We can say that conflicts are part of our life since Not everyone thinks the same way. Individual differences often lead to disagreements and, on many occasions, we can learn something good from them. These problems are not always handled in the best way and can end up in larger arguments. Therefore, learning to manage conflicts is a fundamental piece to maintaining good interpersonal relationships and promoting our mental health.
While it is true that there are several types of communication, assertiveness is an essential characteristic for any good communication style that aims to solve problems and avoid arguments. In this Psychology-Online article we will give you the keys to know How to resolve a conflict assertively.
What is assertiveness?
As we have mentioned previously, there are three types of action in the event of a conflict: aggressiveness, passivity and assertiveness.
Aggressive communication involves poor management of emotions and a constant attack on the interlocutor. On the other hand, passive communication is characterized by not expressing our needs and allowing attacks on one’s own dignity. Finally, we can define assertiveness as the ability to express our emotions and ideas freely, but without offending or attacking anyone.
Assertive communication is based on empathy, understanding how the interlocutor feels and respecting their opinions. It is also important to respect ourselves and learn to communicate our needs without fear. Assertive behaviors are very effective on a daily basis, since they are the best way to manage conflicts in all spheres of our lives, whether in our relationship, at work, in the family…
This psychology concept is also related to self-esteem and good self-esteem. An assertive person usually has a high emotional intelligence, that is, he is capable of managing his feelings, identifying them correctly and understanding the emotional states of others. Likewise, knowing how to resolve a conflict assertively and, therefore, being assertive implies having a remarkably high self-esteem. This is because, in order to communicate our opinions, we must be clear about their worth.
Examples of assertive communication
To better understand how a good dialogue develops, and for , it is better to give an example.
Let’s say a situation where we are waiting in line to get into a concert and someone cuts in front of us in line, we will feel angry, upset, and perhaps frustrated. Our communicative objective It will be telling that person to get in line, to wait and respect the order of the line like other people.
aggressive response
– “Don’t you see that I was here before?! Go back the way you came and don’t bother anymore. You’re rude and you don’t deserve to go to that concert.”
passive response
– “Hey…I…I was here before…well, it’s okay.”
Assertive response
– “Listen, I understand that you’re in a hurry to get in, I love this music group too. However, I’ve been waiting a long time and I think I deserve to get in before you. If you don’t mind, you should get to your place in line.”
As we can see, the best way to talk to a person and avoid a major conflict is through assertive communication. In this way, we do not give rise to a negative response from the interlocutor and we can get them to understand our position.
Social skills to resolve conflicts
A previous step to correctly develop an assertive dialogue is. These are defined as the set of strategies and competencies that we have to interact and relate to others in a satisfactory manner.
He social skills training It is based on learning to listen to others, exercising our ability to negotiate and resolve conflicts, foreseeing different problematic situations and practicing the best way to manage conflict. Thanks to this training, we will be able to improve our skills to be sincere and direct, expressing everything we want to say but without belittling the emotions of others.
Another concept to train to achieve good communication is communication. Conflict resolution can be much easier for us if we learn to communicate understanding what the other person feels. If we manage to put ourselves in their place, we will probably be able to understand the root of their disagreement with our ideas, this will help us to resolve the disagreements we have and as a guideline to prevent future conflicts.
5 steps to resolve a conflict assertively
After the practical examples and the presentation of the most effective training to manage a disagreement situation, we present, step by step, How to resolve a conflict assertively.
1- Identify the way we communicate
First of all, it is very important to focus on our behaviors and ask ourselves “WhatHow do I act in a conflict?” “Am I a passive or aggressive person?“. Now that we have learned the different types of communication, we can guide our style towards assertiveness, focusing on our response styles when faced with something that causes us displeasure.
2- Understand the other person
When someone approaches us looking for conflict, indicating their displeasure with our behaviors or, for example, some type of other people’s behavior does not seem appropriate to us, we must understand the reason for all this.
If someone does or says something it is always for a reason. In the same way that all our actions or thoughts have a background motivation, the actions of others have it too. As we have mentioned previously, assertiveness has a very important component of empathy that we must learn to apply in our communicative dialogue.
3- Speak with pauses and listen to everything the other has to say
Once we understand the reason for their actions or emotions, we must listen to the other person. This entails an important dose of patience, since the other person, perhaps, does not communicate in the way we would like and this can be offensive and toxic. If he sees that we are listening to him, he will be less defensive and, perhaps, we can reach an agreement.
4- Propose an alternative that is beneficial for everyone
After listening to their arguments, it is time to reach a common ground. To do this, tap express our opinions in the best possible way, stating our arguments correctly, calmly but firmly. With proper dialogue, the conflict can be resolved peacefully and through a good agreement.
5- Identify your reaction and respond correctly
Avoid responding aggressively or passively, maintain your arguments and continue using assertive communication. It is possible that this person makes us feel nervous or uncomfortable. This is why we must learn to manage all the emotions that may arise during the conflict. It is important to respond correctly and Don’t lose your papers.
If, on the other hand, we identify a response that affirms our arguments, or we reach a common point, we will have reached the end of the conflict. Learning from these situations will make us wiser and develop our emotional intelligence. Applying everything learned during past discussions will be beneficial to avoid making communicative errors again and to resolve, better every day, the conflicts that life presents us with.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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