Does that sound familiar to you that there is no worse enemy than yourself? If your inner voice speaks to you with distrust or despises your merits, if it becomes the most ruthless critical voice you know and does not put affection and consideration first, it will end up dynamiting your self-esteem and your self-concept.
To achieve a healthy degree of psychological well-being it is necessary to activate a self-compassionate inner dialogue, overcoming old educational burdens and attachment styles that may have affected your emotional development as a person. If you are able to neutralize these harmful mechanisms and talk to yourself with more respect, you will notice a profound change for the better.
Albert Ellis and self-compassionate inner dialogue
Albert Ellis was the father of Rational Emotive Therapy. He already showed in the 1950s that distorted thoughts about ourselves can cause psychological problems related to self-esteem, anxiety and depression. One of his best-known phrases is the following: “You feel mainly the way you think.”
This cognitive psychotherapist considered that internal dialogue constitutes the axis of emotional well-being and helps us change significantly in order to grow as people. To do this, according to Ellis, there must be “unconditional self-acceptance” on the part of the person, who rebels against the irrational idea that we have to do everything perfectly and cannot afford the slightest failure.
However, we are not helped from a young age to educate that self-pitying inner voice. Much less if, from early childhood, the person has been subjected to an inadequate emotional education.
However, numerous recent studies point out that , a valuable contribution from positive psychology, has a clear correlation with emotional satisfaction and the control of states of anxiety, depression, stress, etc.
10 essential aspects to develop self-compassionate inner dialogue
- Self-awareness: It is about becoming fully aware of your needs, emotions and thoughts. Psychological well-being and personal growth cannot be achieved if you live on autopilot mode.
- Restart: After so much time, the pattern of thoughts can be so flawed that we must start from scratch to identify our true needs and be able to give ourselves that love that we have denied ourselves for so long.
- Try to make yourself happy: The secret is to treat yourself as you would your best friend, whom you do not judge or recriminate, but rather help and try to understand. Well, that’s also how you should do it with yourself.
- Deactivate internal ghosts: We are referring to prejudices, toxic thoughts, erroneous beliefs about yourself, etc., which all they do is limit you.
- Allow yourself imperfection: In life we all make mistakes and fail, because we are human. We must assume and accept it, life is learning.
- Forgive yourself: If you made mistakes you can’t continue mortifying yourself. If you are able to forgive others you have to put it into practice with yourself too. If you forgive yourself, you will feel freer and grow as a person.
- Growth Mindset: According to this term, coined by Dr. Carol Dweck, we learn from our mistakes in order to grow, develop our potential despite labels and initial shortcomings, abandoning rigid ways of thinking that make our adaptation impossible.
- In the face of criticism, encourage self-motivation: Internal criticism must have limitations and be replaced by self-motivation. This is a skill that can be developed and that stimulates us to continue growing despite difficulties.
- Kindness vs. excessive criticism and negativity: Self-talk should encourage kindness and tenderness to defuse negative criticism. It is a slow process that must be done with a clear and fully conscious intention, which takes time.
- Slow down the pace: Self-compassionate self-talk is not compatible with fast-paced, automatic thoughts. Let’s cook our internal dialogue over low heat, with calm, care and patience. Little by little, we will be able to prioritize kindness over severity, hopelessness or tension.
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