First of all, it is important to answer this question honestly: Is he really choosing them over you or is he just trying to spend time with them so that you don’t become the only person he sees? The response we give will be of vital importance to be able to work both on ourselves and on the relationship we are forging together.
It is not the same if your partner meets up with your friends, but also dedicates time to you, than if your partner only meets up with his friends and no longer wants to dedicate time to you or cannot find it for several weeks. So,What to do if your partner prefers your friends over you? How can you get rid of that feeling that he doesn’t spend time with you? In this Psychology-Online article, we explain it to you and give you some tips to cope with jealousy in these situations.
How friends influence relationships
Your partner’s friends They are part of their closest social environment and they are important to him or her, so he or she will want you to have a good relationship and respect them. If you do not have a good relationship with your friends or do not respect your space with them, it is likely that conflicts will begin to appear because of this.
So, friends may not have a direct influence on the relationship, but they do. are present transversally. In the end, when your partner has a problem with you, they will be the ones you turn to and the ones you will tell them about what worries or disturbs them, both about you and other aspects of their life.
At other times, we may find friends who show direct influence by interacting in the relationship more than we would like, to the point that they intend to make important decisions. In this case, it is important to speak with our partner from an assertive perspective, with a calm and set limits on certain behaviors which can be destabilizing and toxic.
Why does your partner choose his friends over you?
If you are wondering why your partner chooses his friends over you, this may be happening for several reasons:
- He needs his space and to spend time with his loved ones.: It is healthy for a person to be able to spend time with friends outside the core of the couple. It reinforces your self-esteem and independence and makes you feel free.
- You feel comfortable with them: Surely you have had many experiences with your friends throughout your life, they know what it is like and understand it firsthand, without having to give more explanations than necessary.
- Helps you get out of the relationship rut: It’s something different that he doesn’t have to do with you.
- It doesn’t have to be a lack of love: Yes, it is true that in some cases it could be because the love between the couple has ended and this is a way to escape from problems. However, it is not common. He simply needs to spend time with his friends and dedicate quality time to them just as he does with you.
- Hobbies in common: It could be that they share hobbies with their friends that they don’t with you and you don’t have to force yourself to like them, they will simply spend time with them to do different things than what they do with you.
Almost always the answer is not the boyfriend or friends, but rather your partner may want to go out alone from time to time and that does not mean that he or she loves you any less.
What to do when your boyfriend prefers his friends
If you find yourself in the situation where your partner frequently chooses his friends over you, we recommend following these tips:
- Think cold: Don’t get carried away by those negative thoughts, or by your emotions or blockages. If you feel that your imagination invades you with details that you cannot imagine, or irrational fears begin to appear, do not be afraid to ask your partner about some details. Don’t forget that you don’t have to give him the third degree either, creating an awkward situation just because he’s meeting his friends, just show interest in what he does and he’ll surely explain it to you with enthusiasm.
- Strengthen your self-esteem with positive thoughts: When you notice that negativity invades you, pay attention to the thoughts that go through your head and replace them with positive ones that make you feel better. Think that if your partner has chosen you, it is not a casual decision. He did it because he saw something in you that other people didn’t, and if you ever have doubts, you can let him know.
- Keep your space for you and yours: It is important that, just as your partner meets his friends, you also have space to do what you like both alone and with your friends without your partner being present. This will reinforce your self-esteem, your independence and will ensure that when you are together you will spend quality time.
- Spend quality time with your partner: Finding the balance between having intimate moments and doing activities or discovering new ones with your partner is important, as is it for both of you to have your separate space. Take advantage of the time you spend together to enjoy it in a pleasant way.
- Learn to be alone: It is important to know how to manage the moments when your partner may have plans with other people, or other commitments in which you will not be present, and you have to stay at home. Not always when your partner has other plans will you be able to make your plans for the same moment, so we must understand that this can happen and can help strengthen the relationship. You can take the opportunity to disconnect or reconnect with yourself.
- Strengthen trust towards your partner: It may bother you that he hangs out with his friends more for fear of what he might do or because you have the feeling that he doesn’t explain everything to you. In that case, it will be important for you to consider why you don’t trust him or her and what you can do to change that. In this article, we tell you.
- Increase communication between you: If something bothers you or you don’t like it, let them know. People cannot guess what is going through others’ heads at all times or we may not understand or misinterpret certain indirect phrases. That is why communication is very important. Avoid misunderstandings and facilitate conflict resolution. Discover .
How to overcome jealousy when your partner chooses his friends
If you notice that what you feel when your partner hangs out with his friends is jealousy, it is important that you know that it is the result, in most cases, of fear, lack of self-esteem, insecurity or irrational negative thoughts that usually have no basis. . If you think this may be your case, we recommend you consult this article about .
When you act like a jealous person, you cause anger, frustration and rejection in your partner, that is, situations that can more easily lead you to what scares you so much. If your jealousy causes constant arguments when you get home, you will try to spend as little time as possible at home, stay with your friends more, and increase the behavior of what you did not want to happen.
In these cases, to overcome jealousy when your partner chooses his friends, it is important to carry out the following actions:
- Work in increase your self-esteem.
- Be aware of the thoughts you have and question whether they are really founded or irrational.
- Work on dismantling the romantic idea we have of love.
- Promote your autonomy and independence within the relationship.
- Stop trying to control what doesn’t depend on you.
In this article you will find more information about and what to do to control them.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Guzmán, M., & Contreras, P. (2012). Attachment styles in couple relationships and their association with marital satisfaction. Psykhe (Santiago), 21(1), 69-82.