It is quite common for sons and daughters to take care of their fathers and mothers once they are older. Furthermore, the role of the caregiver is rarely talked about and it is not welcomed that their parents end up in a nursing home. There is a constant belief about having to take care of our parents at home, since when we were little they took care of us.
Although this is true in a certain way, it must be taken into account that, on many occasions, this belief is taken to the extreme, producing physical and mental health problems in the caregiver, due to the exhaustion of caring for a dependent person without no kind of rest. In this Psychology-Online article, we will see What can you do if you are tired of taking care of your mother?we will talk about the caregiver syndrome, the conflicts that can arise between siblings due to this situation and the possible consequences it leaves in the family.
What is burnt out caregiver syndrome?
He is defined by a feeling of overload, exhaustion, stress, feeling of isolation of other people, since the life of the caregiver is limited to meeting the needs of the sick person.
What are the consequences of caregiver syndrome? This state entails neglect of the family unit, lack of freedom, hardships and sacrifices personal, conflicts between family members due to the difference in time dedicated to the patient, negative feelings towards the relative to be cared for, among many others. The very high level of tiredness and stress It also has long-term effects such as heart problems, anxiety and depression. Therefore, it is normal for you to be tired if you take care of a sick or dependent person.
It has been seen that people decide to take care of a relative all the time due to the moral obligation they feel.
Family problems
It is quite common for the main caregiver to be one. The overload that this suffers causes conflicts between the children of the patient since, on the one hand, the primary caregiver complains of being the most responsible for the situation and, on the other hand, the family often acts as a source of criticism and not of support. That is, they reproach the main caregiver for not doing things differently, for example. Therefore, they are common conflicts between siblings for taking care of your mother or father.
Over time, this situation opens a gap in affection between family members that, on many occasions, when the parent has died, countless conflicts arise regarding the inheritance since the primary caregiver is considered to have a greater right than the other siblings. about it.
It is therefore of utmost importance that responsibility falls equally about the different family members and also have formal external support.
Caring for the caregiver
Caring for a dependent as a family leaves consequences. As we mentioned previously, it is common for there to be a false belief that one must care for the sick person twenty-four hours a day. This represents a great overload on a single person, causing the health effects already mentioned. These effects on health mean that the person ends up developing negative feelings towards the patient, taking care of them increasingly worse or, in the worst case, treating them badly since they are blamed for the problems that have arisen as a result of being a caregiver. .
Therefore, some guidelines must be followed to alleviate caregiver overload:
- Ask for help. First of all, you must understand that it is necessary to be physically and mentally well to take good care of your family member, so you should not feel guilty for asking other family members for help or registering the patient in a day center or respite center, so that you can have a few hours to yourself and can run errands but also rest.
- Maintain healthy lifestyle habits. On the other hand, it is important to maintain healthy lifestyle habits regarding food, sleep, sport…and also when it comes to mental health, that is, having health activities leisure with oneself, also activities with other people to maintain their social life.
- Don’t overprotect. It is important that you also allow your family member to do all the activities they are capable of, not only to promote their autonomy, but so that they depend less on others and do not have to devote so much attention to them.
- Accept that you are human. If at any time negative feelings and thoughts that are not socially accepted appear (such as that you are tired of taking care of your mother or father), it is logical, normal and is partly due to overload. Don’t feel guilty, accept that you will have bad days and ask your family for help so that, on those days, they can give you support and you can rest.
- Avoid stress and conflict situationssince you already live in a stressful situation.
- Dedicate time to your needs. It is extremely important to find a balance in which the caregiver has time for self-care and is also cared for by others.
- Learn about the disease. Finally, it can be quite useful to find out about your family member’s illness, since that way you will know the best way to help them and you will know what symptoms are common and you can expect them to happen.
- Understand and take care of you. Above all, understand yourself, take care of yourself. When your parents took care of you, they also had support, from their own parents, from daycare centers, from other relatives… You should not carry the situation alone since, once again, to take care of others you must first take care of yourself. to oneself.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Flores, E., Rivas, E., & Seguel, F. (2012). Level of overload in the performance of the role of family caregiver for older adults with severe dependency. Science and Nursing, 18(1), 29-41.
- Garro-Gil, N. (2011). Analysis of the “Caregiver Syndrome” in cases of Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias from an ethical-anthropological approach.