Perhaps one of the most important moments in a person’s life revolves around the question of offspring. Do we want to have children? If we decide yes, how many? When is the right time? What kind of principles and values do we want to transmit to them? Will it be possible to combine his upbringing with our careers and hectic lives?
And if My partner doesn’t want to have children, what do I do? In this Psychology-Online article, we tell you the main reasons that produce this situation, and if not wanting to have children as the reason for separation.
I want to have a child and my partner doesn’t, should I be worried?
If you want to have a child and your partner doesn’t agree, it’s understandable that you might feel worried. This is a situation that can create tensions and challenges in the relationship. However, there is no single answer to whether you should worry or not, as Each situation is unique and depends on various factors.
Making the decision to have a child is an important thing and both members of the couple must agree. It is crucial that there be open and honest communication between you and your partner to address this issue. Faced with idealistic notions about love and relationships, people come up against the reality of everyday life. Discrepancies arrive, the accumulation of disappointments, routine, dilemmas, and with it, the question about children.
There are many couples who do not want to have children. But the issue that in many cases generates the most important conflicts in the couple is when one spouse wants to have children, and the other does not. What happens then? All of these factors can greatly complicate the relationship, undermine it, and even bring it to an end.
In case you are the one who does not want to have children, you will find more information in the following article: .
Why doesn’t my partner want to have children with me?
My partner doesn’t want to have children, why? exist wide variety of reasons that would lead a person to make this choice. Each individual has their own motivations and personal circumstances that influence their decision. Some possible reasons could include:
- Personal preferences: Your partner may simply have a personal preference of not wanting to have children. Some people may not be attracted to the idea of parenthood or may have different priorities in life.
- Past experiences: Negative experiences related to raising children, such as growing up in a dysfunctional environment or having early family responsibilities, can influence the decision not to want to have children.
- Economic concerns: Concern about financial stability and the economic challenges associated with raising children can be a major factor in the decision not to have children.
- Social or cultural pressure: Some people may feel social or cultural pressure to have children, but if they don’t feel true internal motivation, they may choose not to have them.
- Health problems: Health considerations, both physical and mental, can influence the decision not to have children. Some people may have concerns about the ability to adequately care for a child due to medical conditions or mental health issues.
- Differences in life stage: If your partner is at a stage in life where they don’t yet feel ready to take on the responsibility of having children, they may prefer to wait until they feel more ready.
If the reason for having children is to please others or the fear of relationship breakdown, everyone, including children, will suffer from this choice. It must be a decision that is authentic and true, without feeling influenced by the wishes of others. The resentment that often develops as a result of unmet needs is often a clear recipe for discomfort and frustration.
In this scenario, you should consider the following: if your partner’s lack of desire to become a father makes you abandon your determination to have children, Could you accept this decision without resentment? Such a choice could mean that you later glimpse an alternative version of your life on a recurring basis. You may not be able to fully appreciate the consequences of such a commitment when you make the decision, but it is helpful to know and explore all aspects before making the decision.
What to do if my boyfriend doesn’t want to have children
If you are sure about your relationship with your partner, don’t put off the topic and address it immediately. Take time to do it, look for the right moment. Don’t expect it to resolve itself. Give it the importance it requires, keeping your position clear.
Ask yourself What would you like your long-term future to be like?, tries to envision the rest of his life. If you’re not sure whether you want to be a parent, it may help to imagine a life with children rather than a life without them. Even if you don’t currently have this need, remember that this is simply a current state and consider the fact that you won’t have children while many of the people in your life likely will. How will you feel attending birthday parties, graduations, and other life events of people close to you and their children?
The social circle is essential. Ask a trusted friend for advice, lean on your family. Instead of rushing to make a decision, keep an open mind to the advice of people who are by your side. Going to a professional is always recommended and very enriching.
Is it common to separate because you don’t want to have children?
If both parties cannot reach a satisfactory agreement, consider your decision, no matter how painful it may seem at first. At these times, it is common to make the mistake of thinking that our partner will change his mind when he realizes what having children means to us, or that miraculously one day he will wake up sharing our dream. But maintaining a relationship based on illusions, and not on facts, is a sure formula for unhappiness.
Fear is a normal feeling which can occur when faced with parenthood, but can be overcome by reflecting on the perceived dangers that activate it, working on tolerance towards the unknown and trust in oneself and one’s partner. It’s also worth keeping in mind that having children is unlikely to turn out exactly how you think it will. Choosing to have a family involves a great deal of uncertainty.and the very ability to cope with this uncertainty is what makes it work.
On the other hand, a large number of people around the world do not have children, in fact, many couples do not want to have children, and they have a wonderful life. For some it was a thoughtful decision, while others experienced fertility problems, or simply weren’t with the right person at the right time. In any case, we must be faithful to our internal guidetell and assert our truth to experience a full life and be the best version of ourselves, whether in a relationship or not.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Feliu, MH, & Güell, MA (1992). Couple relationship: techniques for coexistence. Martínez Roca.
- Pines, A. (2013). Couple burnout: Causes and cures. Routledge.
- Perel, E. (2017). The state of affairs: Rethinking infidelity-A book for anyone who has ever loved. Hachette UK.