In the arduous world of relationships, sometimes we have to face difficult situations that we don’t really know how to manage. One of the situations that affects many couples at some point in their relationship is the feeling that our partner does whatever he wants, without considering our needs or well-being, which can generate frustration, confusion and doubts about the future of the relationship.
My partner does whatever he wants, what can I do? In this Psychology-Online article we will talk about the reasons that may be behind this behavior and provide tips and strategies to address the situation effectively.
Why does my partner do whatever he wants?
Not understanding why a couple acts independently and does whatever they want without considering the wishes or needs of the other can cause great discomfort in the person who suffers from it. Therefore, below we leave you an analysis of the possible reasons behind this behavior to address it effectively.
- Lack of communication: In many cases, the root of this behavior lies in a lack of communication and a lack of agreement. In this case, it is essential to establish a friendly and clear dialogue to express your desires and expectations in the relationship. Here we explain.
- Differences in personality: Personality differences can also play a role in this situation. Some people have a more independent and autonomous nature, while others tend to be more dependent and considerate. Understanding and accepting these differences is essential to avoid conflicts.
- Lack of commitment: In some cases, this behavior may be an indication of a lack of commitment in the relationship. Your partner might not be fully committed or feel like the relationship is not their priority right now. This requires a serious conversation about goals and expectations in the relationship.
- Need for personal space: it is important to remember that all people need their personal space and moments of autonomy. Your partner might be looking for time alone to grow or just to do things they like. This is healthy as long as it is balanced with commitment and consideration for the relationship. In the following art How to tell your partner that you need space
- Unresolved conflicts: Sometimes this type of behavior can be a response to arguments that have not been resolved in the relationship. If there have been frequent problems, your partner may act independently as a way to emotionally protect himself from a situation that causes him pain.
- Stress or personal problems: Personal problems or problems can also influence your partner’s behavior. Sometimes the need for independence can be a way to deal with personal or emotional problems.
When to worry if my partner does whatever he wants
At this point it is important to distinguish between healthy independence and problematic behavior. Below are some signs that may indicate when it is appropriate to worry.
- Lack of commitment: If you notice that your partner shows an almost total lack of commitment in the relationship and does not seem to care about your needs or how you feel, it is cause for concern. Commitment is essential in a relationship, and if you don’t feel like you have it at almost any time, it could indicate that there are deeper problems.
- Constant inconsideration: If your partner consistently acts inconsiderate and selfish, without caring about how his actions affect you, it is a clear sign that you should be concerned. Consideration and respect for others are essential in a healthy relationship.
- Lack of communication: If lack of communication is a pattern in the relationship and your partner makes important decisions without consulting you or informing you, it implies that perhaps he no longer feels that your opinion is important to him. Open communication and joint decision making are essential in a strong relationship.
- Denial: If your partner denies the existence of problems or avoids talking about any concerns or conflicts in the relationship, it can be worrying. Constant denial can make it difficult to solve problems and grow together.
- Emotional isolation: If you feel that your partner has become emotionally distant and seems to be avoiding intimacy of any kind with you, it is cause for concern. Intimacy and emotional connection are pillars
- Harmful behavior: If your partner’s behavior causes you physical, emotional or psychological harm, it is a clear sign of concern. You should never tolerate abuse in a relationship and seek essential help in such cases.
What to do if my partner does whatever he wants
If you feel that your partner does whatever he wants without considering your needs or the well-being of the relationship, it is important to address this situation clearly and constructively. Below we provide you with some advice on how to act if you find yourself in this situation.
- Communicate: The first step is to have an honest and open conversation with your partner. Express your feelings and concerns respectfully and clearly. Also listen to their perspective to understand the reasons behind their behavior.
- Set boundaries: In conversation, it is important to set healthy boundaries in the relationship. Explain your expectations and needs, and make sure you both agree on what is acceptable and what is not. In this article we explain to you.
- Seek their commitment: Seek mutual commitments in the relationship. This involves finding solutions that work for both of you and being willing to compromise on certain aspects to achieve balance in the relationship.
- Listen with empathy: try to understand the reasons behind your partner’s behavior. There may be reasons such as stress or personal worries, which are contributing to your independent attitude. Fostering empathy can help you find solutions together.
- Maintain continuous communication: Communication is not just a single isolated conversation, but an ongoing process in a relationship. Continue to communicate regularly about your feelings, needs, and expectations as the relationship evolves.
- Consult a therapist: If tensions persist and you cannot resolve the issues on your own, consider seeking the help of a couples therapist. A professional can give you guidance and tools so that relationship problems can be faced in a healthy way for both of you.
- Think about your needs: Reflect on your own expectations and needs in the relationship. Make sure they are realistic and that you are not demanding too much of your partner. Communication will help you adjust these expectations if necessary.
- Maintain your independence: Although it is important to address the problem, it is also essential to maintain your own independence and continue doing things you enjoy on your own. This can help you feel more balanced in the relationship.
- Consider breaking up: In extreme cases where lack of commitment or harmful behavior persists, it is important to consider whether the relationship is truly healthy for you. Sometimes, it may be necessary to make the difficult decision to go your separate ways so that you can both be happy and have the opportunity to find a person who gives you what you need in a relationship.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Anders, S.L., & Tucker, J.S. (2000). Adult attachment style, interpersonal communication competence, and social support. Personal Relationships, 7(4), 379-389. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2000.tb00023.x
- Higuera, JAG (2002). The structure of the couple: Implications for cognitive behavioral therapy. Redalyc.org. http://www.redalyc.org/articulo.oa?id=180618083004
- Morfa, J.D. (2003). Prevention of relationship conflicts. Desclee De Brower. https://www.scenacriminis.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Prevenci%C3%B3n-de-los-conflictos-de-pareja.pdf