There are several factors that can favor a mother’s behavior of emotional blackmail towards her children: exercising overprotective motherhood, having a controlling, manipulative and insecure personality, being pathologically linked to the affection of her children, having difficulty self-managing her own desires, limits and needs, etc. All of these factors, even the interaction between them, cause unfair maternal behaviors of emotional blackmail that can cause serious consequences and blockages in her children.
In this Psychology-Online article you will find the following information: My mother blackmails me emotionally: why and what to do. We will comment on several examples in which a mother exercises emotional blackmail behavior on her children, we will explain why these different situations occur and we will specify what to do to combat this negative controlling behavior.
Overprotective mothers
Overprotective mothers, in many cases protected by their own arguments of care of their children, they use emotional blackmail to prevent them from exposing themselves to any of the potential dangers that, depending on their style of mothering, exist if they disobey their precepts.
Going against this maternal position is complicated, since, on many occasions, the son or daughter themselves are unable to perceive their behavior as blackmail, interpreting it as behavior of protection and care towards them. However, one indication of a mother’s emotional blackmail is Feeling unwell and internal restlessness of the child in response to the maternal request. If you have this feeling, check out the following article:
If you are wondering why my mother uses emotional blackmail on me and what to do, below we show you the different types of emotional blackmail from mothers.
Controlling mothers and manipulative mothers
In other cases, mothers with high levels of insecurity have learned to survive by controlling the aspects that affect their lives. With respect to the lives of their children, controlling mothers feel safe controlling every element of their lives and, to do so, they manipulate them and, if necessary, they become mothers who use emotional blackmail so that they do not deviate from their guidelines. .
Do you wonder why my mother emotionally blackmails me? All this attitude and behavior of manipulative mothers, like any other defense mechanisms that people use to survive, are done unconsciously. However, in this case, maternal behavior is usually quite censorious and punitive, so the response that generates in children It is usually from frustration, anger and resentment.
Faced with this manifest pain, children can rebel against the guidelines indicated by the mother. However, it is much more constructive to adopt a serene and calm attitude of rejecting maternal control, without falling into fights and quarrels full of aggression and resentment derived from emotional blackmail from mother to daughter. Find out in this article about .
Mothers dependent on their children
In this case, as with the rest of the examples, mothers who are dependent on their children adopt unhealthy and pathological attitudes that end up manipulating and extorting their children. One of the examples of an emotional blackmailer is mothers with great emotional deficiencies who wrongly attach themselves to their children, offering them unconditional mothering in exchange for an unconscious contract of absolute fidelity. When the children try to take steps towards their independence and personal vital development, the mother initiates emotional blackmail behavior with the unconscious intention to retain your child at his side.
A healthy way to combat this type of pathological behavior is, as we have mentioned, in a calm and sober manner, to make our intentions clear, also indicating that none of this implies any betrayal of our mother but rather free, healthy decisions and personal development. .
Mothers with inability to emotional self-management
What to do if I receive emotional blackmail from my mother? These types of mothers have a high level of emotional immaturity due to great emotional deficiencies. This leads them to live permanently trying to satisfy their own personal needs and demanding from those around them, through emotional manipulation, responses that cover their needs.
In these cases, there are also situations in which mothers are unable to recognize their needs and limits and enter into major crises and internal conflicts due to the discomfort generated by this level of unconsciousness. Without having the capacity to self-manage internally, they unconsciously emotionally blackmail their children to vent your frustrationsmeet your needs or respect your limits.
As in the rest of the examples, these are not easy situations for children to face and resolve, especially if they are young minors who do not have the necessary guidelines to solve these situations.
Regardless of the age of the children, we must keep in mind that, the most important thing is to analyze to what extent our own response and behavior is perpetuating a mother’s emotional blackmail, in the case of minors with external help. In this way, patiently and persistently modifying small aspects of our way of reacting will have effects on interactions, modifying them and creating more constructive situations for the entire family. In this article, we tell you.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Gutman, L. (2008). Breeding. Invisible violence and addictions. RBA Books.
- Serrano Hortelano, X. (2007) Brief Characteranalytic Psychotherapy (PBC). A psychosocial response to emotional, individual and couple suffering. New Library Editorial.