We regularly meet many people whose reason for consultation is this. And it is clear that when someone goes to a consultation under these circumstances, they do not tend to guess the causes of what is happening to them.
There are several reasons that come together to generate this situation in which some people reach those expectations that had been set for them since they were young but their state of mind does not accompany them:
- High level of stress. The type of life that many people usually lead taking care of a family, a house, a job, a relationship and some individual development can be an enormous overload. However, our culture encourages a very focused attention on thought, which limits our ability to feel the things we experience. To feel we need the body and with such a high level of stress our body usually sustains an extreme amount of tension and fatigue that we become oblivious to for our own survival. Although the accumulation of this situation over time can generate consequences, both physical with pain or illness, and mental, affecting our mood and motivation, we are not usually aware of living under a state of chronic stress. And the state of activation in our nervous system can put us in extremes of hyper and hypo activation that prevent a socialization response, which harms our ability to connect with those with whom we share our lives.
- The expectations. Our education and culture encourages a pre-established type of life that we usually imitate as a symptom of well-being. But for some people, taking exclusively the paths that the predicted life offers them may mean not paying attention to those conditions that their own judgment might require. Once the “standardization” of life is achieved: good job, family, home, etc., and after a period of normalization, it may not satisfy the person’s needs because having achieved it, it no longer poses challenges and we tend to stop enjoy it.
- The lack of attention. We tend to lead very fast paces of life, with a high level of demand and based on the future, so we do not take the time necessary to feel those things that happen to us by paying attention to the present moment. Our life usually works on autopilot, and we only tend to place ourselves in our thinking mind, with a huge tendency to get ahead of things. The most curious thing is when we look back: what do we remember about everything we do? …Of little things, especially those that entail unpleasant emotions: problems, arguments, frustrations,… Therefore, if we pay a little more attention to what we are, more to what we do, we will be able to get the most out of it. much more of a match for our day, leaving a greater presence in our memory, and therefore, a greater expectancy of conscious life.
- Lack of comunication. There may be difficulties in communicating what we feel to others. It is common to be surrounded by people, even close ones, but for the person to feel alone, disconnected. With individuality increasingly encouraged through screens, it is difficult for us to communicate even with our people, preventing true sharing that is the essence of our relationships. If we add to this that we are not great examples of communicating what bothers us, sometimes we live with masks until our emotions saturate us and we tend to explode in reproach. From this position, it is possible that genuinely enjoying relationships with others can be quite complicated.
- Hedonism. Our society prioritizes the acquisition of a quality of life based on consumption, “short-termism”, novelty, immediacy. Everything that requires effort is usually restricted to the development of a professional career, but once it is completed and a certain status has been achieved, effort may no longer represent a priority. If we lose the capacity for effort, it tends to be difficult to achieve motivation, which leads to satisfaction. If we base everything on satisfying superficial needs, we can end up languishing at the levels of self-realization that must be inherent to the development of the person.
- The lack of rest. Living so urgently, it is difficult to find space in our agenda, since we live “optimizing” our time to the maximum. In this way, we can do without periods of rest and disconnection, beyond sleep, that prevent emotional balance. Such instability can appear through impulsive reactions and especially towards the most trusted people.
- Lack of self-esteem. Unfortunately our education usually lacks positive reinforcement and tends to be based more on criticism and the normalization of efforts. In this way, the way we talk to ourselves can be too harsh, especially in difficult moments when we are having a hard time. As part of our self-esteem, we need to learn to understand ourselves in our difficulties and precisely, in those moments when we have the worst time, we need to empathize with our suffering and treat ourselves better. If we do not offer ourselves a kind posture in the face of our difficulties, the internal sensation may be that of having “the enemy at home.”
- Lack of values. We usually base our lives on achieving goals, but once those that are more socially recognized as necessary are achieved, we can perceive a demoralizing vision of life. We need to overcome the exclusive proposal of goals and base our well-being on the pursuit of values, since if we manage to keep the flame of our engine alive, we will be able to achieve high degrees of deep satisfaction.