The is one of the most effective ways to recover from a breakup, grow as a person, regain control of your life, and ultimately get to a position where you have the best chance of getting your ex back.
This time and space in which the separation occurs, on many occasions, helps to realize the importance of the lost relationship, so it is common that after this period, one or both people get back in touch with their partner. ex to promote rapprochement and possible reconciliation. If after this period your ex-girlfriend has not contacted you, you may wonder why. We show you some possible explanations.
You need more time to process the breakup
First of all, your ex may need time to heal and get over the relationship before looking for you. A relationship breakup is a form of loss and as such requires a grieving process, which includes the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance.
Your ex-girlfriend may still be dealing with grief after the breakup and it may be necessary for her to go through these stages and heal emotionally before contemplating a possible reconciliation with you.
He doesn’t want to resume contact with you
If the relationship ended painfully, especially if there were third parties or some other type of betrayal in which trust was damaged, your ex-girlfriend may feel hurt and I don’t want to resume contact with you.
In this case, your ex could be following his or her own path, focusing on his or her own life and interests and even starting a new relationship at this time.
You are not progressing and you are stagnant
If you are not using zero contact time to progress, are not focusing on recovery and growth, or are not following the goal of zero contact, it is important that you first try to recover from emotional pain. If you are only focusing on waiting for the days to pass, or you are trying to communicate to your partner your discomfort after the breakup and trying to convince him that you should resume the relationship now, it is possible that your ex does not look for you because he does not feel respected. decision to take time and space.
It is important to keep in mind that each person is different and It has its own reasons and motivations. If you are going through a recent breakup and you have no communication with your ex-girlfriend, sadness or confusion is normal. However, it is important to respect each person’s timing and not draw hasty conclusions.
The fundamental goal of zero contact after a breakup is to give both people the opportunity to heal and process the breakup, reduce tension, conflict and negativity, reflect on their feelings and the relationship, and make thoughtful decisions about whether or not they want to resume dating. contact in the future.
More specifically, we can know if zero contact is working by taking into account the following signs:
- You reaffirm your value as a person outside of the relationship and you trust that with time the pain will heal. Your self-worth is independent of the relationship, the breakup, and the pain. You are able to recognize and express these difficult feelings, process the emotions related to grief, and trust that the pain will pass.
- You don’t put your ex on a pedestal nor do you idealize the relationship. Idealizing a past relationship means remembering only the positive aspects and forgetting the negative ones, which is unrealistic. The relationship probably had problems and conflicts, so it was decided to end it, at least for a while. If you are not falling into this mistake, it is a good sign that the no contact period is working to allow you to see things clearly and move forward.
- You are able to focus on yourself and your own needs. You have not left aside your passions or the activities you enjoy. Continuing with what made you happy before you met your ex helps you stay focused on your goals and objectives, which will help you recover and improve your chances of getting back into the relationship or starting a new one.
- You don’t need to chase your exyou are able to maintain and respect your limits and theirs, and you do not need to “stalk” them on their social networks or constantly ask your mutual friends about them.
- Painful emotions such as sadness or anger related to the breakup are becoming less intense and frequent. Although the discomfort is still present, it does not limit you in other areas of your life and you can continue functioning.
- You are making progress in one or more areas of your life or skills. You are learning a new language, to play an instrument, you have embarked on a trip that you always wanted to take, etc.
- Your ex seems more receptive in this period of no contact. He no longer takes as much time to respond to your texts or calls and is not reluctant to meet with you.
- Meeting your ex doesn’t make you anxious: You are calm and you are convinced that even if you love him/her you don’t have to convince him/her of anything.
- Although it may seem contradictory, one of the possible effects after the period of no contact is Realize that you really don’t want to get back with your ex. Zero contact gives you time to reflect on the relationship and the reasons for the breakup.
Without a doubt, a sign that zero contact has worked is that you have been able to accept the breakup and heal emotionally, and you may have realized that there are more important things in your life than the relationship with your ex or understanding that your past relationship does not fit. with your plans for the future. In the following article you will find more information about .
Zero contact is a period of reflection, so it is common that after this period without communication, many people realize that they want to get back with their exes for various reasons, including nostalgia, lack of someone to share experiences with, or simply because they still have strong feelings towards that person.
In turn, it is possible that these people are waiting for some kind of signal from their ex that will give them clues about whether it is possible to resume the relationship. In these cases, it is important to keep in mind that getting back with an ex is not always the best idea. If after applying zero contact your ex does not look for you, there are some aspects that you should take into account:
1. Reflect on what you want
A good starting point to discover your situation with your ex is to look closely at the reasons why the breakup occurred. Understand the reasons behind the breakup and identifying any patterns of behavior or problems that may have contributed to it is essential to learn and avoid making the same mistakes.
Likewise, it is important to reflect on what you really want. Therefore, ask yourself what you really miss after the separation. Do you want to get back together or do you just want your ex to realize what he has lost? Do you miss the person themselves or do you miss having a relationship? Do you miss the warmth, the company and what your ex brought to your life, or do you want to avoid the discomfort of feeling alone?
2. Learn from mistakes made
Typically, people who get back together with their exes after the no-contact period do so because of the growth they experienced during this time. Think about how you behaved during the relationship and if there is anything you could have done differently. If you recognize a mistake, try not to make it again.
Learning from mistakes is important to get an ex back because it will allows us to understand the reasons behind the breakup and how you could have acted differently. Additionally, it helps you avoid making the same mistakes in the future and improve as a couple. Also, show your ex that you are willing to change and work on the relationship.
3. Do your own inner work
The breakup of a significant relationship can have a huge emotional impact, so working on yourself is essential to process and overcome limiting emotions and thoughts. Additionally, it is important to learn to recognize your behavioral patterns, emotional buttons, and cycles in your past and current relationships. In this way, you will be able strengthen your self-esteem and confidencewhich will allow you to return to your ex from a healthier position and not from need and desperation.
It is important to deal with any uncomfortable emotions that result. It may be tempting to use this time in unhealthy ways, but if you focus on self-improvement, you will not only be happier overall, but you will also improve your chances of getting your relationship back on track and rebuilding it stronger and stronger. People who dedicate zero contact to personal growth are the most successful, whether they get back together with their ex or not. All the progress made will have a positive impact on your future.
4. Seek a rapprochement with your ex
If after the zero contact period you have come to the conclusion that your ex is worth it and you want to get back into the relationship, you can take the initiative and seek a rapprochement with that person. Sometimes people get stuck in a “if he wants me, he’ll look for me first” mentality.
However, due to the vulnerability experienced after a breakup, it is possible that your ex has also adopted this defensive posture and feels insecure about resuming contact with you. If neither of them initiates a rapprochement, it will be impossible to resolve this crossroads.
If you are both interested in returning to be together, resuming contact can lead to reconciliation. There’s nothing wrong with breaking the ice. Dignity is not lost by initiating contact with your ex, but rather deteriorates when it is taken to the extreme and you constantly beg and insist on recovering the relationship when there is nothing more to do. There is a big jump between starting a conversation and desperately trying to impose it at all costs.
5. Do not insist when faced with a clear refusal
As we mentioned in the previous point, fear of rejection or seeming desperate sometimes prevents you from getting a response and moving forward. However, the real problem appears when we have received an answer but we refuse to accept it.
Many people experience tunnel vision after a breakup in which they remain obsessed with their ex, and do not accept the breakup, something that can be very dangerous because it means not respecting their decision. If you have already tried to contact your ex but he shows little or no signs of interest, he is not receptive or has even blocked, ignored or rejected you, It’s time to stop trying and .
6 Accept the breakup and move on
Although it is very painful, sometimes relationship breakups occur when a person considers that they are happier outside of the relationship, being single or with a new partner. If this is so, consider that this person is not the right one for you. The ideal person is the one who wants to be with you and rebuild your relationship together.
If your ex is not looking for you or has made it clear that he no longer wants to be with you, you have to accept that the relationship has come to an end. Accept this…