Falling out of love is a normal process that occurs within a couple, it is natural just like falling in love. However, it is a situation that causes sadness, uncertainty, heartbreak and anguish when the couple does not satisfy emotionally, sexually and intellectually, causing discomfort and behavior that is characterized by being unhealthy and productive for both people within the relationship.
In Psychology-Online, we will expand this topic and see why your partner doesn’t satisfy you and what you can do in this situation.
What is the couple, conception and characteristics
The couple relationship is one of the most complex forms of interaction that human beings have because psychological, social, cultural, upbringing, and biological aspects, among others, are involved to promote an emotional relationship with another person, who can be heterosexual or homosexual.
From the point of view of psychology, the author Zinker (2005) cited by (Espínola, Ortega, Moreno and Gamboa, 2017) argues that the couple is a system of people committed to staying together over a period of time, thus maintaining its continuity.
A relationship is the romantic sentimental bond that unites two people and said relationship is known socially as courtship, concubinage or marriage. When a couple is formed, a new system is created which has its own characteristics that will relate or differentiate it from the initial system from which it comes, which is its primary nucleus or its family of origin. Each couple brings myths, beliefs and expectations that have been built throughout their life, many of these expectations have been built from what they observed in their coexistence with their family of origin.
The love of a couple is that feeling that is born within the couple and that is shared by both members, who through values, respect, affection They give their best for the well-being and balance of the relationship. In short, a relationship is a romantic relationship where individuals share their lives, projects, mutual commitment, understanding and individual space.
Why doesn’t my partner satisfy me?
In this way, love within the couple is built and strengthened with time, coexistence, and exploration of the other person. It may happen that in any emotional relationship in which one has been immersed a feeling of emptiness appears that with the passage of time is never filled with the presence of the couple.
The emotional emptiness that can be experienced in an emotional relationship can be expressed with the following phrase “sensation of feeling that something is missing in life” which is not filled in the emotional relationship. Generally, when this feeling is present in one of the members of the couple, the relationship sooner or later ends since the feeling absorbs the couple in their attempt to fill themselves and the other person in continuing to contribute without seeing results.
Lack of sexual affinity
Affinity and sexual life is one of the key points within an emotional relationship. If there is no sexual satisfaction, the emptiness will be present even more if what you want to experience is not discussed with the other person.
Lack of intellectual affinity
In the same way, if there is no intellectual affinity, thinking and reasoning are not shared or nourished, it leads to the dissolution of the relationship.
Loss of motivation and interest
It is important to highlight that sometimes it is not the partner who makes you feel that emptiness, it is the person themselves who can present a feeling of emptiness characterized by the loss of motivation and interest in what is happening in their life, it is similar to a feeling of having nothing inside. This negative feeling is frequently associated with suffering and conflict. The person who suffers from it looks to others to fill that void that they have, which does not generate positive rewards but rather negative ones.
What to do if my partner does not fulfill me intellectually?
For Murillo, D. (2019), one of the three pillars that must be present in a relationship is intellectuality, since the human being is not made of only emotions, but It is important and vital to nourish your thoughtshave an intellectual affinity and have a similar way of nurturing reasoning.
In other words, by rationally thinking and expressing more or less the same things in relation to the workplace, values, religion, sex, education, culture and family dynamics, the emotional relationship flows more productively.
Likewise, the author reports that one of the aspects that most nourishes the relationship, affection and affinity is the contribution of valuable ideas within the relationship that lead to personal and marital development. If not, they will progressively exclude each other, this being one of the most common causes of separation between couples.
Intellectual growth is born from camaraderie and creative work between both, likewise morality is born from intellectual reasoning, trust and not prejudice. Likewise, the degree of maturity is related to the spiritual development of the couple.
If this intellectual affinity does not exist and produces a void within the relationship, It is advisable to work based on that intellectual affinity especially if there is already an emotional commitment through mutual spaces for intellectual, spiritual and values growth.
What to do if my partner does not fulfill me sexually?
The sexual act considerably influences the understanding and stability of relationships, not only for physical pleasure but also for the emotional relationship. After the falling in love phase, the sexual act is the union that the couple will have and it is a union that is made to last. In this process of the sexual act, the intimacy process subsequently enters, which plays an important role in the couple’s relationship as well as communication.
Knowledge of oneself and of the other personlike trust, are key points in the sexual sphere, enhancing these aspects will reduce the probability of difficulties appearing in the intimate sphere of the couple.
However, sometimes difficulties appear in the sexual life of a couple, where the sexual act is not satisfactory and extinguishes the relationship. If in this case you feel sexual dissatisfaction, it is advisable to treat from trust and communication This important point for any couple, sexual self-exploration It is key to self-knowledge, investigating the most erogenous zones and the places of greatest sensitivity. Sexual monotony is also a breaking point in any relationship, resume going out, other spaces and discover sexual fantasies They can help reestablish the connection with the other person.
If, on the contrary, an attempt has been made to establish the relationship and the void persists, it is time to seek professional help to know the origin of the emptiness that causes the consequences that occur in the relationship.
In these articles, you will find more information about and proposals for .
When is it time to leave your partner?
It is important to highlight that to have a healthy relationship, each healthy member must come first, although it sounds almost impossible because we are human beings, but we seek to fill the void with the couple when it is the person themselves who has such deficiencies. At this point, it is advisable not to delete it or fill it with other people, It is the person himself who must fill himselfFor this, help with a mental health professional is essential and necessary.
Another aspect to note is that human beings are people independent of our own needs and desires, which must be presented to the couple and between both achieve the necessary balance in favor of the emotional relationship. If the stated objective is not achieved, it is best to think about the well-being of both and achieve separate objectives, not continue immersed in a relationship where emptiness is the main factor of the relationship.
In the following article we explain.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Espínola, I.; Aída Ortega, C. ; Moreno, Ma.; Gamboa, C. (2017). Psychology for Latin America. Recovered from: http://pepsic.bvsalud.org/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S1870-350X2017000300002
- Murillo, D. (2019). The observer. Retrieved from: https://www.elle.com/es/living/pareja-sexo/g795132/tu-pareja-no-te-satisface/