The emotional insecurity constitutes a way through which the person feels anxiety in social situations due to internal beliefs of self-devaluation. Insecure people are people who continually evaluate and judge their behaviors and believe that others act the same way. This is the reason why each of their actions in front of other people causes them great anxiety. interpret that they are going to be judged and evaluated negatively.
Insecure people are usually people with a low level of self-esteemmain cause of the continuous devaluation that they do about themselves and that, at the same time, becomes a consequence of this insecurity: since they believe they are not very valid (low self-esteem), they do not undertake actions or carry them out in an insecure and clumsy manner. The results of their actions are usually not encouraging, which reaffirms their negative self-esteem.
Insecure people are not fearful, if we understand fear as anxiety in the face of some external stimulus/danger. They don’t feel this kind of fear, they feel incapable, invalid. In any case, they feel afraid of the evaluation that others can make of them, they feel “social fear.”
Symptoms
The most characteristic symptoms of insecure people are:
- Pessimism
- Hopelessness
- Little motivation in life
- Not very sociable
- Passives
- Rational
- Low emotional expressiveness
- Undecided
- Complexes
- Jealousy
- They may have suicidal thoughts and attempts when they feel in an extreme situation.
The main cause of emotional insecurity is given by the type of attachment established with parental figures during early childhood. According to Bowlby, Davies and Cummings (1994), in this period the child’s level of emotional security is constituted and developed from the relationships they maintain with their parents, the type of attention and care that they receive from them and the context of the marriage relationship. Based on this, their ability to act, their motivation to intervene in stressful situations and their internal mental representations about their parents, themselves and their social environment will develop.
In this way, people with secure attachment, thanks to the continued experience of positive interactions with their caregivers, tend to perceive themselves as deserving of affection, maintaining a positive and confident vital attitude that facilitates their adaptation, development and social interaction. On the contrary, the people with insecure attachment (includes the rest of the types of attachment) gives rise to worse psychological adjustments, with people being more likely to develop emotional problems or psychological pathologies due to their negative self-representations, their ineffective emotional regulation and their avoidant and defensive attitude towards social relationships.
The rest of life experiences will be based on this, normally confirming internalized beliefs, both of security and insecurity. Detecting insecurity problems in a child allows us to intervene much more effectively than if said treatment is carried out in adult life. However, change is always possible through deep therapeutic work.
Below we will see how to overcome insecurity with advice, guidelines and examples applied to everyday situations in which insecurity manifests itself: in the social context, with your partner and at work.
1. Introspection
To overcome self-doubt it is necessary to carry out hard work of introspection that allows us discover the causes that caused that insecurity, what beliefs we internalize from there about ourselves, about others and about the world and replace these false ideas with those that reflect our most positive reality and our true potential.
2. Awareness of strengths
To overcome insecurity at work, for example, it can be a great help for us to do a list of things we do well and those that make us insecure (these will be related to interpersonal relationships). Once the list is made, we can strengthen our self-esteem by carrying out those tasks that we perform efficiently, making ourselves aware of this and praising ourselves for it. Focusing on these tasks will allow us to have moments of satisfaction at work and reduce anxiety in moments when insecurity arises.
3. Breathing and relaxation
With respect to the tasks that make us insecure, we can adopt different strategies such as doing them before doing them. Learning breathing and relaxation techniques is important since insecurity generates anxiety and this alters our breathing and our entire body, further distorting our perception of reality.
4. Visualization
Another tool that helps overcome insecurity is visualization. Visualize at home, when we are calm, these situations and how we want them to happen. We can also do it in front of a mirror. Here you will find more information about the .
5. Ask for help
Ask for help, advice, even support from a trusted person at work to make it easier for us to cope with the situation. This will reduce social fear, increasing, on the other hand, trust in people and the gratification of asking for help. Also ask for help from friends and family to vent or cope with situations in which insecurity arises.
6. Sincerity
To combat insecurity in your partner, it is important to be honest with them and express our fears and insecurities. However, it is not recommended that this be repeated continuously as it can exhaust the couple. Although it is very difficult to face these difficulties, and overcoming them can take a long time, it is important to stay in the battle without drowning our partner. Of course, we can lean on it and ask for help, but the main and continuous coping work must be done by the affected person.
7. Observe and question beliefs
Childhood beliefs are very difficult to undo as they are strongly anchored in our unconscious, regulating our behavior. Even when we make them conscious, they are difficult to discredit. This is why insecure people tend to be distrustful of arguments that refute their beliefs. However, and I insist, although it is extremely complicated, it is about establishing an internal struggle within ourselves. against all those false beliefs that they are not allowing us to live in peace. Our enemy is not outside but within us. In this way, sometimes it will be more convenient to follow the advice of another person rather than that of our own mind. Over time, we will be able to replace these mental structures with others that are more realistic and respectful of ourselves.
If the insecure person puts themselves down in front of their partner and feels that they are not good enough for them, it is important that they make an effort to disprove all these irrational beliefs and start observing and writing down all those things that she “does” do well for herself. Becoming aware of our positive aspects, although it may be difficult at first, will serve to expose the falsity of our childhood beliefs and will allow us to gradually modify the image of ourselves.
To combat social insecurity we recommend the same work of cognitive restructuring. Here lies the fundamental work since it is our internal beliefs that are causing our insecurity and, therefore, conditioning our lives.
8. Work on jealousy
Regarding jealousy, it is important that the insecure person makes an effort, even if it is difficult, to question each and every jealous thought. Let him breathe deeply, counting to 10, before addressing his partner, upset by some jealous thought. Let him ask the opinion of close friends to help him contrast and refute his ideas. In a very high percentage, the thoughts of jealous people are uncertain and unfounded. In this article we explain.
9. Small challenges
Set ourselves small challenges to confront those situations that cause us insecurity and, as we overcome them, will increase our self-esteem and confidence staff. Here you can see others.
10. Self-care
The most important tip to overcome insecurity is to practice self-care. Rest, dedicate time to leisure, take care of your diet and, especially, do moderate physical exercise It will help us relax physically and mentally, be healthier psychologically and feel greater well-being. To carry out all this work, it is highly advisable go to therapy.