You separate from your partner, you have children and you decide to meet someone else. It may be that the other person you know also has children, and this, on some occasions, can be a problem to which, if you want the relationship to work, you have to find a solution.
It may also happen that you know someone who has not had children and has to adapt to yours, or even that you are the one who does not have children and has to adapt to your new partner’s children. Although these problems can not only arise due to separations, but also due to the death of one of the parents. And what do we do in these cases? ¿How to solve relationship problems due to unusual children? In this Psychology-Online article we explain it to you.
When my partner’s children are a problem
You start a relationship and you both have children from other couples, or maybe just one of them. A priori, you may think that it is an added difficulty and you may think: “It is already difficult to understand each other between two people, to do it with a child involved.”
In general, couples’ problems for this reason appear when the children are in the childhood or adolescent stage. Not so much if they are very young, since they get used to this from the beginning, or if they are adults, since they have their independent lives and it does not interfere so much in the relationships that their parents may have after the divorce.
The appearance of relationship problems due to unusual children It will depend on the attitude with which all those involved have faced the situation; Among many other factors, your personality, that of your children, your partner, your ex-partner, and the type of relationship and bond you have created with your current partner also influence.
But what problems exactly can we encounter? We see it in the next section.
What are the difficulties faced by couples with unusual children?
Relationship problems due to unusual children are very different depending on the background of the people involved and, for example, the level of maturity of the adults to understand and resolutely accompany children who are abruptly influenced by the new family situation. Now these are the most recurrent conflicts in this context:
- Priorities and couple time. The priority for the member of the couple who has the child will be this, with the parent-child relationship being the main one within the new family nucleus. Which can cause discomfort to the new partner, making them feel displaced.
- Children’s rejection. Children may see the new partner of one of their parents as a threat and may also make false attributions, making the new partner the cause of the parents’ divorce or separation and generating an aversion that may be completely distorted. In this case, it will be important to make the child understand that he or she is not the cause of the couple’s separation.
- Lack of feeling. Just as when we interact with people in our environment and family, we can have a better or worse relationship with each of them, this will also happen with your children and your current partner. It may be that they have many things in common and get along great, or it may be more difficult to find a common bond between them that leads them to deepen their bond.
- Disobedience and disauthorization. Along with this false attribution, the adaptation to a totally new and unpleasant situation that they have not decided, in which they do not feel like participants, but rather obliged to be part of it; Defiant and disrespectful behavior may appear towards the new figure that for them “occupies the place of their mother or father.”
- Economic difficulties associated with maintenance. In cases of divorce or separation, where one parent must pay a pension to the other, it can lead to financial problems in the new family unit that cause a deterioration in the relationship.
- Jealousy. In some cases, jealousy of the current partner towards the parent-child relationship may appear, or even, if it has been due to a case of divorce or separation where there is a good relationship with the previous partner, it may also arise thinking that at any time they could return. since they have a child in common.
To expand your knowledge on the topic, we recommend you read our article.
Keys to coping with a relationship with other people’s children
Now that you know what the difficulties are that couples with unusual children have, we will point out the different tips on how to solve them:
- Want to have a good relationship with childrenIt seems obvious but it is very important, they will notice if we really want to get along with them or we are simply doing it to please their father/mother, because as soon as they are not in front of them, our attitude will surely change and they will notice it, creating a climate of distrust.
- I respect. Respect the relationship your partner has with their children, their privacy, their customs and their space. It is important not to want to replace the ex-partner or want to become part of the family from one day to the next, especially depending on the character and age of the child.
- Interact with them. Many times we may find that the child does not dare to interact with us and/or waits for us to do so, since we are the adult. Do not be afraid! Get closer to them, show interest in their tastes and hobbies, to get to know them, to play and to help them. Get involved as much as they allow you and enjoy. It is important that you do not force them to interact with you if they do not want to or do not feel like it at that moment. Learn more .
- Respect the figure of the ex-partner. Since it is an important figure for them, their reference and they will not want to hear anyone attacking one of their parents for “a strange person.”
- Avoid conflict. If their parents have a way of raising them, you can’t come in and try to change all that, overriding their parents’ authority.
- Do not suggest that they call you “mom” “mommy” “daddy” “daddy” or any other affectionate form of this type. If it does not come naturally, you will be the one who will be favoring the appearance of relationship problems due to unusual children.
- Communication. As always, communication is the key to solving couple problems due to unusual children and coping with them with a good attitude. Therefore, communication with both your partner and their children will be important.
If you liked this article on how to solve relationship problems due to unusual children, we suggest that you read the following posts about and .
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to solve relationship problems due to unusual childrenwe recommend that you enter our category.