We can confuse love with emotional dependence, in this case, one of our specialists clears up your doubts, through her knowledge and experiences on the subject.
What is love?
A set of behaviors and emotions that makes us feel intimacy, passion and commitment. Love is consummated when these three are present, when we can say, apart from the emotions and the butterflies that we feel for this person, we also feel commitment.
There are different types of love, a person does not feel passionate love for family; However, this type of commitment can occur in friendship, through compassion. Even within love we can be unrequited, that is, a person can love, but that does not mean that they love him in the same way or form.
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Does that fact disfigure the concept of love?
In this case, we are talking about empty love. Which is where the person may love with intimacy, commitment, passion, but it is not reciprocated in the same way. You may even be in a relationship where you are the only one rowing and the other is there, just receiving.
In that sense, what is emotional dependence?
In love we never talk about dependency. When I talk about commitment and passion I do not mention or refer to the fact that love is dependent. Dependency is a condition, an emotional difficulty that is evident when all the well-being and security that you believe in yourself depends on how the other person treats you.. If at one point, that person gave you attention and takes it away from you, it is as if you feel that you are no longer worth it, and that only he or she confirms it to you.
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Signs
- Can’t stand being alone.
- Stress due to physical or emotional distancing from your partner.
- For fear of loneliness, he does not leave his partner and endures situations.
- Submission, fear of expressing opinions, avoid discussions.
- Feeling of inferiority in relation to the partner.
Whose responsibility is it to feel emotionally dependent?
At this point I want to talk about co-responsibility. Somehow, people We notice that there is a dependency when the partner does not answer and the heart feels like it is coming out of the chest, anxiety, depression, and lack of concentration are generated. and in that case, support should be sought. Likewise, if you notice that your partner is experiencing it, and that is where I refer to co-responsibility.
When I refer to commitment within a relationship, I also refer to the care and well-being of the other.
Emotions are temporary, usually, you can regulate or co-regulate yourself. If you have a problem with your partner, it is usual that, since you are not dependent, you look for support networks that, in some way, help you ground and understand what is happening and allow you to find solutions, but what happens if you have emotional dependence? You isolate yourself because you feel that the only person who can be your support is your partner and, if you only depend on your partner, what are you going to do when you have problems?
In this case you need to generate a support network and know that if you don’t usually have one in your context, in Porque Quiero estar Bien you will find one.
Three strategies to prevent emotional dependence
- Generating secure relationships from childhood. When a boy or girl shows that they have difficult emotions, they should be supported, be there and make them feel good to receive love. When we tell others, from a young age, that they deserve love, they grow up knowing that when there is no love they must set a limit.
- Let’s learn to manage our emotions. If we have difficulty, slightly attentional needs or we feel very bad when someone rejects us, it is important to expose ourselves to it, but with professional support. We cannot hold a person responsible for our own well-being.then we must assume our well-being and that if there is a relationship that is becoming dependent or that is reaching dependency, have support, but we have to decide it ourselves.
- If there are difficulties with self-concept, If you feel that you are not worthy, that your self-esteem is very low or that you depend on others, you can detect these signs and go to psychology because there is something that you are not working on with yourself.