Frequently there is a addiction that contributes to the relief of their distress symptoms (when they feel frustrated they seek to relieve their discomfort with alcohol, recreational substances, opiates, sex, gambling…).
- Some may manifest symptoms similar to that of a panic attack: palpitations, pounding of the heart or increased heart rate, sweating, feeling of suffocation and dizziness, nausea or abdominal discomfort, pain in the chest, feeling of heat, paresthesias (tingling sensation), derealization (feeling of unreality or of being alive a dream), depersonalization, fear of losing control…
- easy cryingIt can even become loud and desperate crying.
- They insist that they be pleased with what they want, if they do not achieve it by demand, they try it by means of abnegation (victimization).
In this article we explain.
He wants to know everything about you
He will not tolerate the partner having a private and/or personal life, proposing most of the time that he tell him everything he does and not keep secrets from him (even romanticizing the situation, saying that love is about sharing everything that he does). it does).
Manipulate to get what he wants
In a narcissistic couple, constant manipulation is observed. Generally, narcissistic people They present themselves as victims, from saying that he feels very sad when he is not with him to saying that he will commit suicide if they leave him. In this article we talk about.
have any addiction
Frequently these people have some type of addiction that they flatly deny or carefully hide (alcohol, sex, pornography, games). In this article we talk about the different ones.
They have unrealistic thoughts about him or her
Narcissistic people tend to have omnipotence, magical, superstitious, lax and disintegrated thoughts. This often makes them appear as paranoid people, saying that others are conspiring against them. For example, they say “I feel that if the sky is gray it is a sign that you and I are bad,” “if I dreamed that you were unfaithful to me, you are probably doing it in reality,” “the other time I saw them talking very quietly in the living room.” and I’m sure they spoke badly of me”…
A test that Freud uses to verify primary narcissism is the attitudes of children and primitive people. Freud realized that both children and primitive people have attitudes that he classifies as narcissistic: they tend to believe in magic or the omnipotence of their thoughts, that is, if they think too much about something, this will manifest in reality. . This is clear evidence of a narcissistic attitude and therefore this is how a narcissist will develop in his relationships.
Represses and acts against what he feels
The person with a narcissistic personality presents reactive training, which consists of exaggerating a feeling contrary to meaning (often anger or aggression). It represses the aggressive impulse and manifests it as the exact opposite in an exaggerated way (of tenderness and care).
Constantly seek gratification
“If my partner doesn’t respond to me, I will find a way to make things the way I want, if he lets me, I will do everything to have pleasure.” If a person is used to constant pleasure, whim and pretension are sustaining a relationship where pleasure is constant. This is called narcissism.
One of the first frustrations that human beings face is the discontinuity of pleasure: mom was not entirely at my disposal, she also satisfied her desires. My mother’s only wish was not me. It is the mother who teaches us to tolerate frustration: if at the slightest sensation of frustration and increased energy we are given pleasure so we don’t cry We are taught to immediately seek pleasure.
Look for insecure people
The ideal partners of a narcissist Many times they are people who have been traumatized in their childhood or suffered separation from their parents. But of course, it is not a proven profile, but most of them find it much easier to relate to people who seek to fill voids and heal pain from the past since they require the insecurity of the other to establish themselves in a relationship.
Find couples who need to help
A narcissist complies with what Freud determined about neurosis, where everything that is hated about the model is repeated. They also seek to fill voids and feel safe. A large number of these relationships where one of them has a high level of narcissism is complemented by another person who has neurotic, perhaps obsessive, perhaps hypochondriac or phobic needs that lead him to seek someone. someone to heal, care for, tolerate to feel full.
Has relationships with many conflicts
Can a narcissist love? Narcissistic relationships are filled with a lot of ambivalencethat is, at the same time that it manifests both love (almost in a sense of falling in love), there is a lot hate towards the same loved object. This is one of the reasons why so many conflicts occur in these types of relationships and which are a reason for consultation in the office.
A narcissist can express that he loves someone so much, but always subjugated by a varied repertoire of pathologies implicated in his narcissistic condition.
He does not recognize his narcissism
In the narcissistic personality we observe denial constant narcissistic problem, no capacity for introspection or altered introspection. This type of pathology can be intervened by a psychotherapy process, but many times the person will not accept to receive it due to their condition. A narcissist can change, as in most pathologies, accepting that there is a problem in itself that causes many limitations. Only by accepting faults can a relationship be structured with less ambiguity and more love.
He does not usually leave his partners
Does a narcissist abandon his partners? Generally, narcissists They do not easily abandon their partners Despite having been hurt, humiliated or deceived by them, even if the couple is the one who ended the relationship, the narcissist will continue to insist for a long time.
They may abandon their partners, but even having ended the relationship, they persist in maintaining an ambiguous bond with them (they continue writing to them, searching for them, calling them).
Narcissists, and often those who are obsessive neurotics, They don’t want to feel guilty or regret leaving someone, and they have a very rigid moral code that makes them believe that it is better to leave them and hurt them in order to feel like people capable of loving and forgiving.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Narcissistic personality in a couple: keys to identifying itwe recommend that you enter our category.
Bibliography
- Sigmund Freud. (1895). A psychology project for neurologists. Editorial alliance.