Pride and selfishness are qualities that can occur to a greater or lesser degree in people. However, when these are the characteristics that best define the way a friend or family member is, you feel that this behavior makes you suffer because that person thinks a lot about themselves and has difficulty putting themselves in the shoes of others. . At Psychology-Online we answer these questions: How to treat a proud and selfish person? How to protect yourself from their behaviors?
Through these emotional intelligence tips you can increase your well-being in your relationship with someone who has these characteristics in their character.
Observe the virtues of that person
When we label someone in such an absolute way, we don’t see beyond those character traits that overshadow other virtues that exist and are important. Therefore, although you objectively observe these negative characteristics in that person’s way of being, try to also appreciate the positive qualities of his way of being. Since, it is not incompatible for someone to be selfish, and at the same time, have a solid personal brand in other admirable actions.
Set limits
If a person is selfish and proud, you have to have the ability to not leave you conditionr by the dictates of his will. From your position, maturity and self-knowledge, express your desires assertively. Learn to say no with conviction. For example, if that friend makes a request of you and you believe that he can take care of that matter himself, because he has the time and ability to do so, without your help, then he expresses your refusal in a firm and direct manner. That person will realize that he cannot manipulate you if you are clear in the expression of your ideas.
Try to understand someone else’s way of being
It’s not about justifying it but about understanding it. That is to say, that person’s story is not yours, he has had a different education, a personalized life process and the teaching of certain values. Understanding where this selfish attitude may come from allows you to approach that person with greater empathy.
Take care of your self-esteem.
A proud and arrogant person seeks constant adulation from others, loves to receive admiration and does not have the same generosity when demonstrating this recognition to others. From this reality, express your positive recognition towards that person when you objectively want to do so for an objective reason. But don’t fall into the trap of wanting to please that person with constant words of encouragement, recognition and praise. It will be very important if we want to learn to relate to selfish people.
You can’t change that person
You can positively influence her, you can constructively express certain gestures that do not seem appropriate to you, especially if you are confident. However, if you know that that person is proud and arrogant, you cannot place on them the expectations that you place on someone humble and generous. That doesn’t mean that person can’t change, however, he won’t do it because you impose it on him. You must do this process from an internal motivation.
Avoid reproaches
If you want to talk about how this relationship makes you feel, it is important that you avoid falling into the plane of reproach by telling that friend “you are selfish.” It is better that you describe specific examples of situations that have hurt you. And to avoid bringing the past into the present, it is recommended that you approach the conversation from a current situation.
Knowing how to deal with a proud and selfish person is not an easy task; it is important to learn to deal with this type of individual. A person who is proud in love and friendship can behave in unexpected and hurtful ways on some occasions. How can you cultivate friendship with a selfish person in a constructive way?
Positive points of the relationship
Identify what plans and moments you feel best with that person. It may happen that he is not someone you want to tell your personal news to, however, he may be a perfect movie companion (although in that case, it is very likely that he will always want to choose the title of the story). In short, try to locate some aspect why this relationship may be worth it. Thus, focus on the goal of cultivating the relationship in this direction.
Offer alternatives
When you are entangled in arguments about two different options (yours and his), then offer alternatives so that you both have to compromise on your positions. You can and, in this way, improve friendships with this type of people.
Common tastes and hobbies
When you have a selfish friend you feel that this distances you, however, if you objectively know that do you share a hobby common with that person, then, since this leisure time makes you both enjoy it, it will be easier for you to flow in that context.
Relativize
Your friend has this weakness in his behavior. However, if you are objective with yourself, you will also realize that you have other defects. Therefore, try and instead of getting angry internally, observe this reality from the comic side because, really, the behaviors of a selfish person in adulthood are childish.