Putting an end to a relationship is one of the most difficult decisions we can ever make in our lives. We are assailed by doubts about whether we want to continue with our partner, accompanied by various fears: what happens if I make a mistake or if I regret it? What if later I realize that I do love him/her and I want to be with that person?
In this Psychology-Online article, we want to give you some guidelines that can help you know what to do about this issue. Keep reading to know What to do if I want to leave my partner and I can’t. Discover the best professional advice to assess your relationship and make the best decision for your well-being.
Use your imagination
How do I leave someone I can’t leave? We propose a kind of game. Imagine for a whole day that this person is not your partner. Do not make plans with him or her, think about the future as if he or she were no longer in your life and, once this day has passed, write how you have felt, what the fact of not seeing the other person has generated in you. in your future, how you have been this day without him/her. All of these are experiences and sensations that can help you make a decision.
Listen to yourself twice as much when you are with him/her
Our body is wise and sends us signals. When you are with the other person, listen to yourself, see what you feel next to himif you imagine spending more time with that person, if you want to share experiences with him and what would you feel if he now told you “I’m leaving for a long time”, would you miss him?
Talk to the other person
I want to leave my partner but I can’t: what do I do? Communication is always the basis of a relationship, both in good and bad times. Therefore, you should have a conversation with your partner. Remember that relationships are bidirectional and go both ways.
Maybe what you feel is also the result of what the other part of the couple feels. Ask him or her how he or she feels about your relationship., if he/she is still excited, if he/she wants to make plans with you, etc. If you want more information to help you clear up your doubts, we suggest you consult this article about .
Write a diary of your feelings
If you say “I want to leave my partner but I’m afraid”, we suggest writing a diary of feelings. It would be a mix of the first two points, but unlike the others, this activity consists of record how you feel about the relationship every day for several weeks.
You set the time you want to write in the diary, however, it must have an end, that is, an end date. When the day comes, take a few days off and prepare another day to read it in its entirety. The evolution or non-evolution of your feelings about the relationship can help you make a decision.
Make a pros and cons list
When in doubt about how to know if it is time to leave your partner, you can make a list of pros and cons. It is a very typical tool, but no less useful, when you are considering leaving a relationship it is important to see what do you lose and what do you gain with this action. Like almost everything in life, we always evaluate the pros and cons of our actions. Why not do it now?
Ask your surroundings
Ask those around you how they see you and what perceptions they currently have of you. On many occasions, people outside and around us perceive things that we ourselves are not able to perceive. Maybe they see us more subdued or they have realized that we look for any excuse not to be with our partner.
Sometimes, Our environment can open our eyes to many things.. For all these reasons, if you say you are not happy with your partner but you cannot leave him, ask those you trust to receive good advice.
Give yourself a time out
What should I do if I want to leave my partner and I can’t? Not all couples or relationships accept a time-out, but it can be a temporary solution. Obviously, before taking this step, assess whether or not your partner can accept a dead time.
If once assessed you think it is an option, you can ask your boyfriend or girlfriend for a time where You both give each other space to think., you can set your rules and regulations about what can or cannot happen during this time, about whether or not you want to maintain sporadic contact through messages or if, on the contrary, it is absolute disconnection. This time can be used for both of you to reflect on what path you want your relationship to take or whether you no longer want it to continue. If, on the other hand, it is your partner who asks you for time, in this article you will see.
Reflect on how many things you would change and how many you wouldn’t.
If you say “I want to leave my boyfriend but I’m afraid of regretting it”, consider the relationship today, ask yourself How many things about your partner would you like to change? and how many you would like them to stay. Once you have done this, rate each thing with the importance it has to you, both what it has and what you would like to see changed.
Once you have done this exercise, reflect on how many of what you would like to change is something that can be worked on as a couple or is innate and part of your way of being. This exercise can be very useful, since allows you to see graphically where the relationship is for youIn addition, we add another final question: what effort are you willing to invest so that certain things in the relationship change?
Finally, if you think that the best thing is to end the relationship, we recommend that you read the following article about , a topic that we also address in the video that you can see below.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Riso, W. (2003). To love or depend?: how to overcome emotional attachment and make love a full and healthy experience. Publisher: Norma.