The first thing you should do if a man reappears in your life is to maintain emotional control and follow your instincts to be able to express what you feel and decide whether or not you want to give him a second chance. When you’re good with a man and he suddenly disappears, everything can become confusing and frustrating, especially if you were convinced that the relationship was going in the right direction.
In this Psychology-Online article we explain how to act when a man reappears. We will focus on giving you practical and close answers to questions like Should you answer? Is there hope of resuming the relationship? How can I set healthy boundaries? or how to protect your emotional well-being while making important decisions.
Maintain emotional control
Although the most immediate reaction when a man reappears is to assume that he is selfish and only thinks about him, the best thing you should do at this time is to try to stay calm to act with a cool headtake control of the entire situation and thus be able to talk to him.
If he comes back to you it is a sign that he is willing to accept his failures and that he needs another chance because he misses you or regrets moving away. But you won’t be able to understand his motives and intentions if, right off the bat, you get upset just by seeing him and you don’t express what you feel, much less give him the opportunity to speak.
Keep firm
It’s usually your first reaction when that man comes back into your life to go after him to find out why he disappeared. Do not do it! This would be a serious mistake and you would be giving all the power to him.
Maintain dignity and do not fall into despair. Rather, stand in a firm position in which your emotional self-control does not lose the battle and thus you will be implying that you are the owner of your own decisions and that the last word in this case belongs to you.
Express your feelings clearly
If a man reappears in your life with the intention of being part of it again, it is important establish open and honest communication. Express your expectations and desires clearly, making sure you’re both on the same page about what you want from the relationship.
Do not get carried away by the first impression and try to assertively handle that approach so that you can explore the reality of the situation, without falling into despair and without getting carried away by manipulation.
Define the status of the relationship
What was the status of the relationship before he disappeared? Sometimes men tend to disappear as an escape mechanism due to fear of commitment or fear of letting their true feelings be seen, because they feel vulnerable when they truly fall in love.
Speak clearly about what you feel, what they want to establish and the commitments you are willing to make. If you will only be friends, then speak everything very clearly so that you do not hurt each other in that way again, distancing yourself from each other.
Evaluate your feelings
Before making any decisions, take some time to evaluate your own feelings toward this man. Ask yourself if you still have interest in him and if you think the relationship can be healthy and fulfilling.
Do not forget put everything that happened and how you felt on a scale at the time, since people do not change overnight. Are you willing to put up with him/her disappearing again? Has he/she really come back because of you or because he/she has other interests? Calmly evaluate each of these details to avoid unnecessary suffering.
Communicate your expectations
If you have already decided that you are going to establish communication with that man who reappears, it is essential that you speak from your emotions so that you express the expectations you have in this regard.
Of course, do it with respect and avoiding arguments so that you can communicate assertively and reach an agreement that benefits both of you.
Likewise, define and communicate your personal boundaries in the relationship. This includes your emotional needs, your physical limits, and anything else important to you. Keep in mind that ensuring your boundaries are respected is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship.
Make it clear that what happened affected you.
When the boy reappears, make it clear to him that his absence affected you and that you had a very bad time for not knowing the reason for his estrangement. They are based on honesty, even if that means that one of the parties feels uncomfortable with the questions and answers that arise from these conversations.
Therefore, do not act as if nothing has happened and sit down and talk about the causes and consequences of all that happened so that they can start from a healthier point, where they both feel that they are being listened to, valued and respected.
Learn from the past
Reflect on your previous experience with this person and analyze what you learned. Identify lessons learned and make sure to avoid negative patterns or harmful behaviors you have previously experienced.
If he/she is used to disappearing and returning whenever he feels like it and you are willing to accept the consequences of his actions, it is time to stop accepting it. Now, if what you want is to close stages with him, Analyze what your behavior has been like in the past to see whether or not it is worth returning to the same starting point.
Observe their actions
Pay attention to the actions of the man in question and not just his words. Do your actions match what he says? Persistent and consistent actions are essential to building trust and a strong relationship. Honesty and transparency are fundamental pillars of a healthy relationship.
Make sure there is honest and open communication to build mutual trust and that there is consistency between what you say and what you do once you reappear. If you notice inconsistencies or repetitive behaviors that cause pain or conflict, the relationship may need to be reevaluated.
Trust your instinct
Trust your intuition and your feelings. If something doesn’t feel right, analyze what makes you uncomfortable and decide if the relationship is right for you.
Therefore, if a man reappears don’t rush to make important decisions and take the time to get to know this person again. This will allow you to build a solid foundation before making long-term commitments.
Seek emotional support
If necessary, turn to trusted people, such as close friends or family, to share your concerns and get different perspectives because maybe there are things that you are not seeing or that you have not realized. Having strong emotional support can give you clarity and support during this process.
Learn to forgive
If you decide to give this person another chance, it is important learn to forgive and let go of the past. Don’t let past resentments affect the current relationship. Of course, keep the focus on your own well-being and personal development. And, of course, don’t lose sight of your own dreams, goals and activities.
Remember that cultivating your own happiness is key to having a relationship that adds value to your life and for it to remain long-term. In this article we explain to you.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Bisquerra, R. (2008). Psychology of human relationships. Madrid: Pearson Education.
- Casado, MA, & López, S. (2016). Limits in relationships. Barcelona: Paidós.
- Rodríguez, C. (2018). How to set limits in personal relationships. Madrid: Pyramid.