Even the most seemingly established and happy families at some point in their family life have to deal with problems in their relationships. Conflict can occur when family members have different opinions or beliefs on various topics, other times it can occur due to misunderstandings that lead to erroneous conclusions.
When these conflicts are not resolved adequately, it can lead to arguments and resentment, even family breakdown. In this Psychology-Online article we show you how to solve a family conflict Correctly.
Some family conflicts can occur due to:
Trust issues
Lack of trust in family relationships can lead to relationship problems. Without trust, the relationship loses its security. This can lead to harmful behaviors such as feelings of distrust or possession, with the relationship not being supportive.
Different expectations
Problems in families often arise when one member has different long-term expectations than the others, particularly regarding career, family wishes, etc.
Change of circumstances
As a family it is difficult for all members to evolve at the same time. That is why the family needs to readjust at each stage. However, in some cases these mismatches can lead to conflicts.
Bad communication
Ironically, although today we may be more connected than before, people communicate in a worse way. The success of a family lies, among other things, in a . Good communication does not have to be continuous every day about trivialities, but rather it should be a real interaction expressing feelings, desires and fears
When we need to free ourselves from negative emotions, negotiators metaphorically suggest that we go to the balcony and look at the conflict with a certain detachment. Easier said than done. But here we will show you a three-step strategy that will allow you to step back from the problem and gain some clarity so you can resolve a family conflict.
Your own perspective
This step requires a high degree of self-awareness and self-knowledge. This is achieved by asking yourself what really matters to you.
¿what pain are you trying to avoid? What are you protecting yourself from? What needs are you trying to satisfy? do you feel safe? Are you trying to connect with others or do you feel connected to yourself?
You should try to clarify what the conflict really means to you or what the conflict really is inside you.
In fact, chances are that while the fight is about a specific topic, it’s actually looking for something that lies on a deeper level. So the important thing is to find out what that is by .
The perspective of the other
This step is essential. Requires that have empathy and through that empathy you reach a greater understanding of what is happening.
You must put yourself in the shoes of others. For a moment, leave your own judgment aside and do what is most appropriate to see the situation you are facing from the other’s perspective.
What could be influencing the other’s position? What experiences shape your thinking? what’s going on in your life? What needs are you satisfying with a particular behavior? Are you looking for attention, love, etc? Ultimately, what is the other party’s intention?
You must go further and ask yourself: how can others interpret my words and behaviors? What can I do differently to understand the underlying needs of others and meet my own at the same time?
When you combine insights, you combine your perspective and that of others to achieve a greater understanding of the conflict and ways to resolve it.
The perspective of the third part
Often, someone who is outside the conflict can offer us a fresh perspective on the problem we are trying to solve. In this step, you must get into the third part position observing the situation in which you are involved.
So imagine that you are sitting in the cinema, watching your conflict projected on the screen as if it were a movie. And you must remain in the perspective of the viewer. What can you say about the behaviors of the characters in the film? What advice could you give as a party not involved in the conflict?
Therefore, this strategy allows you to see the conflict from three perspectives, making you take emotional distance from the problem, obtain greater insights and achieve a greater and deeper understanding of the conflict. Therefore, this strategy empowers you to .
While it is true that each family is unique, often the relational problems that families have to face are similar, therefore, other tips to know how to resolve a family conflict are the following:
Negotiate
Some suggestions include:
- Solve the problem if you think it is worth doing
- Try to differentiate or separate the person from the problem
- If you are very angry try calm down before acting
- You must keep in mind that the idea is to resolve the conflict and you do not win an argument
- Remember that the other party is not obligated to always agree with you on everything.
Define the problem
- Respect the point of view of the other person paying attention and listening
- Speak clearly and reasonably
- try to find Points in common
- Agree to disagree
try to listen
- try to be calmed down
- Try to leave emotions aside
- Don’t interrupt the other person while they are speaking.
- Listen actively to others
- Make sure you understand what the other person is telling you, if necessary ask
- Communicate your vision of the problem in a clear and honest way
- Resist the urge to fix the problem quickly and take the time necessary
Work as a team
- Contribute together the greatest amount of possible solutions
- Commit
- Make sure that each of you understands the chosen solution
- Once the solution is decided, you must respect it and adhere to it
- Make a contract, if necessary