There are different types of criticism, however, the comments that cause the most pain are those hurtful messages that generate the effect of a personal attack. When you receive a message of this type, you feel that that person has said those words to you with bad intentions (although they may simply have made a mistake). In a situation like this, don’t fall into the game of feeding that criticism by letting it ruin your day or, what’s worse, your entire week. How to overcome destructive criticism? At Psychology-Online, we answer this question to help you overcome the pain caused by those negative words.
How to recognize destructive criticism
- Not only does what that person tells you matter, but also, the tone in which he expresses it. This is a hurtful, ironic or sarcastic message. You have not felt even the slightest empathy from the person who dedicated those words to you that have remained stuck in your spirit like poisoned darts.
- Totally subjective and unnecessary value judgments. One of the characteristics of a destructive criticism is that it does not contribute anything, simply because that person’s sentences only reflect a subjective interpretation of the person who thinks about your life or about some aspect related to you, taking the liberty of judging you as if they had the authority to do so. .
- Superiority attitude. It is possible that that person has sent you that message from that position and you have felt tiny under the weight of those words. Words cannot be measured physically, however, their somatic reality means that when someone receives destructive criticism (and has felt affected by it), they feel how each letter of it weighs tons in terms of negativity. Destructive criticism is one that is born with the intention that the person who receives it feels bad about themselves. This is the case, for example, if there is a component of envy or blackmail in the words.
- It remains engraved in your memory. Destructive criticism not only affects you negatively, but also remains in your memory. It is possible that in a situation of this type, you have had the experience of falling into the effect of a broken record that goes around and around the same thing. About those words that hurt you and that you don’t understand how the person who said them to you could remain calm with his lack of tact and sensitivity.
- When you share your discomfort with that person and you don’t notice them putting themselves in your place, but instead ridicule your feelings or downplays their words without taking responsibility for how they may have influenced you with their comments, then this also shows a toxic attitude in itself.
How to overcome negative reviews
Next, we show you some tips that can help you respond to destructive criticism and face them successfully:
- When a person gives you destructive criticism, keep in mind that the reason for the conflict is not in you, but rather the protagonist has projected his envy, anger or inner conflict onto you. In this way, he has expressed that issue without any type of empathy, sensitivity and respect towards you. You cannot take responsibility for the negative attitude he has had toward you. Therefore, he should be the one who reflects and meditates on this matter.
- What is the usual mechanism of a person who makes destructive criticism without reflecting on his words afterwards? The impulse to act from a concept of misunderstood sincerity. He is a person who gives great importance to what he thinks and opinions. He believes that saying everything he thinks, without any type of filter, is a gesture of honesty.
- When you feel bad because a person has treated you that way, you take that pain to the individual level. However, you ignore that in reality that person frequently behaves this way with others. That is, it is his own way of being. And although the first reaction that arises in you is to get angry, in reality, try without giving more prominence to those who do not deserve it.
- We are all human and we make mistakes. Therefore, we have all made the mistake of expressing a poorly stated criticism. However, the real reason for conflict in personal relationships arises when you realize that someone’s company it harms you on a mental level because you repeatedly observe comments that harm you.
- When you value the comment that person has told you and you feel that there is no truth in that statement or there is nothing that can help you, then, forget that situation as soon as possible. Give yourself maximum time to think about that matter. For example, five minutes. In this way, you allow yourself to express and feel the discomfort, but without letting this fact become a cause of worry that upsets you throughout the day.
- When faced with destructive criticism, you may feel the desire to become defensive. Try. For example, you can express your disagreement with that statement in a friendly and approachable tone. Usually, whoever launches a destructive criticism focuses on the message itself but does not expect a response in a dialogue tone. Therefore, if you you open the door of dialogue You will have greater criteria to assess whether that person has objective arguments to support their message (even if they have made a mistake in tone) or, on the contrary, it is a critic who has nothing to contribute to you.
- Do not enter the psychological game that shows the formula “and you more.” Otherwise, those conversations that initiate this dynamic, far from nourishing calm, produce the opposite effect to the desired one because personal reproaches increase. If at any time you experience a situation of this type, postpone the conversation for another time. If it is a person you trust, you can show them a concrete example of how they could have approached you with that idea in a constructive way. In this way, you help him realize how tone influences the message.
- What do you say to yourself at the level of thought? For example, if you obsess over the idea that this situation is unfair because that person should not treat you that way, you become frustrated because you position yourself in an ideal universe. In real life, you cannot reduce the risk of receiving criticism of this type to zero. Therefore, try generate alternative thoughts. Sometimes, the most practical thing on an emotional level is not to fuel the purpose of wanting to reason why that person said those words to you that hurt you if, objectively, their message was hurtful due to its lack of logic. That is, you cannot connect your mind and your heart with the ultimate reasons why that person has acted that way, but you can focus on yourself. And this is a good response mechanism to act in this context. For example, you can define your boundaries and ask him or her not to speak to you in that tone again.
- Cry. We cannot expect to plan our response in every possible situation. Perhaps at some point you have had the experience of not being able to hold back tears when faced with a comment that made you feel immediately vulnerable. In that case, do not blame yourself for having reacted this way because tears are a manifestation of your sensitivity. And in this situation, your tears speak for you, but once the crying has subsided, try to verbalize how you felt.
How to overcome destructive criticism on social media
In the context of social networks, people with public profiles receive destructive criticism from users who comment anonymously. In this type of situation, do not let those words affect you on a emotional level because that person’s intention is to criticize for the sake of criticizing.
In this case, it is recommended that have a vision of context so that that negative comment does not overshadow other interactions and positive evaluations that your publications have received from others. Do not let the fear of possible criticism keep you from the possibility of fulfilling the personal dreams that you desire. For example, creating your own blog, creating a fashion profile on Instagram or having your YouTube channel.
To overcome destructive criticism, whether posed in person or online, it is recommended that share that situation with friends of your trust. Talking about it with them will help you put it into perspective and forget it as soon as possible.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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