Personality pathology, or personality disorders, gives rise to a series of dysfunctional behaviors that cause discomfort in the person who suffers from it and has an impact on the people around them. More specifically, our personality or “way of being” influences the upbringing of our children by modulating the behavior we have with them and, at the same time, models their behavior.
One of the personality disorders is narcissistic disorder, a pathology in which patients have problems, among others, in emotional ties with others. This fact can have important consequences in raising children. Continue reading this Psychology-Online article in which we focus on the Narcissistic mothers: causes, characteristics and effects on children.
Narcissistic personality disorder
It is included in the DSM-5 diagnostic classifications of the American Psychiatric Association and in the ICD-11 of the World Health Organization. Within the classification of personality disorders, the Narcissistic disorder is classified in group Balong with histrionic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder.
Patients with narcissistic personality disorder, following the chapter by Caballo, VE, Salazar, IC and Irurtia, MJ (2014), present the following symptoms:
- Airs of greatness and superiority.
- They treat others as if they were objects.
- Lack of humility and generosity.
- Persistent in what interests them.
- .
- They believe they are special, unique and superior to others.
- Important need to be admired.
- Inflexible cognitive style.
- Anger and inappropriate
- Superficial relationships, without emotional bond
- Unable to be impressed
- Extreme swings in mood
Factors that influence narcissistic personality disorder
Following Caballo VE, Bautista, R. and López-Gollonet, C. (2004), the evolutionary experiences are those that have the most weight in the development of narcissistic disorder of personality. More than biological factors. Related to the development of narcissistic disorder, Millon and Everly (1994; seen in Caballo VE et al. 2004) point out the following environmental factors that influence the development of this problem:
- Parental indulgence and overvaluation: lack of responsibilities at home, lack of criticism and/or corrections.
- Learned exploitative behaviors: If outside the family environment she is not treated equally, the mother will develop skills to manipulate and exploit others and thus receive the attention she believes she deserves. They also learn that others can be exploited.
- Only child status: Although the results are not clear, it seems that this fact could enhance the other two factors.
In the same way that there are different factors that influence narcissistic personality disorder, it does not always manifest itself in the same way. In this article, we tell you which ones.
What a narcissistic mother is like
To illustrate how a narcissistic mother behaves, we are going to use the description of narcissistic disorder from the previous section, adapting it to motherhood. However, as with all psychological phenomena in general and narcissistic mothers and him in particular, we assume a variability that will mark differences between different cases.
Next, we will see what the characteristics of a narcissistic mother are and examples of them:
- Lack of empathy: In the case of motherhood, the mother will have difficulties understanding her son or daughter, understanding their problems and putting herself in their place.
- They believe they are superior to others: This fact can make them feel superior to their own children but also, by perceiving their children as extensions of themselves, they feel and teach them that they are superior to others.
- Need for admiration: By treating others as objects and feeling the need to be admired, they can use their children to feed their narcissism, receive attention and praise.
- They establish superficial relationships without emotional ties: If we talk about examples of narcissistic mothers, in this case, superficial relationships can lead to maintaining cold and distant relationships with their children.
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Consequences for the children of a narcissistic mother
If we take these characteristics into account, it would not be surprising if the attachment style of a narcissistic mother with her children was a , that is, an attachment style in which the child finds deficiencies regarding her care.
If an insecure-avoidant attachment is established, the child will separate from his parents to the extent he can and You will not have your attachment figures because you will not attend to their needs, will not be accessible and they will reject them emotionally. Thus, the consequences for the children of a narcissistic mother will be the following:
- They would avoid emotional contact.
- They will have difficulties expressing and understanding those of others.
- They will behave as if they don’t care about others.
- They will manifest difficulties in relationships. In this article, you will see.
- They will not seek comfort or support in painful situations. They will withdraw into themselves.
- They will show or look for a certain .
On the other hand, as we have noted, narcissistic mothers may perceive their children as extensions of themselves. We can also hypothesize with that the boy or girl acquires the behavioral style of his mother and also develop a narcissistic personality. Let us remember that according to theories of the origin of narcissism, environmental factors have a lot of weight in its development.
How to deal with a narcissistic mother
Following the recommendations proposed by Olham and Morris (1995, seen in Caballo VE et al. 2004), to relate to a narcissistic person we must take into account a series of aspects. Let’s see how to deal with a narcissistic mother:
- we must be loyal.
- We should not criticize them nor compete with them. In the same way, we should not expect them to share their merits with us.
- The fact of let’s be nice and even a little flattery can help you maintain a proper relationship with them. We must keep in mind that the same will not happen the other way around.
- The partners of narcissistic people should be prepared to receive hardly any romantic manifestations from their partner, but they must continually demonstrate it.
- The best way to make a criticism is to use diplomacy and go interspersing expressions of admiration. Let’s remember that they are very sensitive to criticism.
- We must keep in mind that narcissistic mothers will not admit their mistakes, although they can correct their behavior.
In this article, you will find more information about .
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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References
- American Psychiatric Association (2014). DSM-5. Reference guide to the diagnostic criteria of the DSM-5-Breviary. Madrid: Panamericana Medical Editorial.
- World Health Organization (WHO) (2018) International Classification of Diseases, 11th revision. Recovered from https://icd.who.int/es
- Caballo, VE, Salazar, IC and Irurtia, MJ (2014). Personality disorders. En Caballo, VE, Salazar, IC and Carrobles, JA (2014) Manual of Psychopathology and Psychological Disorders. Madrid. Pyramid.
- Caballo VE, Bautista, R. and López-Gollonet, C. (2004). Narcissistic personality disorder. In Caballo, VE (Coord.), Manual of personality disorders. Description, evaluation and treatment (PP.137-160). Madrid: Editorial Síntesis