The lump in the throat, the butterflies in the stomach, the sleepless nights… Most people at some point or several times in our lives have experienced all of the above. When we fall in love, the emotions are intense and we can even feel overwhelmed. We have all heard stories full of crazy things about love, of moments in which we can even lose control. Some of us have experienced them firsthand, others fantasize about living a movie love. But, to what extent is it love and when do we start talking about obsession? Where do we draw the line? Do you feel like maybe you’re going too far? Do you think it’s possible that you are obsessed with your partner? In this Psychology-Online article, I’m obsessed with my boyfriend, what do I do? We will tell you more about this.
Frequently, in popular culture, when we talk about love, we refer to any of the phases that range from the new and overwhelming concern for a person of our interest, to the more stable bonds, formed through a long-term relationship. However, it is in the initial stages when this situation is experienced more intensely, so that the person experiences recurring thoughts about their “love object”, emphasizes their positive qualities, feels great desires for reciprocity and part of their state of Mood depends on how you respond.
Most of us are familiar with this, and have experienced it at one or more moments in our lives. However, many people cross the line, acting pathologically and engaging in behaviors such as obsess, spy, harass and even commit crimes in the name of love. When can we talk about love and when about obsession?
The fact that it is difficult to establish this line is that people tend to categorize, that is, put into “boxes” all kinds of events: people, behaviors, beliefs, etc. However, the complexity of the topic at hand makes us go further, and instead of talking about closed categories it is more accurate to talk about a dimension with levels of severity. Thus, love and obsession They would be placed on a continuum with two extremes, and each person and behavior would be placed at different points on it. Thus, it is important to take into account the frequency and degree: are we talking about one call a day or a hundred messages on the answering machine?
Sinclair points out at one end of the continuum the everyday efforts to establish contact and courtship efforts: email and text messages, phone calls, and attempts to establish or reconcile a relationship. On the other hand, we would move away from “normality” and we would approach the pathological extreme with surveillance attempts, whether online or in person (at home, work, places frequented by the person to whom it is directed). It would go to the extreme with any behavior that goes against the freedom of the other person: illegal entry into your home, threats, coercion and violence. At this point, “there is no romance,” Sinclair notes, since they are directed at hurt the person. Thus, these behaviors are unacceptable, both from a moral and legal point of view.
Being obsessed with someone means that You can’t live without that person and your happiness depends on them.. However, when you love a person, instead of needing them, you want them. Obsessing with someone means wanting to have the person in a cage so you can always have them close to you whenever you want. To love it is necessary to leave her free, and be with her because you have both chosen it, not because you have or should.
The term “obsession” is used very frequently in everyday language, which sometimes leads to it not being used appropriately and can cause confusion. Are you really obsessed?
I’m obsessed?
Psychologists define obsessive ideas as persistent thoughts, images and impulses that are experienced as intrusive, that is, they are not experienced voluntarily but rather invade the consciousness of the person who experiences them. In this way, they have a marked egodystonic nature, that is, they cause high levels of anxiety and anguish. The symptoms of obsession with a person may include:
- Obsessive thoughts about the person.
- Overwhelmingly experienced attraction.
- Extreme jealousy over other interpersonal interactions. You can check it with the .
- Need to possess the person.
- and/or subjective feeling of inferiority.
- Low tolerance for rejection and uncertainty.
- Constant attempts to get closer: recurring messages, emails and phone calls.
- Need to control the person and attempts to monitor them.
In the following article you will find more information about
If you feel reflected in one or more of the points mentioned above, do not be alarmed: there is a solution. You have already taken the first step, recognizing that there is a problem, and that will help you solve it. What to do when faced with an obsession? Next, we give you 5 tips What you should take into account if you feel that you are obsessed with your boyfriend, girlfriend or with a person.
Love obsession: how to overcome it?
- Cut contact: every conversation, gesture, meeting, message, post, etc. It helps maintain, and even increases, the frequency at which thoughts come to consciousness.
- Tolerate discomfort: It is important that you learn to tolerate distress instead of doing something you may regret.
- Don’t be guided by impulsiveness: You may think that you must do everything in your power to pursue the object of your love. However, this idea is counterintuitive: not only will it distance you even further from that person, but it will make you even more uncomfortable.
- Dismantle the fantasy: Love that is not lived in a healthy way is very powerful because it represents an idealized world in which the deepest desires and fantasies materialize. However, this is not a realistic position, so you will eventually have to abandon it. The later you do it, the more painful the blow will be.
- Ask for help: If your obsession with a man is affecting one or more areas of your life, you are not alone. There are many therapeutic and professional approaches that can help you identify and change these maladaptive ideas so that you can have one.
If you are wondering how to cure obsessions, in the following article you will find more information about it.